Is my daughter drinking too much?
Posted , 10 users are following.
My daughter is 32 and happily married.
She goes clubbing about once a fortnight and I know (from my son) that she binge drinks, ends up becoming very quarrelsome, throws up on the street and has to be practically carried home.
I am a widower and I worry about her. I've attempted to discuss it with her but she gets angry.
Her husband has told me he is worried, too, especially as they are trying for a baby.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Jasper
1 like, 13 replies
RHGB jasper99
Posted
If she drinks once a fortnight, she will be well within the limits.
Because she is not a regular drinker, her body is not tolerant to alcohol, so that suddenly receiving alcohol in large amounts 'overpowers' the body.
Blacking out, or losing memory or inhibitions etc, is a sign that the body is taking on too much alcohol too quickly and it cannot prcoess it all.
This is normally something that is common in young people (students etc.) where the body has not developed a tolerance for alcohol, but their lifestyle often leads them to situations where they will drink until they drop. Whereas someone older, may regularly going to the pub, but just have two or three pints and will hardly be affected.
I don't think it is the quantity that needs to be looked at, it is more the attitude to alcohol when she does get near it. If she could slow down a bit, she would be fine, but as it is, it 'overloads' the system, which is why she becomes quarrrelsome, because her normal cognitive abilities stop functioning properly until her body has processed the alcohol.
jasper99 RHGB
Posted
Yes, that makes sense.
She says it's her fun night out but I can't see what fun she has throwing up and arguing with people she doesn't know - or having to be practically carried home by her husband. He doesn't drink much when they go out - just two or three pints, once a fortnight, so I'm not worried about him. He is a lovely bloke but he has dificulty coping with her bingeing.
pistal666 jasper99
Posted
She could well be drinking to much, but will get angry because she is probably thinking that you want to take something away from her that she loves. The only thing I could suggest, is the Husband adresses the issues that it is causing rather than the drink it's self. She sounds like she won't take kindly to any thoughts you have on her drinking and will probably see it as your problem. Try and educate yourself on how it effects conception and speak to your soninlaw on how to bring it up matter of factly for the time being. Any other signs that you can see concerning Alcohol? Does she try and find excusses to drink or drink on her own?
jasper99 pistal666
Posted
No, she doesn't drink on her own or find excuses to drink. I just don't think that if she is trying to conceive this fortnightly bingeing cannot be a good thing.
I will talk to her husband - we get on well - perhaps he'll have better luck than me. She sees me as her dad telling her off.
PaulJTurner1964 jasper99
Posted
jasper99 PaulJTurner1964
Posted
I'll get her husband to suggest it.
I think having dad giving advice is resented, since she is grown up.
PaulJTurner1964 jasper99
Posted
Yes, I know what you mean
Thing is, this is just common sense and nothing to do with her being told what to do. It will only work if she wants to try and stop getting so drunk, a tactic to use to help her avoid it.
deirdre._03652 jasper99
Posted
I do not think that you need to worry too much....
I should imagine that your daughter gets defensive, as she is aware of.....and probably embarrassed her behaviour under the influence of alcohol....
She may drink to boost her confidence....a very, very common reason......but if she is only drinking at these times and NOT HIDING IT at any other time....I really think that she is okay...
Just tell her ,you are ,worried that she may tumble over or hurt herself in some way.....
You are obviously a very loving, caring father...and we parents always worry, no matter how old our children are
Have a quiet word with her ,husband, as long as she is never....alone....when she drinks, I think that she will calm down in time.....warm hugs to you both....xxx
jasper99 deirdre._03652
Posted
No, she's never alone when she drinks.
You're right - and my wife died three years ago (of cancer) so I feel like I should keep an eye on all the children, despite the fact they are all grown up.
My daughter had a very strong relationship with her mum. I wish my wife was still here - I'm sure this would be better sorted out by her.
ursulauc62 jasper99
Posted
Hi Jasper. I see a similar pattern in what is happening with your'e daughter and what I did at a similar time in my life. I got married to my boyfriend of many years in my early thirties, and everyone assumed that we wanted to start to family, and I was sort of swept along with it, although pretty scared about the implications at the same time.
I had a good job, went out every week and got drunk with friends, and knew that if I got pregnant things would be changing pretty dramatically. Although I thought I wanted a baby, I knew I would be saying goodbye to what I saw as my freedom. I did get pregnant and had my son, and now he's nineteen and wonderful, but there have been difficult times along the way. - I mean, I'm a member of this forum, so yes - I've had bad issues with drink.
Its possible your'e daughter is actually quite worried about the prospct of 'settling down', having a family, and the responsibilities that come with it. Maybe you you get someone close to her to ask her about it, it you dont feel she would respond well to you bringing it up.
If she's 32, thats still young and women start families now quite commonly in their mid-late thirties and even forties. My sister had her son at 42.
Its best if shes really honest about what she really wants right now, and doesnt rush things if she may regret it.
chrissie60 jasper99
Posted
Jasper, if your daughter is trying to conceive a child, alcohol is not a good idea at all.
Binge-drinking! I am very familiar with that, as an A & E Team Leader, especially on Friday and Saturday nights.
Having read everyone else's advice, I think your best plan is to have a serious talk with your son-in-law. It sounds like she won'r listen to dad, but hopefully she will listen to her husband.
She has already lost one baby. She needs to give herself the optimum chance of having a successful pregnancy this time.
Get some information about pregnancy and alcohol and give it to her husband.
I confess that I am bewildered as to why she would do this when she has chosen to try to become pregnant.
deirdre._03652 jasper99
Posted
Your daughter may react to alcohol in a similar way to me....
I very rarely drank at all until I was in my thirties.......then I suddenly realised that it could lift my mood, and make me feel so much brighter....,,my intake kind of crept up on me until I was drinking every single day....I began hiding the bottles all over the place....and always had some alcohol with me....,after a while I began to have really, really, bad shakes...unbearable, so of course more drink.....I ended up sectioned four times....overdoses.....running off and many other very stupid acts....
It is difficult when you are challenged about your intake....but I think that at the present your daughter drinks just to switch off....she must miss her mum, and she may be worried about starting a family....,
You sound a wonderful father, and I think if both yourself and her husband have a chat...very supportive and understanding with how you approach it...she may be concerned herself....
I wish you all peace of mind, health and happiness ...dee xxxx
chrissie60 deirdre._03652
Posted
I agree with Deirdre, Jasper.
Your daughter must be missing her mum very much - especially if she was planning to give her a grandchild.
Perhaps she is just doing this because of grief - alcohol is so good at helping us forget things.
You do sound like a wonderful father, and I'm very sorry for your loss. It is difficult enough being a parent without one's partner there - and you must be grieving, too.
I am sure that if you and you son-in-law have a chat about this, he will be able to get through to your daughter. You're right - she is grown up and doesn't think he advice of an 'Old Man' (sorry) worth taking.
You have an extremely mature and intuitive nature by the sound of things.
I hope so much that your daughter stops to think about what she's doing.
Chrissie