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Is this really me?

Posted , 10 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

To cut a long story short, I was going to commit suicide this evening, had it all planned out, checked my will, paper work during the week. Thanked my bereavement councillor for all her help, donation to the Hospice she worked for. Had great hugs and kisses with my grandkids yesterday, they're away this weekend. Yesterday felt as if i was on the outside looking in couldn't get hold of cpn at the time. Got drunk last night. Had a walk with a couple of work colleagues today, home, spoke to my sister and mother and now I feel really spaced out as if i'm not in. Does that make sense. I've now had a drink to stop me driving out to the place I had planned, but I feel empty, nothing, vacant, as if I am at peace.......I'm ready....

1 like, 29 replies

29 Replies

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  • Hitman86
    Hitman86 tina89895

    Posted

    Hi Tina,

    I don't know why I logged on just now as I haven't been on this in a while. I don't believe in coincidences.

    Before you do anything like you described please call 999 and speak to someone. People are there to comfort you and make you at ease. I had to recently stop the mirtazapine due to such similar thoughts you're experiencing.

    I am now in different medication and it's going better. Please pick up the phone and dial for a doctor. People care about you. I care about you.

  • rstep04
    rstep04 tina89895

    Posted

    Hi please re think u have to be strong for ur family remember depression/anxiety is an illness and it does take a long time to recover but u will come out the other side Im also suffering with depression and panic disorder and felt unwell for around a year now since my son went away I can't get my head round it and I've been so lonely with no friends to support me taking it out on everyone around me I've thought about it daily but want to spend as much time as I have with my other son please rethink as there are so many supportive people on this site I'm here for u if you wish to email ________ kind regards Ruth

    Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service.

    http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

  • Brandy964
    Brandy964 tina89895

    Posted

    Dear Tina,

    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

    Is there anyone you can talk to tonight Hun? A friend, your son? Maybe Samaritans? Have Drs got your medication sorted for you?

    Hold on to those precious hugs & kisses from your grandkids & how special they are to you, think of the special moments that you'll get to share with them in the future.

    I do understand the feelings you're experiencing, when the world is as black & dark as you feel it's so very hard to see light but I promise you there is light. I too tried suicide, luckily I was caught in time, at the time I didn't think I was lucky but after a long tough struggle & years of counselling I'm glad I made it.

    Tina please stay strong.

    Sending you lots of love & thinking of you xx

  • dave1948
    dave1948 tina89895

    Posted

    please dont do it tina my neice committed suicide 4 yeares ago and her family including me were defistated i know how you must be feeling please dont .god be with you
  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    My letter is written i'm sitting here with my coat on looking at my crisis plan knowing I;ve got to ring someone 
    • Brandy964
      Brandy964 tina89895

      Posted

      Please please ring someone ASAP Tina, is there a number on your crisis plan you can ring? Take your coat off Hun & pick up the phone xx
  • lorraine24104
    lorraine24104 tina89895

    Posted

    Tina let us know you are ok. Have you called anyone yet. We will all be here tomorrow.

    Talk to us if you can't call someone. Please try. Where do you live?

  • david28533
    david28533 tina89895

    Posted

    Tina, please post your address on this site. We want to be able to send someone to help you when this happens. We know that you are hurting, please don't take away our only sure way of stopping what I am sure you would be sorry for if you just give medicine and friends and particularly family time to work out your problem. Please. My mother tried to kill herself during a prescription drug induced depression, about 10 years ago. The rescue squad carried her to the hospital, and after about 6 months of care, she was back to cooking Christmas dinner again, taking group trips, going walking, going to church, and loving life. She is now 77 and still in good health, still on the go. That is already 10 years that the family has had her that we wouldn't have. I am going through the worst mirtazapine withdrawal, over 4 months so far, that I know of. I have seen times when I saw death as relief. I wouldn't have done it, because of what it would do to my familiy, and I won't insult you by saying that I know how you feel, because nobody but you knows that. Please, if you are going to post on this site, remember, these people care, otherwise they wouldn't be here. Don't deprive us of at least some way to intervene in you doing something that we all are afraid of, and that we also know would eventually resolve. Once more, PLEASE put you address so that someone can get somebody there to help you. I am in the USA, and although I have been on this site for quite a while, I know nothing of the UK with regard to what is where. Tina, people love you. Love yourself, and love them (us) back. David
  • jude65855
    jude65855 tina89895

    Posted

    I think I've pointed this out to you before:  alchohol is a depressant, why are you still drinking it?
    • tina89895
      tina89895 jude65855

      Posted

      I bloody know haven't had any for ages its just helping me forget as its the aniversary of my husbands death and I f===== hate my life thats why... i don't need the lectures.

       

    • tina89895
      tina89895 jude65855

      Posted

      Sorry for being rude, waiting for someone to ring me back good old nhs
    • Brandy964
      Brandy964 tina89895

      Posted

      I don't think you were being rude Tina in fact it showed you've still got some fight in you!! I completely understand drinking to forget even though I knew it made me worse in the long run those few hours of drunken oblivion did help to forget & numb the pain. Keep trying NHS xx
    • david28533
      david28533 tina89895

      Posted

      Keep waiting for the call Tina. My baby brother's girlfriend came home from work. My brother was laying on the sofa with the TV playing, just like when she left going to work. There was an open liquor bottle, and a pill bottle sitting on the cocktail table beside the sofa. Neither bottle was empty, which in the investgators report indicated that if he had commited suicide he would have taken them all, and drank the liquor. It was ruled an accident. He has two beautiful daughters, and two grandsons that he will never enjoy because of a mistake involving alcohol and pain killers. No lecture intended. You are an adult, and are trying to get help. Please don't make a mistake in the mean time.
    • jude65855
      jude65855 tina89895

      Posted

      Not a lecture Tina, if I wasn't concerned about you I wouldn't bother responding
    • Brandy964
      Brandy964

      Posted

      Have you managed to speak to someone Hun? Let us know you're ok xx
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