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Just so unbelievably lonely! :(

Posted , 9 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I'm sure everyone here can empathise with how lonely depression can be whether you have people around you or not. 

I have absolutely nothing at the moment. I don't speak with family and have one friend. I cut myself off from everyone when my depression got bad so, it is my own fault that it's ended up this way. 

I can't even leave my room, my bed...let alone my house at the minute! 

I just want someone to give me a big hug and tell me everything will be ok but, there's nobody there to do that and I can't say I feel connected to even myself. 

All I do is sit in bed and doze, dreaming most of the time. Usually about falling from great heights and a multitude of bad situations but, even that is better than this non existence I am stuck in! 

Sorry to ramble on, I start counselling on Monday so...maybe things will change soon. Maybe. 

3 likes, 30 replies

30 Replies

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  • katep
    katep fee25

    Posted

    Things will change luv,but first no matter how hard it is you have to get up and start moving about if not you fall deeper into the depression trap

    I'm in same position at the moment with depression and anxiety

    I spend all day with body tremors erratic thoughts and anxiety rushes

    It's really hard but it will start to get easier the more you can do xx much love

    • fee25
      fee25 katep

      Posted

      You're right I really need to get up and get moving again, the more I stay lying here the harder it is to do anything at all! Even the smallest of things!

      I'm sorry to hear that, erratic thoughts are the worst! 

      Thank you for your comment! xx

  • justbeingme2
    justbeingme2 fee25

    Posted

    I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. My chest was hurting -- probably anxiety. I thought, wouldn't it be great if I just had a heart attack and died...

    Most of the time I don't even have the energy to post or comment. I too isolated myself but miraculously have struggled to make my classes but I don't even brush my hair...just throw on a cap. I keep going hoping one day I will be myself again. I hope you feel better soon and that counseling works for you.

    • fee25
      fee25 justbeingme2

      Posted

      I know what you mean! Sometimes I just think if I could fall asleep and never wake up again everything would be perfect. An endless sea of nothing. 

      I'm glad your able to get to your classes, I can empathise with you, I just finished my last year of Uni and it was so hard to make it in, it's great to keep going though! 

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee

    Firstly I'm sending you a big big hug!!

    I know only to well how you are feeling. I stayed in my bed for 3 months. After that would get up a little bit but not venture outside. Lost loads of weight and felt like a sack of poo!

    I can assure you things will start changing and you will get better. Over the last three days I have started to feel my old self.. I am in disbelief that this illness can lift out of the blue. Now for the first time in ages I can happily talk to my family and do not have the urge to stay in bed an isolate. This will happen to you too! We all believe that we won't get better, but we will and we do.

    Stay strong each day your closer to recovery.

    Big big hugs to you

    Lorraine xx

    • chris14174
      chris14174 lorraine52317

      Posted

      Hi lorraine

      just wanted to say what a great comment you made. I am ill every 3 months and really struggle just wish there was an answer xx

    • fee25
      fee25 lorraine52317

      Posted

      Hi Lorraine! 

      Aw, thank you so much for your post. 

      I'm really glad that things are turning around for you, it's really inspirational and I hope the same can happen for me too. I do want to be my old, happy self again! It just feels as though this rubbish, depressed version of myself is all I've ever known now! 

      Thank you again Lorraine, your post means a lot, it's lovely to hear that you are now getting some much deserved relief from the pains of depression! 

      xxx

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 chris14174

      Posted

      Hi Chris

      The change will happen 100% last week I was thinking I'm nearly through my 4th month and I'm never going to get better. 3 days ago I woke up and new instantly I was feeling better. I found it hard to believe as I had been so desperately unwell for so long. Today I am sitting with my family and thoroughly enjoying feeling good. It will happen to you Chris you too will wake up one day very soon. Keep in touch please xx

    • chris14174
      chris14174 lorraine52317

      Posted

      Hi Lorraine

      thank you so much for your reply. Im struggling to leave the house cook and drive and feel such a failure. just can't understand why it keeps happening and tried lots of antidepressants and now have a mood stabilser too but it just keeps happening. So glad you're feeling better but god those months are so hard to get through and trying to work too. You're an inspiration just letting me feel I'm not alone thank you. It's a horrible thought trying to live like this every 3 months xx

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 fee25

      Posted

      Hi fee

      You are so welcome X don't beat yourself about trying harder. For me I became exhausted from the battle of trying hard each day. Only when I truly accepted that I would take each day as it comes and if I didn't achieve my targets there's always tomorrow. I know everyone feels getting up and about helps..I also know it's impossible when you are feeling depressed to the point your body is exhausted and doesn't want to budge!

      Only this last few days am I up and about and feeling hopeful that I'm truly on the mend.

      Don't be hard on yourself. Do what you can manage. Even if it's nothing there's always tomorrow!!

      Hugs and blessings to you fee

      Lorraine xxx

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 chris14174

      Posted

      Hi Chris

      I really feel for you having this illness once is horrific. What are you taking now? It sounds like you have tried various combination of meds, that must be so disheartening. What is your gp saying? You cannot be expected to keep suffering like this.

      Xxx

    • chris14174
      chris14174 lorraine52317

      Posted

      Hi Lorraine

      im on sertraline and quitiapine but stil get ill every 3 months the gp has exhausted every ad I think so mental health team are suppose to be reviewing it but I have no idea when and I'm scared to go through it again but have no choice really. Lithium has been mentioned xx I just don't know the answer xx

    • lorraine52317
      lorraine52317 chris14174

      Posted

      Bless you Chris I really feel for you. I can't imagine keep having to start all over again on different meds. Has your doctor given you diazepam or something similar for times when you are feeling really bad? They helped me a lot!

      I really hope you get your appointment quickly so you don't have to keep suffering.

      Stay in touch

      God bless you

      Lorraine x

    • chris14174
      chris14174 lorraine52317

      Posted

      Hi Lorraine no I've never been offered anything like that. I think duluxotine worked for a short time but my gp wont do anything until I see mental health. Thank you I am hoping it won't be too long but scared to. I always have constant ringing in my ears to when I'm ill. Suppose to going away in a week and I'm dreading it. Can't even face packing.

      Thanks again love chris xxx

  • chris14174
    chris14174 fee25

    Posted

    I know exactly how you feel. These lovely supportive people on here are great. I feel so lonely even when my family are around I don't know what to say to them. I too hope you soon feel better I am waiting for the day when I feel myself again but sometimes it seems forever.

    hugs xx

    • fee25
      fee25 chris14174

      Posted

      This forum is a massive crutch for me, especially in times where it all just seems so dark. I understand what you mean, even if I'm with someone that I love and they're chatting away, I feel totally disengaged, like I'm not even there. 

      Thank you for your support Chris xx

    • ursulauc62
      ursulauc62 fee25

      Posted

      Hi, I have been feeling particularly bad this week too, and although I have a lovely husband and son, I have no friends and rarely see family. Things got like this gradually over some years, because my depression made me very reclusive, and now I suffer terrible lonliness. When I walk in to a shop or the Dr's surgery or anywhere where people work together and are chatting, I feel jelous. I havent worked for years, and its unlikely that I will again. I cant even think of anyone to use as a reference.  I so much just want a normal life, just to have someone to phone and chat to would help.  I have found myself spenidng most of the day lying on my bed this past week, and I sort of havent really cared, which upsets me sometimes. 

      I think about the life I used to have - lots of really good things, friends, jobs, travelling, etc, but its so painful because I dont know if I'll ever have any of it back.

      I am going to a group counselling session tomorrow. I havent had the courage to go before. I really hope it helps.

      This forum is a help for me as well.

    • fee25
      fee25 ursulauc62

      Posted

      I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling the same way Ursulauc62. Could you join a club at all? A choir or book club or anything that meet every week or so to get you socialising again? 

      I spend all my time in bed and it's getting the point where my physical health is affected, I don't eat or move and my head is constantly pounding. Even my eye-sight feels so off at the moment because I spend so much time lying in the dark. 

      I hope your group counselling did help! It's definitely something worth going to and trying out. xx

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