Just wondered if anyone else felt the same please!!

Have you spoken to anyone who can help. You have to do what you want not what everbody else wants.

I think you need to be honest with yourself. You need to get out of your job because this is obviously adding to your depression. 

Sorry to hear about your mother. I think this sounded like an impulsive move which is understandable. 

You are not letting anyone down and if there is anything about your team and your husband, with due respect, they will support your decision. We all make mistakes in our careers and sometimes go into jobs we thought may be for us but turn out not to be. Its nothing to be ashamed of if you feel this isn't the role where you feel your future does not lie.

The best thing to try and get around understanding is to write things down - again its no bad thing if you need to write things down to remember things - we all do. Everyone is different but it certainly doesn't mean you are more stupid than they are. 

I think you just need to make that leap of faith but in the meantime, see what other jobs are going which are more for you. Don't forget to speak to someone about your feelings of depression as its important and you are a good person. You need to eradicate those feelings are your own mind is betraying you.

Hey, if you're not happy in your current job you really shouldn't stay just out of feeling obligated or that you have let anyone down. I assume you're in the UK? There is an excellent charity call The Richmond Fellowship which helps people suffering from depression to find jobs and retain employment and they have offices all over the country. You don't need to be refered by a doctor, you can be self diagnosed. They are very helpful and will do anything they can to help you overcome any problems which are holding you back. I hope things look up for you soon xx

I want to tell you something about my last job and that you have some understanding as to why I left. 

Basically, I got accused of leaving some unpleasant comments on a social media site which I did not and I appreciate you have only my word for this. 

During this time, I went into a state of shock and I was terrified and contemplated thoughts of suicide though thankfully I did not follow through with this. 

After months of anxiety in which I could not for some part of this, even leave the house, I had my final disciplinary hearing and was told that "I" was not responsible for the more colourful comments which caused such an issue in the first place. In retrospect, this angers me because I went through a torrid time, only to be told this, but in the end, I was just mightily relieved it was all over. 

Also I was suffering illness during all of this and found it increasingly difficult to return to work. I only returned to work intermittently during the investigation and my illness and in January last year, I realised that there was more to life than a job which didn't offer me much of anything anymore and seeing how shabbily I had been treated, especially during my sickness, I handed in my resignation and this wasn't hotly contested by my employer which also annoyed me after all the years of effort I put in - I worked so hard over 11 years but got little back for my efforts, to be honest. 

Life is too short and no job should be making you feel depressed or have a hold of power over your life as this is wrong and constitutes harrassment and bullying. That is why I made the choice to quit and its the best decision I ever made. 

If you can try and find a job before leaving, I recommend it strongly but apart from that, you do need to get out and ensure you have the support of those who mean the most to you. You need to take charge of your own destiny and nobody else will. Only then will you truly be free.

Good luck to you.

Thank you all for the messages back. It has filled me with hope and feeling a little bit more positive! I am in charge of my destiny and I need to take charge. I do have a wonderful husband who I know will support me through anything. I guess taking this role at the time of my mum passing away was what I needed to do but things have changed. Maybe I always be a bit of a drifter with jobs but ey aslong as I've tried I suppose!

Think I may start the job search and see what comes up, can't harm right?!

I know I'll always be the type of person that's struggles with depression, anxiety and low self esteem just have to keep trying and hope the cloud lifts!

Xx

Oh how I wish I could be one of those people who just do what they want to do without care as to what others think.  Those people are confident, but I have also seen some who are like this whom I would never want to be like.  So I have meekly chosen to be pushed around.  At different times in my life I have not allowed others to define who I am, but then I seem to fall back down.  

So, I guess I want to say is, What Do YOU Want?  In the end it all comes down to this.  Do what you want.  I used to think that as long as it was just me suffering, then it was ok.  But I found that the stress of being the only one suffering while allowing others to be happy, took it's toll on my body and my mind.  

Be.  Be!  Just BE what you want to be.  You are truly not serving your family nor yourself by leading a dimished life.

Take care!

Dawn, USA

I think I've made my mind up, I'm not guna quit until I've found something else that I know is more suited to me. I spoke to a work colleague who I feel a connection with she lost her mum when she was 25 same as me! She just understands all my struggles I've had with my dad, emotions, coming to terms with losing my mum who I was so close to. She believes I need to go down a new career path, she is a nurse where I work and we face, talk about death everyday! Sadly said colleague is leaving very soon, our whole team is changing and I don't cope well with change.

Anyway I think my mind is set, it's scary even thinking about it and the new challenges ahead, I just want a job where I can go, do my work and come home forget about it, not doubt myself if I've done the right thing and not have the responsibility! I'm also worried about telling the existing team as I know they'll be so disappointed and shocked, they constantly tell me what a good job I'm doing even though I feel rubbish, for them it will probably come out of the blue!!

X B X