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lack of understanding from friends with no experience of THR

Posted , 19 users are following.

hippy28
hippy28

I'm 7 weeks post op so am now walking well on 2 sticks and sometimes 1 if not uneven. I'm out of hip precautions so can drive and am trying to get back to normal slowly. Though I've been told not to lift anything heavy, walk through mud or ride my horse until 12 weeks.

So on the surface I must seem 'normal'.

I went to the stables this morning to see my horse and just do some gentle grooming. When I asked someone if they could take my horses rug off as it was heavy, I was told it's not heavy and to stop milking the situation.

Later as the weather was lovely some of the people were going riding. I said I wished I could join them but I've got to wait until 12 weeks.

Again the reaction was they wouldn't bother with that, they'd get on and ride and that I should be doing more.

I just replied that I'm not risking the progress I've made so far and that the muscles take a long while to heal after major surgery.

Has anyone else had experience of friends showing lack of understanding.

2 likes, 35 replies

35 Replies

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  • barbara_72197
    barbara_72197 hippy28

    Posted

    I had a friend come to visit me at about 3 weeks post surgery and she asked me several times why I was so slow to move, I felt like I was zipping around on one crutch. I was so proud of myself. It was really unkind.   But people just don't get it. And they are always quick to give advice. I ended up recovering really well and quickly from surgery but at 6 weeks tore muscles around the hip and started over completely. Back to two crutches and was not using any at 6 weeks. You are right to stick to your guns. It is a major surgery and you need to heal fully. 

    • hippy28
      hippy28 barbara_72197

      Posted

      Thats true Barbara, people can be so unkind through their lack of understanding. I only hope they never have to go through it.

      Sorry to hear that you tore your muscles at six weeks. That must have been awful having done so well.

      I hope all going better now.

    • barbara_72197
      barbara_72197 hippy28

      Posted

      I've been to see my doctor yesterday. He said the muscles are still too inflamed and I need an anti-inflammatory shot asap. Boo. 

      oh well, it will improve. And untill then I am so grateful there are people here who are helpful! 

  • dorothy04749
    dorothy04749 hippy28

    Posted

    Hi hippy

    gor blimey you will be inundated with replies!!  Yes there are a lot of people out there who are ignorant of what the op entails, prob half of us reading patient forum too initially, but for the first time in my life it helped me to sort out the wheat from the chaff and there was loads of chaff too but boy do I appreciate my true friends now!!

    regards Dot

    • hippy28
      hippy28 dorothy04749

      Posted

      That's so true about sorting the wheat from the chaff. You certainly find who your true friends are. I've had a nucleus of about half a dozen who have done various things for me like any shopping, putting in a light bulb our just calling in for coffee and a chat, which is invaluable when you live in your own.

      The others have been all words saying they'd text me and call in but have been ' too busy'. Incidentally it was some of these who made the comments about milking the situation.

      I certainly appreciate my true friends.

  • julie40975
    julie40975 hippy28

    Posted

    Absolutely not! I must say they don't sound like good friends at all. You do have to be careful for a long time just because you may look ok you still ha e to be careful not to dislocate and riding could cause this if too early. Can't believe their reaction find some new friends!!!

    Julie

  • maggie93798
    maggie93798 hippy28

    Posted

    Get them the link to one of the films of the op on YouTube. If they manage to watch it all the way through........ perhaps they might also like see the info re recovery taking up to a year

    Alternatively make friends with more hippies

  • Chloeparrot
    Chloeparrot hippy28

    Posted

    Fortunately, I did not suffer from this experience with friends.  Family - yes!  Why wasn't I able to do that or this or something else, why was my recovery so slow - this latter question really irritated as I was walking unaided at 7 weeks.  I eventually asked said family member if they were quite aware of what the operation entailed - to which they replied that they didn't know the exact details.  So I told them and in precise detail too and then added that their unhelpful and uninformed comments were just that and should cease immediately.

    Much to my delight, the said unhelpful comments did cease!

    I suggest that next time you see these 'friends' I would show them the operation you have just had - plenty of versions on Youtube and then ask them why they thought you had been 'milking' the situation and also why you should ignore your surgeons advise in favour of theirs.

    • Suziemo
      Suziemo Chloeparrot

      Posted

      Good idea ,if only they saw the brutal operation many others would be more compassionate . 

      They do t seem to understand it takes time for everything to re grow and support inside . 

      I am 4 months post op and still being very careful as I know the times I am not I end up in pain and regretting it. 

      Sure we all get there in the end. 

  • Suziemo
    Suziemo hippy28

    Posted

    Hi 

    I know exactly what you mean . It takes time . Some people just don't get it , they think you had the op now so everything is fine your back to normal. 

    It really is quite a journey of steps forward and steps back again if you over do it. 

    Fed up with " are you better now " some days yes ,some days no and some mixed feelings. I do feel eventually I will be,but it does take time .

    They really don't seem to understand and make us feel like we are being over cautious and wrapping ourself scup in cotton wool ,but we know our limitations and should be careful.

    Even my own mum who took care of my dad 15 years ago after a hip op was saying ,you back to normal now after a couple of weeks ,when she should have known better, 

    My dad is due another hip in a couple of weeks time ,sure she won't be expecting him to be back to normal after 2 weeks, let's wait and see then. 😀

    Sorry about the moan . 

     

    • Chloeparrot
      Chloeparrot Suziemo

      Posted

      Hi Suzie

      Always good to have a moan on this forum - after all WE all understand. So moan away - and enjoy!

  • steve86482
    steve86482 hippy28

    Posted

    It's like riding a Harley. If you have to explain it to them, they would not understand.

  • osprey1
    osprey1 hippy28

    Posted

    That is awful.  Really thoughtless and unkind into the bargain.  I dont even have my operation yet and find friends just do not realise what major surgery it is.  I was saying how I am relly scared and the recovery time is a worry, to be told oh its routine. Well it doesnt feel like routine to me. Even my conultant said it is a big operation.   If I am where you are at 7 weeks post office I will be over the moon! I am annoyed on your behalf !! thoughless and ignorant into the bargain. 
  • sue13845
    sue13845 hippy28

    Posted

    Yes there are some people who just seem to lack any empathy- but they haven't been there! There are also some who have made miraculous uncomplicated reciveries( they seem few!) I found that hard and personally frustrating as I slowly regain strength and- dare I say it - confidence.

    This group has kept me going In a way I would never have imagined-thankyou all of you

    Stick with it, show them the films and guess how they would cope- I bet your much steadier then they would be!

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