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May have herpes--BUT I'M A VIRGIN!! Please help

Posted , 15 users are following.

k49750
k49750

Hello all. I am seriously so devastated and depressed about what's going on with my lately.

I am a 19 year old female currently enrolled in college. I have a boyfriend that I met about 7 months ago.

I told him about my values in waiting until marriage to have sex. He didn't have a problem with it and never pressures me.

I was not opposed to having oral sex, however. This may be the reason why I'm going through what I am.

My partner has NEVER had a cold sore on his mouth or any kind of sore on his genitals. He has always used protection before me and has been faithful to me since we met (there's proof, so I am trying to eliminate that possibility)

He gets STD tested every year. But STD Tests do not check for herpes.

I woke up with a very high fever/headache. I noticed a lot of burning sensations when I used the restroom. I then noticed the bumps increasing in redness and size. I applied a feminine hydrocortizone cream, but it may have inflammed a little more with that.

I assumed that I had a UTI. I then started researching and got really worried about certain STDs. I went to my doctor and got tested for a UTI. She said there was some bacteria there, but maybe not enough for my symtomps I'm going through.

She took a look and instantly said "This looks herpetic; We have to culture these!" I AM IN SHOCK COMPLETELY I START CRYING IN THE CLINIC.

The next 30 mins or so of my appointment was spent on questions about me, my partner, our activities, etc. She said the test results will come back in 2-3 days and I shall get called back into her office.

Honestly I have looked up all the symptoms and I fit all of them; but the bumps don't really look like open sores. It is very very painful down there, and I'm assuming this would be the worst of a first outbreak if I test positive.

My partner is also getting a blood test, because he has no bumps/sores to get cultured. I know that he may have the virus and it could lie dormant, but he has not performed oral sex on anyone other than me and has used protection every time.

I personally have remained faithful within our relationship. I am still very young, and scared about my results. I never thought something like this could happen to me--someone whose never even had vaginal or anal sex. My partner's genitals were no where in contact to mine. Skin-to-skin contact was not made.

My worse fear is finding out that my test is positive. I did look up the possibility of having the Staff Infection on my genitals. That could be a possibility, but I'm not sure.

I know this sounds like it's my fault, but i'm really struggling to understand why/how this happened. I have been very emotional and my partner has been crying for me, while trying to be supportive. This is very hard for the both of us.

Please help me into guidance of what I may have? My results will come in about 3 more days. I will have 5 finals to study and prepare for when I recieve the phone call.

Thank you

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • archemedes
    archemedes k49750

    Posted

    Please speak to 'Feelbroken' on this forum who has extensive experience of this sort of problem. 
  • feelbroken
    feelbroken k49750

    Posted

    Well hun, most people don't get cold sores that have oral herpes. I have a friend who never in her life had one and she learned she does have it through testing. He sounds like he is an asymptomatic carrier. Have your guys genitals rubbed together by chance? That's also all it takes to pass herpes.. Skin to skin contact w no penetration. Sounds likely it is hsv 1 from oral.

    Not everyone breaks out like you see online. Those are the worst case scenarios w sores. If you want, you can take a pic and crop it, so I can only see the bumps and post it on here, but it does sound like it from what you are describing.

    My recurrent obs (ob or obs stands for outbreaks) aren't ever sores.. I usually like I did Friday morning, just wake up and have a red bump..

    Take as many Epsom salt baths as you can to get some relief and take 800mlgs of motrin every 4hrs. Did she provide you w any numbing gel or spray?

    Hun, most people get oral herpes when they are kids, from an infected adult kissing them. Hsv 1 is known as oral herpes a d HSV 2 is known as genital herpes, however, oral herpes can be spread to the genitals through oral sex.

    Condoms only provide 30% protection from herpes and HPV. So even if he did use condoms all the time, he could of still contracted it. Asbi mentioned, herpes don't require penetration to pass, it simply requires skin to skin contact of the mouth or genitals.

    I just saw you said you didn't have skin to skin contact w his genitals, so I believe it to been passed from oral sex.

    Listen, this is not your fault or your partners fault. It can and doea happen to anyone. It was just a bad luck of the draw. It happens all the time. 70% of new genital herpes cases in the UK are from oral sex and they are about 30-50% in the US. It is at the fault of our poor sexual education and STD testing. The lack of knowledge on someone's status and lack of education, is what causes this to be am epidemic.

    .I am so sorry you are going through this and it is horrible, believe me I know. . but you will get to a place of acceptance. There is w out a doubt a grieving process once one finds out they have herpes. You will for a couple of months run through all the scenarios of how this will impact future relationships and that is normal. Just know I have 6 gfs w genital herpes. 5 are married w kids and yes, all had a positive status before their husbands and they all delivered vaginally and the kids were healthy. The 6th friend has had it for 9yrs and has had multiple relationships and no rejections. Only one out of the group has experienced rejection for a relationship, but they were still willing to sleep w her, so goes to show they used it as an excuse to not have a relationship and they were just after sex the entire time.

    Since you are choosing to wait for marriage, the partner you end up telling will be the one that's going to be your husband and when a relationship is at that level, he is not going yo walk away and if he does, who wants a partner for life like that? Herpes is nothing, no different than people who walk around w those big sores on their lips, you and I are no different than they are.

    Be patient w yourself, it is normal to feel the way you do. When things clear up and you can go about your daily life, you will start to feel hope again and as it continues, you will feel that more and more, until acceptance takes place.

    Hang in there, a lot of us have been there. If it hurts to use the pathrokm, run a shallow bath to sit in and go. If no bath, use a warm cup of water to pour on you as you go. Separating your lips can help and even applying Vaseline and a heavy coating to protect the infected skin when you pass urine will help as well. Try wrapping a cold pack w paper towels and wedge between your legs while you rest. Start boosting you immune system w the following.

    - 2000mlgs of vitamin C & D

    - double doses of zinc and magnesium during obs, but regular daily dosage every day w no obs.

    - all vitamin Bs

    - daily live culture probiotic.

    Unfortunately there is not a whole lot you can do for pain on your primary ob.. You just gotta rest and ride it out. It will end, don't worry. Don't fear the recurrent obs either, they will be nothing like the first. I've never been in pain from my recurrent and can do the same physical activity I'd do w no ob. Hang in there doll.

    • liz75523
      liz75523 feelbroken

      Posted

      Thank you for your advice and understanding.  I just found out on Monday that I have type 1 genital herpes.  I'm 52 and have been married for 30 years.  I had no idea I could contract this through oral sex.  I have been devastated this past week trying to process everything.  Your post to the 19 year old young lady helped me too.  My husband and I are trying to figure all of this out, and I know we will, but your kind words were very helpful and hopeful.  Thanks.
    • k49750
      k49750 feelbroken

      Posted

      Thank  you very much.. I feel very scared to tell anyone.. since i'm so young i feel that my family will be so dissappointed in me.. I may choose to deal with this all alone and just with my partner.

      Please post anything else you feel may help.. I get my test results back tomorrow/the next day and am so so nervous.

      god bless you, thank you for everything

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken liz75523

      Posted

      Aww Liz, I'm sorry you're going through this, it really is a shock and blow to every single one of us, which is why I do dedicate myself to this forum on a daily basis. Please heed the words I gave her and read that over and over. Also follow the advice for supplements.

      Most people w hsv 1 on their genitals, ever have another ob again and/or if they do, its for the first yr and then a decade or more w out. My bump I got Friday was a red bump w some minor swelling around it and today it is merely just a bright red flat dot, no bump. Never blistered or turned into an ulcer. That is how my recurrents have been and I have hsv 2 and autoimmune disorders, which means my body has a harder time, as my immune system is in overdrive. Hsv 1 on the genitals sheds and breaks out half the time as hsv 2. The likely hood of passing it to your partner is very low. So the following statistics of transmission rate female to male, sex 2-3xs a week yearly and abstaining during signs/symptoms are as follows.

      - no condoms or daily suppressive therapy: 4%

      - condoms or meds: 2%

      - condoms and meds: 1%

      These figures are for HSV 2, so you're to cut them almost in half, in regards to transmission risk w genital HSV 1, due to being less active when not in its home base and preference...

      When you get past this primary ob, you'll realize as time passes, you are no different than you were before this.. We treat oral herpes like it's nothing and it should be viewed the same as genital herpes. We just get caught up in the stigmatization of it all and herpes jokes we hear in movies or from people.

      Listen, I went to my first putting around a lot of people a month after infection and had to listen to my first herpes joke by a friend.. I had dreaded this moment ans thought I'd be crushed, but it didn't.. It just made me realize, especially w out forward I am, how much I really need to watch what I say around others, as yiu really have no idea what battle they are fighting. It was a an awakening for me in many aspects in my life from how I really need to give my body the nutrients it absolutely needs, having even more compassion and empathy for others ans I need to help others where I can help and make a difference and be careful what you say... There is always a silver lining in bad situations and I feel confident you both will find yours, just as I did and will continue to do. Hang in there. You both can feel free to private message me if need be to rant and for advice.

    • liz75523
      liz75523 feelbroken

      Posted

      Thank you so much.  I had read so many awful things this past week.  Yesterday I finally broke down and just cried and cried.  Today I feel much better and much more hopeful.  I appreciate your help and support.  I just showed your post to my husband and he was encouraged too.  Thank you for sharing your silver lining.  😊
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken liz75523

      Posted

      What awful things were you reading and where? The medical community is not educated on herpes... Pretty much most aren't. I will walk circles around most docites on this disease any day. I studied it at the virology level, I don't read WebMD and other garbage like that. You guys ate been married so long as is, would it really natter if he did catch it at the end of the day, since you all promised in sickness and in health? It's great that you all arw even having sex after 30yrs of marriage, I've known others who have quit after 8. Maybe this silver lining was to being you both closer. Fear and uncertainty can make or break relationships and I believe in your guys case, it at be what reinforces that team unity, being it for life together. .

      Good, glad I could help.

    • Austin17
      Austin17 feelbroken

      Posted

      What if I've never had sex, nor any sexual intercourse. How could that be possible for me to contract herpes around my genitals. It doesn't hurt, but I've noticed little areas with bumps. I've done a lot of research but am still very confused. I haven't gone to get it checked out yet, cause I really don't know how. Im scared and really don't know what to do.

    • beas
      beas Austin17

      Posted

      I've read that it can spread. I get a sore nose inside and now I'm thinking it was cold sores and that I've given it to myself!

    • gabgab
      gabgab feelbroken

      Posted

      Hi, I think I will look stupid by saying this but,

      I think I have herpes, I don't know how to send you the picture but I'll just tell my story 

      I'm a 15  year  old  boy all I do is jerkoff, when I wake up jerkoff,after going home from school jerkoff, then one day  I found these little bumps in between my thighs and genitals then I already knew that I might have herpes because I'm aware of this kind of stories then I quickly looked on Google on how to get herpes but I'm a VIRGIN!! ALL I DO IS JERK OFF  PLS  HELP  

      these  bumps  looks like a small plastic bags, very small plastic bags on your skin that is about to be filled up by water or whatsoever pls help  

  • liz75523
    liz75523 k49750

    Posted

    I'm so sorry, Sweetie.  Im 52 and just found out on Monday that I have type 1 herpes from having oral sex with my husband of 30 years. I feel devastated, and I can only imagine what I would have felt at 19.  I had no idea this could happen, or that either one of us even had herpes type 1 in our mouth.  It sounds like "Feelbroken" has some great advice.  My doctor also gave me Valtrex to take for 10 days and that has helped a lot with the achy body feeling as well as the pain of the sores.  She also gave me a Lidacaine ointment to use topically for the pain.  It does help but stings right at first.  My doctor said that type 1 is much easier to manage than type 2, so  I guess that's better than it could be.  She said there would be fewer outbreaks and that they get less and less over time as the body builds up antibodies.  We could be very lucky and never have another outbreak.  Please be kind to yourself, this was not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong.  Try to stay steady on your course with your studies and not let this derail you.  You'll be okay.  You'll figure this out.  We both will.  Big hugs.
  • k49750
    k49750

    Posted

    Thank you very much..

    I am really close to my family and I have no idea if they will be able to bear this news if I tell them. I know my dad would be so dissappointed in me..he won't even care to hear the facts.

    I really feel alone and independent dealing with this.. I will find out the results tomorrow/the next day but I have been preparing myself for the worst. I just feel like at 19, the rest of my life is ruined. But this forum and your comment makes me feel better.

    tHANK YOU SO MUCH. god bless

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken k49750

      Posted

      Listen your family or anyone else, doesn't need to know about this. For some reason, the diagnosis of herpes, makes many feel like they are lying, sick w guilt and have to disclose to people who 1. It doesn't impact them in any way and 2. Don't need to know, because it is none of their business. I was the same way. I felt like I was lying to those close to me and even those that I wasn't! It was the strangest thing and I had to basically lock myself in my house till I got past this phase and didn't fear blurting it out to someone. I suggest you keep it to yourself, unless you know someone w out a doubt will not judge you or tell anyone else. Speak to a counselor if need be .

      I can assure you, your life is not ruined. My life continued on the same way as usual. It was I, that was looking through rise colored lenses after my diagnosis. Its not what the problem is, it is how you kook at the problem. Life does not care if you have herpes, your education and future career does not care if you have herpes. It is YOU that cares you have herpes. Dont feed into the social stigma of it. Your life is only ruined, because you let it be ruined by herpes. Herpes is not making you a paraplegic, have a terminal disease, disfiguring you beyond recognition.. It's changed nothing, other than a set back from normal activities like when you get the flu and having to, have one of so many uncomfortable convos, you'll have to have w a future partner. Do you see how minimal the impact of it is going to be the rest of your life? If the rest of your life is 100%, then herpes is going to be .001% of that 100% in how it will impact your life. Do you see now the bigger picture? Nobody gets devastated that they get oral herpes and feel their life is over, but some do when they get genital herpes. How is it any different? Why? Because you're allowing the ignorant stigma to define you? At least your friends, classmates and future employers will not know you have genital herpes, but they sure would know if you had it all over your mouth. Do not drink the stigma kool-aid... Your whole life is ahead of you, w or w out herpes.. Believe me .

      Like if I had a choice to have a baby or get herpes, I'd choose herpes over a baby. To some this is strange, but they're both for life and one cost a heck of a lot more than the other and comes w a lot more responsibility. I don't want kids. So you see? It's all relative. So there's worse things than herpes. As the saying goes: if everyone threw their problems in one pile, you'd be fighting to take yours back. Keep your chin up.

    • gloria44548
      gloria44548 feelbroken

      Posted

      Hi feelbroken. I have a few questions that I hope you can answer. I went to the ER in hopes of getting a diagnose of what I have. My gyno is out of town for 2 more weeks and my general doctor is booked up. The doctor (im guessing she was a doct) that saw me in tge E.R. just to look and said it looked like herpes and gave me 3 prescriptions and told me to follow up with my doctor.

      My question is since I'm not sure which type it is I'm trying to figure it out. I've read that mostly type 2 does not spread anywhere else on your body. I've heard type 1 would most likely spread to limbs. I'm pretty sure I've had type 1 since I was a teen because ive gotten occasional cold sores in my mouth. And I've also heard if you have it your body builds antibodies for the rest of your body parts. So I'm trying to rule out type 1 is what I recently contracted. However, I just found a few blisters on my forearm. I believe they are small blisters but around/ close to them I have bug bites . And I scratch a lot . So if its not herpes type 1 and its type 2 that I have , it can spread?

      Im afraid because I have a 5 month old baby. I'm even afraid of touching her and it really depresses me. I don't want to infect her.

      The other question is about my career. I'm trying to go in the Respiratory therapist program and I feel that having herpes might stop me from being able to get in to the program or if I do get in and graduate that later on I wont be able to find a job. How should I go about this?

      I want to see a doctor so bad. I'm desperate to find out. Its not letting me concentrate on what I need to do in school and I'm scared to give my baby herpes or anyone near me for that matter. I really just want to isolate myself but I can't.

      Thanks if you can reply back I'd appreciate it very much.

  • snow25382
    snow25382 k49750

    Posted

    Similar thing happened to me. I've somehow contracted type 2 through kissing when I was very young and a virgin. I had zero idea I had it. I managed to pass it on to my first partner through oral sex. I had no symptoms. He wore a condom during sex. Next thing I know the guy shuts me out, says to his friends, "she knows what she did!" Then gets me arrested to "teach her a lesson." I was never more confused in my life!!! He never told me. He never talked to me since. Then I got married many years later and finally got my first breakout ever. I've been divorced since and now I'll never have sex again even though I am head over heels for a man. I have to keep pushing my thoughts away.
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