New here. need some encouragement while I try again..

Lori , I am you , I totally get what your dealing with , I too would binge for 3 or 4 days sometimes starting in the morning also. I haven't had a drink in 34 days . You can do this . My turning point was a health scare , i was convinced I had drank my body to the point of no return and I thought my god I can't leave my babies they need me . Luckily I ended up having only a kidney infection and all my other lab was perfect , but that was enough to make me put the bottle down .

Relax and stop beating yourself up. It only makes things worst. 😊Give me instead a list of your strengths and qualities and work on the positives. You have beautiful children and can stop drinking for two to three days. Why not a few more... you can do it. The hardest are 4 and 5 for me anyways. Love, hugs and courage

Hi Lori!

You're not alone.  I had to be told by an ER doctor that I'd die if I didn't stop drinking before I ever admitted to a doctor I needed help.  It was just too embarrassing.  I consider myself to be a reasonable, rational, logical person and drinking myself to death seemed to contradict how I thought of myself.  "I should be able to just stop" I'd tell myself.

I often break-down and "allow" myself to drink at around the 3-day mark as well.  I rationalize that to myself by saying "just one drink might help me get through the withdrawals".  Then it turns into, like you said, a several day long binge until I feel guilty and ashamed enough to try to get back on the horse and try again.

Are you taking a medication to help get out of the cycle?  Like Revia or Diazepam?  Or you working with sheer willpower?  When it comes to alocohol I have no willpower without my naltrexone and valium.  At least not for the first couple weeks when I manage to make it that long without liquor.

I know this sounds like a cop-out, but the more times I've tried to quit (like, the times I have made a real concerted effort and been willing to suffer to achieve sobriety), and the more times I fail, each attempt that follows gets slightly easier and I make it slightly longer without the alochol.  

Try not to beat yourself up when or if you have a slip.  It will just drive you into the ground harder, and there's no need to be embarrassed or ashamed when the addiction gets its way now and then.

I hope you drop in when you want to get some support!  The people here have been helpful and kind to me.  The fact that you posted here means you're ready and willing to quit, or get control over this.  That's a lot more than I was first able to admit to myself, let alone tell anyone

best regards from canada! -steve

Lori, this sounds very similar to the Alcohol Deprivation Effect. I tried to cut back from my ususal 9 pints a day to 3 pints, bit by bit over about a month. All of a sudden, I shot up past 9 pints and into the 12 pint range and above. You do see it quite a bit, people drying out then suddenly flying back into it, past what they were drinking before. Here's what I used to bring my drinking down from the 9 pint per day (every day) in January to a total of 6 pints over the last 30 days:

https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

It simply quashed my compulsion to drink and aside from taking the medication, it only required a bit of mindful attention to my drinking. No meetings. No "white knuckles" or resisting cravings. 

Good for you to recognise the problem and try do change,

ADE has given good advice.

What happens for you on day 3? Is it the withdrawal symptoms? If so you might want to see your doctor for detox. Or do you think after 3 days dry a drink won't hurt and you can't stop at one or two? In which case Google the Sinclair method.

I wish you all the best

I can't remember when I realized I did not have "control" of my drinking and that the drink had control over me.

The feeling of something having control over me makes me super angry.  This happened to me for years...stop for 3 days...drink....then all of a sudden I decided I couldn't skip a day.  I fooled myself to belief it was OK if I drank because I was working and taking care of 2 kids and not too much bad was happening.

Then....it all started...I started calling into work....driving my kids to games more drunk than usual....this was a gradual increase....like YOU noticing that this summer was out of control.

The best alternative as you know is to stop drinking completely.

However, if you can not do that (use the Naltraxone method) because...I hope you don't give in to it as I did only to find a year from now worse things start happening to you and your family.

Lastly, when you are here...you are not alone...so many of us know what you are going thru.

You are not a bad person....you are not a weak person...you are someone that has a "condition" and alcoholism is a very STRONG opponent.  I hope you find a way to win.

I'm exactly the same I'm a mom to two boys. everyday I say i won't drink but come 5pm I'm always reaching for the wine. I always feel tired the next day and hate myself for drinking. I feel my health is starting to get really affected too. I just don't know how to stop. I always manage for 3 days too then I convince myself just the one to relax then I can't stop. Feel so upset with myself and suffer with panic attacks which are exaggerated by drinking. Don't know what I can do x