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New partner, telling about diagnosis

Posted , 5 users are following.

kate38355
kate38355

Hi guys,

I'm new to the forum but wondering if any of you had any insight for me. I was diagnosed a few months ago with hsv 2, and was absolutely devastated. I still have not had the courage to tell anyone about my diagnosis. I didn't plan it, but have recently started talking to a great new guy and have hung out quite a few times. I know that eventually I will have to deal with things getting physical. I am 20, and go to a small college. I am horrified that if I tell him and he runs he will also tell others and I am just not ready for the world to know. I really like this one but almost feel the need to end things just so I don't have to deal with this situation. Any words of wisdom?

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus kate38355

    Posted

    That is a very tricky situation! Small college, young guy, probably not very mentally mature (even many older men lack maturity, lol), hmmm...

    Best thing is to get to know him a lot better, then you can hopefully better judge his character. If you one day disclose to him, a few tears and sense of extreme vulnerability may help ensure his silence as well! Genuine, of course, not acting!!

    Or you could friend zone him and just enjoy a platonic relationship, if you're not ready to disclose for whatever reason.

  • sweethheart5703
    sweethheart5703 kate38355

    Posted

    I would bring something up to get his take on it without admitting you have it. Say something like, my best friend just found out she got cold sores on the mouth (keep it lighter so it's not suspicious) and say you feel so bad and want to give her words of wisdom. See if he has any advice. Then casually say, would you date anyone with herpes? See his reaction. Try to bring something up to see what he says. How he acts without sounding like you yourself have it.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus sweethheart5703

      Posted

      That's true. Use Charlie Sheen as a way to get the convo going. Totally serious! I'm sure he'll be making headlines for a while, so fine to bring up now or later, plus it has come to light that he was previously accused of transmitting herpes.

      However, the problem is people usually react poorly to such hypothetical situations (e.g., "No way, that's so gross, I'd NEVER date someone with herpes!"), but may feel very differently if the person with herpes is someone they actually care about...

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      P.S. Not sure what made the winky face, but that was not in my original message!
    • kate38355
      kate38355 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Thank you guys both for your input. I will probably just wait and get to know him much better before anything happens. Just so scared of the day I will have to have this conversation whether it be with him or someone else.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus kate38355

      Posted

      That is a fear we all share. I have yet to encounter the situation myself and am not looking forward to it should I ever meet someone with potential. "Luckily" where I am currently, it is very hard to meet guys who want a serious relationship, so I guess I don't have to worry about the issue of disclosure for some time! Lol
  • rockin_R
    rockin_R kate38355

    Posted

    Boy I understand that. It would probably be a good idea to distance yourself professionally tell him you know I have some things to do with my parents... Or think of something cool. I know you're scared and if something happened between you and him he would definitely go to the college he cannot afford for that to happen. And right now it specially in the beginning in the amount of stress will cause trouble. Just remember no tight jeans keep your close on that are loose fitting. No scratching it keep your body cool clean and dry. Any chance that you have to open your legs and get a lot of hair on it will help with the healing it is a long time to heal and it can leave scars. It also could be easily transmitted through hand-to-hand or hand of mouth or handle I or wherever you put your hands after touching yourself be very careful honey need to get to a doctor and ask for some Acyclovir or Valtrex make it the most important thing you do keep yourself clean cool and dry 3 times a day take aspirin three times a day for treating fever so a fever reducing acid would be nice mild soap and water no picking scratching popping or anything just el it baby
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus rockin_R

      Posted

      Actually, you can wear whatever you like, so long as it feels comfortable. If tight pants, for example, appear to be a repeat trigger, *then* you stop wearing them, not before, otherwise you may be making changes you don't need to make! Each person's body manages GH differently, and triggers vary from person to person.

      Also, herpes does not transmit via everyday inanimate objects, especially not HSV-2. No need to go overboard with cleanliness, just common sense hygiene, like handwashing with soap after touching an active outbreak area or your genitals. Autoinoculation is only a potential issue during the first 4 months, up to 6 to be extra safe.

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