1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

No hope, no point

Posted , 4 users are following.

fee25
fee25

Genuinely starting to believe that it just doesn't get better for everybody. Maybe I, personally am just far too cynnical and stubborn for any help to really work but, for some I just really don't think there's a way out. 

Not writing this due to anything specific, just life, just frighteningly low moods, riddled with anxiety, sick of life and everything that comes with it. 

When everything you once loved becomes everything you now hate, how are you supposed to carry on? 

Hope everyone here has had a better week than myself...and good luck with the next one!

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • audrey96558
    audrey96558 fee25

    Posted

    I can so relate to this right now.

    I've tried every medication/CBT/counselling/psychology/psychiatrist I've been offered... But I don't feel any better.

    I was talking to my counsellor the other day about this precise thing.

    On my last psychology appointment (as in last of the sessions I'm entitled to) my psychologist actually said "will anything ever be good enough, will anything actually make you happy?".

    And I have to wonder... Will it? I can do every day life, but every time I know I'm "supposed" to be happy I know in my heart I am faking it. I'm just acting happy, I never actually feel it.

    I was remembering a time maybe 3 or 4 years ago where I could lie down after a hard day, have a bath, get into bed, sleep and wake up feeling rested. I haven't felt that in 3 or 4 years...

    The trouble is I know what it feels like so I know that how I feel now isn't "normal"...

    I don't know what the answer is and I know I haven't been helpful.

    But just know you aren't alone.

    I haven't given up hope yet, please stay strong too.

    There must be a way out of this, there has to be, we just haven't quite found our way yet.

    Lots of love and luck xxx

    • fee25
      fee25 audrey96558

      Posted

      Hey Audrey, thanks for your reply!

      That's the thing, it can get to a point for many where you can get through the day, but I just don't see the point in "just getting through it". There needs to be more and without it, why bother? 

      I wake up and don't want to leave my bed, I interact with others and can't wait to be on my own, I get some time to myself and feel just as bad, wait till I can fall asleep (always a crap nights sleep as well of course) and repeat daily.

      That's what makes it more difficult - knowing that certain things, simple things, could make you feel happy, content, relaxed and it seems almost nonsensical that one day those things just don't work. It's frustrating. 

      Sad as it is to say, not everyone can regain that happiness and that love of the little things, or of things in general. 

      I'm sure you won't be one of those people! I certainly hope nobody here gets lost in this illness. And when you know you were happy once you know you can be happy again - it's just a case of finding your way I suppose! 

       

  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox fee25

    Posted

    Fee

    Been there and I know it is cold, dark and lonely. That mythical light at the end of the tunnel is out of sight and despair is wearing you down. But when we are at the bottom all that is left is to either sit there or try once more to get out. MH makes going through life like running a marathon, blindfolded with a weight on your back. So after your bleak intro and my dark continuation should you bother? Because you know that it is what we do, step by step we go on and rebuild. Our lives change and we try different things, different meds, different ways to get better. But we never give up, never, because we are strong and have courage to continue. And never forget that joy is to be found in every day.

    I hope this helps

    David

    • fee25
      fee25 Davesoapbox

      Posted

      Hey Dave!

      Thank you for your kind words. It is, very tough.

      My issue is that I never respond well to the therapy "tricks of the trade" and I genuinely believe it is because of my cynnical nature, which coupled with a stubborn attitude renders my condition hard to treat! It's my own fault, my own issue, my own mindset but, it's built in and I don't think it can be reconfigured so to speak! 

      Not everyone can recover and that's a sad fact. 

      I'm not saying I never will, I want to and I know these things take an awful lot of time. 

      I was happy at one time and may be happy again one day - it is just incredibly frustrating trying so hard and remaining numb no matter what you do. 

      Life, eh? 

    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 fee25

      Posted

      I wish I could say something to lift your spirits. Unfortunately I've decided to be okay with the pretend of being happy and just take my pills. Numb is pretty much my feeling these days. I've decided to live life for my two young boys. They deserve a happy mom even if it's pretend. Maybe I will pretend to be happy for a long time and one day wake up believing it. I didn't even bother dating again. Just going back to the father of my sons and bare it. At the end of the day, a new man was not going to make me happy and might not be a good fit for the boys. Sadly, this one time no quitter gal quit life on her and lives for her boys. It's sad but hey, I'm living. Do me a favor, don't be like me and quit. I quit 3+ years ago but didn't know it. Today, I'm unrecognizable. Do you want to be like me? Miserable in the inside and dead but smiles and pretends for her loved ones or fight and find a way. Oh, I don't feel sorry for myself...I chose this route. Best of luck!
    • fee25
      fee25 justbeingme2

      Posted

      You speak as though you have no time left to get things back on track, believe me - you do! 

      It's great you love your kids and are putting them first, you sound like an amazing mother, very lucky children smile 

      You don't have to settle if you feel you are doing so, maybe it's a risk worth taking? 

      The issue with me is that I literally have nothing and nobody that makes me feel as though I should carry on for and I can't say I like myself enough to want to change for me. I'm young and have "the rest of my life ahead of me" but, it's a life I've never been able to see, and encompasses only emptiness, guilt, anger and shame. 

      I really hope you don't give up on your own happiness though, you have a lot to live for and you deserve to be genuinely happy just as much as anything or anyone else.

      Best wishes! 

    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 fee25

      Posted

      I am a big believer that no one should change who they are for anyone else. Tweeks, sure! For someone who is worth tweeking that is. As for stubbornness, you should try to change for you. People who are stubborn end up hurting themselves. It's true so don't be stubborn and you may find a little happiness. As for me, I fell in love and then I fell on my face. Pain I don't wish on my worst enemy. I won't ever put myself in that situation again. I have thought about it long and hard and made my decision. There is still hope for you, I can feel it! You'll find someone worth living for! Thanks for your kinds words. Although I've made some dumb mistakes in my life, I'd like to think I'm a good person. God bless!
    • fee25
      fee25 justbeingme2

      Posted

      You sound a lot like myself you know, it sounds like you genuinely want and believe that others can and will recover from this, but are far from convinced that the same can be said for yourself. 

      Though it can be lovely having someone there, it's not something I want. I make a rubbish partner as I can only handle people a very small amount at a time, makes me seem cold and distant. And to be honest, that isn't far from the truth!

      We've all made those dumb mistakes, some mistakes a hell of a lot worse than others :P it definitely doesn't make you a bad person though, you seem like an amazing person, with a great spirit! 

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.