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Please can someone help me get through this nightmare

Posted , 9 users are following.

Mutley
Mutley

I've been so unwell over the past few years, mentally and physically. My only lifeline was my partners support,my beautiful caring,kind partner who through my anxiety, insecurities and shouting has finally thrown in the towel and left me. I am heartbroken and distressed beyond belief. Please can someone show me some kindness and help me just get through tonight.

2 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

  • patricia44773
    patricia44773 Mutley

    Posted

    Oh, how sad.  I am so, so sorry.  I honestly don't know what else to say, my heart aches for you.

    Do you not have friends or family that could be with you? 

    I will keep you in my thoughts, try to keep strong.

    Pat.

    • Mutley
      Mutley patricia44773

      Posted

      Yes I have some but everyone has busy lives, I just don't knoe if I can get through this, tonight will be hell, I'm just not strong enough to cope
  • gilly121
    gilly121 Mutley

    Posted

    Sorry to hear you are having such an awful time. Anyone would struggle in your situation so don't beat yourself up about it. There are many of us here who know how disabling anxiety can be. You are probably feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Try dealing with one thing at a time so that you don't get overpowered. Are you on any medication?

    Remember you are not alone and many people can relate to your feelings which can and will improve.

  • laura08496
    laura08496 Mutley

    Posted

    dear mutley,

    of course we will show you some kindness! you will get through the night just fine. sorry you feel so devistated. i hear your distress in the comment you made. this sounds like you might have had issues for a while now. have you and your partner ever discuss couples counseling? since you are saying that you are unwell, and have been for a while i guess, did you ever consider counselling on your own? you have every right to be "well." you may need some help with that. dont be too shy or afraid of someone that can help you. if they cant help, they should recomend someone who can. maybe therapy, and possible medication with a doctor that treats people with more than talk therapy. i am only throwing these options to you, because i believe we all deserve to feel the best we can. and i am thinking if you get help, and get better, mabe its not to late to even get back together with your partner. until you look into that, be good to yourself, and get some relief to get through the night. please dont even think of harming yourself. just continue to share. right here, with others who may relate to you and your dilemma. i am sorry my spelling is horrible. i hope you can understand me. keep an open mind with some replies you may get today from others! good luck!

    • Mutley
      Mutley laura08496

      Posted

      Thank you Laura, I don't think he'll Come back, he has had enough . He said I blamed him for everything and he's had enough. I can't argue with that. I just couldn't cope with most things and gave him a verbal bashing when I was scared. He deserves so much better. It is over but I am so so very scared and alone and unstable, how that sounds is dreadful even to my own viewing but I am a hopeless case. If I could turn things around I would but there's no rewind for this. Oh god, I just can't suffer the though that I destroyed the most precious thing in my life and drove him to this. No couples counselling is going to help us now. I can't face the reality, I am a weak willed person, not horrible just troubled.
    • laura08496
      laura08496 Mutley

      Posted

      of course you aren't horrible! and i do see you feel terrible after what has happened. you've just suffered from a tremendous loss. your heart is broken, and you feel responsible, maybe guilty. what do you think about going to a hospital for help today. you may be saying,"no way!"

      i've done it. just to feel safe and cared for. they will certainly get you through the night. i know checking into a hospital may sound crazy to you. it's a big leap, sometimes that is more helpful than you might imagine. if you are worried about people finding out...they don't have to know. look, its just a suggestion to check yourself in. many do it, and in the long run, many people feel so much better....but if you cant commit to that, the only help i see for you is to have a friend/companion to come over, and keep you company. what about family? have someone come over that loves you. i worry for you. i hope someone comes up with an idea you may like. try to take care, alright mutley?

    • Mutley
      Mutley laura08496

      Posted

      Sorry tried replying earlier but the phone rang. That is a very sensible suggestion, I had thought about it but never knew how to do it or what to say. Do you just go into A& E?

      It's something to consider, I'm on my own now and have to try and do things for myself. Very hard when you've been cared for so well. I've had a very blessed 20 Years together. Oh lordy. Thank you for caring, thank you.

    • laura08496
      laura08496 Mutley

      Posted

      mutley, hi!

      i always went to the Emergency room..i am not sure what an E&A..little mix up with letters. anyway, you walk in, go up to the front desk, and explain that something's happened, and you are not feeling safe. they will help you right away. many have done the same thing. they are used to it. people that can help you will be there for you. and you can do it alone. i;ve done it all on my own. and that's a huge thing for me! i believe we both have the same background, never was taught to do things on my own. everyone allways did things for me. well, anyway, i believe the emergency room is open 24 hours. so you have time to think about it. dont think too much. you have to get you there first. do you have transportation? well, i encourage you to really think about it. best wishes to you! tomorrow will be a new day. and if you take care of yourself this evening,  getting through tomorrow will be easier. good luck!!!

    • Mutley
      Mutley laura08496

      Posted

      Laura I went to the mental health team today and just off loaded everything to them, they are going to give me support and help me with my anxiety and the guilt ,I hope. It's the guilt that will pull me down I know that much. But I have to pull myself together if I stand any chance for the future. I am so relieved I have somewhere to go now for support. I am so grateful to every one of you who has responded to my cry (scream)for help, something very positive has come out of it. For the first time in years I did something for myself .. a long journey ahead of me but, oh, I wish it wasn't happening.
  • NMRS0914
    NMRS0914 Mutley

    Posted

    This has happened to me also Mutley, u are not alone my friend. It feels like your whole world has came crashing down but it hasn't. It's just the horrific sound of one door closing & the fear of not knowing what is behind the door of your future that is about to open, but fear not because it will open to a world of opportunity & good times. Think of something your partner hated or something you always wanted & go do it/get it! Mine was a tattoo & now that little flower is my own personal little reminder that I got back up & I should be proud of myself. Let us help you get back up & feel proud of yourself. Look out your window.....there's someone out there who can't wait to meet you & make you laugh & tell you that you look beautiful & they love it when you smile. Think good thoughts & block the demons out. Be strong & believe in yourself. You are beautiful & you deserve love, but firstly you deserve to love yourself. Be a little bit selfish for a minute & put yourself first, be kind to you. U know what they say babe, don't cry because it's over....smile because it happened. This just means there's something new & exciting awaiting you, u just need to let your heart & ur head be willing to take the journey to find it....& u will xxxxxxxxxx
  • adrian71
    adrian71 Mutley

    Posted

    Morning Mutley, After reading your message it looks as if you thought the world of your partner. Get in touch with her and tell her how much you really think of her. Don't forget as well as you getting tensed up so can she. Just appologise about your shouting and will work on this to try to stop this happening again.

    Good Luck

    ADRIAN

    • Mutley
      Mutley adrian71

      Posted

      Thank you all for your lovely kind messages and support. Last night was difficult, it so sad I feel dreadful, so very very sad. please don't all abandon me just yet. my sister is coming on Thursday but can I ask that you all keep in touch until she comes. I am sorry to ask but I .. well I guess you can jmagine. thank you.y
    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 Mutley

      Posted

      Don't worry, you won't be abandoned, we are here. 

      I am glad to hear that your sister is coming to be with you and I am glad to hear that you made it through the night.  If you survived last night, then I am sure you will have what it takes to get through the days and nights to come, until you find happiness again.

      Sending hugs,

      Pat.

    • adrian71
      adrian71 Mutley

      Posted

      You will never be ignored and I am glad your sister will be with you soon. If you are having problems just write and I will answer you like the rest will.

      Regards

      ADRIAN

    • Mutley
      Mutley adrian71

      Posted

      Hi guys hope your all still about. One week down and it's tough. I saw him today as we needed to talk. I yearn for him but also have to be dignified. If I'm honest I want to beg him to come home but I am a realist and have to accept his decision. I also accept that in time things will get better for me but right now it's grim. I'm not waiting for mental health support but it's slow in coming. My stomach condition is horrendous

      It prevents me from doing all the things I used to and I feel trapped, a burden and so afraid of what my future will be. I made him resent me and I am so sorry about that. Oh it's so horrible.

    • KMRC
      KMRC Mutley

      Posted

      Dearest,  people come and go in each of our lives.  I know you loved him very much and that you are in terrible pain but trust in the universe that you will heal, learn, grow and find another partner.  I have hurt so many really good people in my life because of my outbursts, accusations (that were not based in reality).  I simply walked out on people who loved me dearly because of what I learned as a child.  I thought if people disagreed, one had to leave (thanks parents...) and I chose to be the one.  Never gave anyone a second chance and hated myself for it.  I have, since then, repaired most of the relationships I ruined and because of time, they have forgiven me and some are down right friendly.  So, this, too shall pass.  Be kind to yourself and get some help, please.  We are here for you.  By the way, I have now been married to a loving and kind man for 29 years and have learned that even I deserve to be happy.  So do you and it's out there.  Grieve your current loss, work on yourself diligently and, although it may take some time, you will find love again and be a wiser person in the next relationship.  Hugs.
    • Mutley
      Mutley KMRC

      Posted

      I know but 23 beautiful years is a hard pill to swallow. I know that I sound like a moaning Minnie but I live in a remote place, I have very few visitors, I don't go out much and have no social life. I don't want to have to resort to Match com but I know I can't be on my own. I don't know what I can offer. At least I've dropped a stone in a week. One can't argue with that. Only another 2 and a half to go.
    • KMRC
      KMRC Mutley

      Posted

      Just be sure not to jump into a rebound relationship because you don't want to be alone.  If you had a place big enough to share comfortablely, you might consider renting someone compatible a room but be sure to put it on a temporaryasis til you can establish a good friendship with that person.  It will help you learn to trust again, share stuff with someone, etc.  give yourself time to grieve but work on yourself in the mean time.  It will take a while to get over a 23 year relationship but don't be surprised if later down the road, you and your ex can become good friends.  You obviously had a lot in common if you stayed together for so long.  Depression and anxiety are difficult for the other person and you need to be cognizant of not taking out your emotions on them.  Reserve that for your shrink.  Before you let loose on someone, ask yourself if this issue will be important in two weeks.  It usually won't be and most fights are totally unrelated to any real issues.  My husband and I use this technique and haven't had an argument in over 25 years! Simple techniques work great and are easier to carry out in the moment.  Please take care of yourself and be kind to you. 😎
    • Mutley
      Mutley KMRC

      Posted

      No chance of rebound relationship, I look awful. I'm not working and have been dependent in him to support me. I have no idea what half of the bills are or if he'll support me financially. He is refusing to talk to me so that makes it difficult. I don't think k I was that bad.

      I just think he couldn't cope. He looks o good for 51, intact gorgeous and he knows this. He has money, has a large inheritance to look forward to, sadly I never married him or has children,. I'm at the mercy of his generosity and also the new lady when she comes along. She will see the size of his wallet and his parents house and be pregnant in a week. I'm really in the S..t.

    • Digsby
      Digsby Mutley

      Posted

      Hi,

      Try to keep things as amicable as possible and don't think the worst. Perhaps put your feelings down in a letter - it may be possible to save the friendship despite the emotional words that have been said. My wife of 20 years walked out on me having found someone else - I was left with my depression but she was quite considerate when it came to the finances. I haven't seen her in the past 5 years since we divorced and she re-married but she does keep in touch and does seem to care what happens to me. Try to keep yourself busy and don't dwell on what has been lost. The end of any relationship means a natural grieving process. Stay strong and try to find self-confidence through something else - you really are stronger than you think. Good luck x

    • Mutley
      Mutley Digsby

      Posted

      Oh bless you. Yes he finally rang last night and has put money in my account. I am going to try and get my hair colored today. Get some sun and liven up. I will never have a man like Paul again, beautiful, kind, giving - hang on this guy left me when I was sick, on my knees and in excruciating pain. Maybe not so nice after all. Still it's all water unnder the bridge now. I'm sorry you

      Lost your wife to another. I am glad that you oh look at it like you do. Maybe I will in time. (Still too early).

    • Digsby
      Digsby Mutley

      Posted

      Yes, it's very early days for you still and the pain is still so raw but you have the right attitude. You will have good days and bad but try to keep looking forward to the future and not dwelling on the past. We can't undo what has happened to us but we can make a difference to the lives ahead of us. You can't second-guess Paul's reasons for doing what he did. Take one step at a time and keep a positive self-image, whatever it takes to do that. Keep in touch - we are always here for you if you need support :-) x
    • Mutley
      Mutley Digsby

      Posted

      He came back for a week then told me he's seeing one of his staff 20 years his junior from poland. I am back to the beginning of this awful mess. I don't understand why he wants to put me through this time and time again. How do i get through this. I have nothing left in the tank. I'm also worried that people will think that I'm a nut case. I'm simply a decent human being being treated like a door mat. .
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