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hi dont know really how to start this im 26 male and ive waisted all my adult life I think i have avoidance personality disorder and depression. But me being me havent got help for it i feel that bad about myself i dont think anyone will be able to help me and problems are pileing up ive never had a real job, girlfriend ive lost contact with most of of my friends i have zero income having to rely on my mother who is working in her sixties and borrowing money off my grandmother who is her 90s yes i know im a piece of sh*t. I dont want to sound dramatic but i see the end is close for me im probably going to kill myself in the near future i can feel myself getting more comfortable about the idea as the days go on as if my my brain is gearing up for it. I dont know why im writing this but im scared, somewhere deep down i dont want to die but ive become a burden to my family and friends and ive felt really bad about myself for 10 years plus now so i feel nothing is going to change its my fault by the way but the choice is be a burden to everyone for the rest of my life i love or leave my mother and friends and kill myself i dont know. Im sorry for the rant my thoughts are all over the place and i recognize my thoughts are irrational i just need help or something or encouragement to die i dont know thanks anyway.
1 like, 8 replies
xarjia jamie1918
Posted
Have you been to see your GP at all and have you been formerly diagnosed?
steven43881 jamie1918
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Steve
richard89308 jamie1918
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laura11452 richard89308
Posted
laura11452 jamie1918
Posted
If you have got Personailty Advoidance Disorder this nothing to feel bad about .. We all have problems on here in one form or another.. First you need to see a GP to be diagnosed.. If you find it difficult to communicate write down what you would like to get a cross to the doctor and hand it to them.. This will help with the aniety of having to talk about it all and also give you a chance to make sure you have listed everything that is important to you..
There is loads of help out there and because of the nature of your disorder you need pointed in the right direction and given support, understanding and advise on how to cope better..
This in no way makes you a bad person.. i can see where you are starting to feel suicidal because you don't know where to turn and you feel very overwhemled because your finding it hard to get on top of things..
Its interesting that you say this has been going on 10 years.. That tells me something has happened to trigger this.. There will be ways of overcoming or making life easier with the right treatment..
I would say your mum and grandmother know your unhappy and probably don't know what to do to help..
But with slow steps you can get to a better place and this should start with a GP visit.. We all have to start somewhere and I know this can be very difficult but you don't want to live like this anymore when you have your whole life infront of you.. You said yourself you don't want to die so that is a brilliant start..
Mashuga jamie1918
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jamie1918
Posted
Digsby jamie1918
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Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on - you've taken a really BIG step in opening up so honestly on this forum. I battle suicidal depression so I can relate to how you are feeling. I'm not working at the moment but I have done some voluntary work in the past which really helped to restore my self-confidence. Try to keep yourself as active as possible and don't isolate yourself from people. You have a valuable & unique contribution to make to this world. Hang in there and find your place in life - it will be worth the effort. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. Good luck :-)
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