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So down

Posted , 7 users are following.

AbbyJ
AbbyJ

I have long term depression and I have been barely functioning for years but getting through. I've held down a job for 2.5 years but fired yesterday now non functional. I have been on Citalopram for 5 years not working but GP not responsive to changing it. Today while breaking down at doctor she switched me to Prozac. I can barely move or breathe. I have 4 kids, my husband had to leave for work today so I'm alone. I don't want to hurt myself but I also don't want to be awake. I wish they'd checked me in today so I could get good drugs and sleep. I can't stand the minutes taking hours and I can't sleep. I'm so embarrassed and feel like a failure and love I've wrecked my kids lives. My work wants me to come in on Monday because of the gross misconduct as an investigative interview. How will I do that? I have no idea how I'll get to Monday even.

2 likes, 34 replies

34 Replies

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  • sharla_94860
    sharla_94860 AbbyJ

    Posted

    You got this. Be there for your kids. They love you,need you and your their mother. They will see your struggles no doubt but they will learn that you Handel those one day at a time. They will get strength from you out of this. Learn how to face life's problems through this. You are their roll model, how the boys will look for wives and the girls how to be a mother/wife. Don't give in. Keep looking till someone can help.
    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ sharla_94860

      Posted

      I'm trying so hard to be positive. But it's heavy and it hurts
  • reemus63571
    reemus63571 AbbyJ

    Posted

    there are mitigating circumstances to why you are feeling like this,sometimes i dont want to even my eyes in the morning and wake up,I've lost interest in lfe and can't remember the last time i smiled and meant it
  • hypercat
    hypercat AbbyJ

    Posted

    Hi depression isn't your fault you know!  It's not a failure or a weakness in you,  it just happens the same as any illness.   If you broke your leg you would not feel like this would you and would seek treatment.  This is exactly the same. 

    Depression thoughts are negative by their very nature so don't listen to them.   Put yourself in the hands of those you love and trust to guide you even if your thoughts say no or what's the point.  

    Hopefully a change of meds will help but it will take a while for them to kick in.  Be patient and wait for that to happen coz it will you know.  If not those meds then others.  It is often trial and error before finding one that suits you so have hope please.   You won't feel like this forever,  just for the time being,  but it will pass. 

    You haven't wrecked your kids lives at all so don't be daft!  Just tell them mummy is ill at the moment but reassure them that you will get better.  

    Can your husband take some leave from work or take holidays to help you at the moment?   I think you need him there for support right now.  A mental hospital isn't a very nice place so you are far better staying with your loved ones.   Take each minute as it comes and concentrate on getting through it and before you know it an hour will have gone,  then another.  Don't try and think into the future at all even by a few hours or a day.   Get through the here and now.   . 

    Meamwhile we are here for you and will support and help you as much as possible.  You are no longer alone with this awful illness as we totally get it.   A big hug for you.  Bev xx

     

    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ hypercat

      Posted

      Thank you so much he can't take leave I wish he could but my mom is here now.

      I wish everyone saw it as a broken leg sad

      I absolutely hate myself right now. And it's so hard to breathe. I can't even sit up right.

    • hypercat
      hypercat AbbyJ

      Posted

      Stuff what other people think!   They  have obviously never been in your shoes,  your feelings are real and valid so don't deny them.   You won't always feel like this you know and you will feel better in time I promise.   So hold on please and keep your hope alive.  Meanwhile talk to us coz we understand.  Another big hug just for you Abby.   Bev xx

       

  • jenny99721
    jenny99721 AbbyJ

    Posted

     Hi Abby - you are sufferring from stress as well as depression by the sounds of things. You do not and should not go to your meeting on Monday if you are feeling like this. You or someone else should contact them andmake another appointment for a few days time or for when u are feeling a bitmoresettled.

    You are the priority here - your employers do not or should not be given the power to make you feel so bad. Yes it is a hell of a thing to be have to go through these interviews but it has to be on your terms when u feel better.Your children will benefit if you look after yourself in this situation . I am aware that you can take someone with you to these interviews so maybe this is something you shouod think of doing.

    if evvery minute feels like an hour then this is hard stuff. Think of things you can do to feel a bit better. Try and sleep/restasmuch as u are able( with 4kids)

    Loosing your job because of depression is not to be ashamed of - our actions and our ways of dealing with things can change subtly over time and bad things happen.Try not to negate yourself . I think becuase you have long term depression you need to think about what you canmanage in the future so that yo do not get too overwhelmed and ill through trying to keep a job going that maybe is not right for you.

    If necessary ask your GP for referral or a further assesment with AMHT to discuss how this long term depression is impacting on you. Insist on more from them in whatever they can offer. AD's are not the only thing they have to offer. Make your recovery and your family more important than anything that work can sling at you. I appreciate this is hard as the process is not comlete with them, but try and focus your pain on the need for you to get help rather than ruminating and worrying about something that may be out of your control. u take care

    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ jenny99721

      Posted

      When they called they said they were directing me to attend, not asking. I'm not sure who I can bring? Lots of HIPPA stuff involved.
    • xarjia
      xarjia AbbyJ

      Posted

      Ok. You need to get in touch with a union rep. I had to cancel my meeting with work because I was just too unwell up attend .

      You need proper representation. Your health comes before anything . Whether they direct you or not , a doctor's letter speaks volumes and if needs be the meeting can be postponed until you are fit enough to attend . So go back to the doctor and get a letter. Then email it to your employees and say you are unfit yo attend due to poor health and attach the letter from your doctor.

      You are not in a mental or emotional position to be making decisions or to be questioned by your employer regardless of the situation.

      Please DO NOT attend this meeting without a rep or speaking to a union or In the state that you are in now .

    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ xarjia

      Posted

      This is a really good idea about the doctor note. I have contacted my Union rep but haven't heard back. I live in a state where unions don't have much power but to at least have someone in the room not putting me to the fire.

      I'm having a hard time putting this in perspective. It feels life ending.

  • jenny99721
    jenny99721 AbbyJ

    Posted

    Hi Abby - please take note of Xaria post - spot on. you need to wait a bit till you feel a bit better. It is ok to feel down as long as you do not act it out by doing negative things that can make you feel worse.Sometimes trying to feel too positive can work against you. just try and do your normal everyday things with the kids but be aware that you are vulerable so try to be ok with how things are.Time will make things easier and no matter what happens you can and will be okay. We all make mistakes and life sometimes gets bad. Does not mean that in 12 months time it will be the same. Day by day at the moment Abby.

     

    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ jenny99721

      Posted

      Sometimes it's five minutes by five minutes. Part of this depression is catastrophic thinking and it's hard for me to break that cycle.
    • jenny99721
      jenny99721 AbbyJ

      Posted

      Abby - what is the worst thing that can happen in the meeting? Is the meeting to do with further consequences apart from the loss of job.?

      Regardless - you may have a very strong urge to go and get it over with, I cannot really say - the fact that you are experiencing these catastrophic feelings about things may mean that to 'face the music' is the best option. Think its good to explore both of your options here.

      Ask yourself - ;how will i feel if i do not go', will it increase the negative feelings I now have? is it putting off something that you want to get rid of as soon as possible. Will this help you?  If you go to the meeting and 'fall apart; will this makes things worse?  It really all depends on what the meeting is about. and be clear i am not asking you to tell me. Have a think - write it down. Make a decision based on what you know is the right thing to do. I think sometimes writing things down can help to gound the situation.Pros and Cons - done once only. If this all too much then really think your best bet is to put it all off for another day. Ok j

  • elizabeth2244
    elizabeth2244 AbbyJ

    Posted

    I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time with your depression. If i were you I would call a family member and see if they can watch the kids and go to a hospital to help get you on the right medication. 

    About your work I would just tell them that you need to take off due to personal stuff because depression hurts if its not taking care of and right now i feel that you need help with getting on the right meds 

    Also explain to your husband what is going on

    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ elizabeth2244

      Posted

      Well I have been fired so I'm not working but they want me to come in for an investigative meeting about my misconduct. I don't feel like I can answer questions. I'm thinking of composing an email, explaining that I'm concerned about my body going into fight flight which muddles my thinking. This way is all written down. I could also prepare one answer to address each question, something about deeply regretting not reaching out for help when I needed it and job performance suffering as a result. I could just keep repeating the same answer? What do you all think of that? I'm concerned that I will go numb and have a panic attack and ugly cry if I try to handle it as it comes.
    • xarjia
      xarjia AbbyJ

      Posted

      Hi Abby.

      You really don't need to explain yourself to work now or create a defence to what has happened in an email .

      I suggest you keep the email simple stating you are unable to attend due to ill health and then see your doctor on Monday. Everything you write in an email is evidence that can be used against you . As you are not in a fit mental state , you may end up incriminating you self by saying the wrong thing. Just stick to the facts that you are unable to attend

      Like in a court of law, it is best to say nothing regarding what has happened until you seek further advice from someone who knows employment law and has your best interests at heart .

    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ xarjia

      Posted

      I'm concerned that not attending could make my situation worse? Or the opposite, if I go and can't function that could be worse.

      I will think on this.

    • xarjia
      xarjia AbbyJ

      Posted

      I understand. However as long as you see your doctor and obtain medical evidence to say you are unfit to attend , I can't see any reason why the can't rearrange.

      I suggest you seek advice as you are not well enough to attend this meeting alone. Have you contacted citizens advice bureau?

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