The Power of Silence

I think it is one of the keys to our wellbeing Boqer. Once we stop explaining and trying to solicit a little compassion and understanding, we can use that energy to try to build our own self esteem. Just taking personality tests online can give us a real boost. Getting to know our qualities instead of tearing ourselves down because of perceived flaws and failiors. We would never say to a best friends some of the self defeated thoughts we say to ourselves. We really need to be our own best friends. I think FM ladies are some of the most remarkable women I know!

Sadly we play into the hands of people who can be emotionally abusive or critical. Because of our low self worth, we are a real target for this type of insecure person. Again, the need to respect ourselves and our situation. That is the strongest reply we can give. Silence when we are criticised is the strongest argument we can give. It shows the person that we don't need to explain, argue or justify ourselves. We just feel confident enough to allow them to work it out on their own. The more we object, or justify ourselves, the more fuel we give them. They often want us to argue or to just get a reaction. The best evidence of self respect is not to give them a reply. Just to go about our day giving ourselves the support we may not receive from others.

Hi Magpie2me, Thanks for psiting such an inspiring message - which has come at exactly the right time for me and has really helped me out.

 

I Agee that it is not easy Julie. But it also certainly not easy to have to justify why we are in pain, why we can't do what we used to, why we don't always look sick, and so on and on. It actually preserves our energy not to try to justify what, why, how, etc. When you have a strong sense of self, you can simply smile and display dignity, instead of arguing or giving proof of this sometimes debilitating condition. People are then more  prone to respect your situation. That has been my experience. I resolved in myself not to be a victim.

Hi

I agree I feel exhausted having to say it so many times, I struggle with accepting I have this condition and I feel so alone in a daily basis because no one gets it. I push thru daily but I'll admit it's hard. At my age it's not easy to meet people or even find someone who will listen. The worst is having to tell your family over and over n they say oh u look happy or oh nice of you to get up or oh u look great 😡 It's like enough already. I'm scared just thinking about the future and it getting worse I mean my skin has been so itchy and dry lately it drives me nuts I just don't no anymore

We do often expect our family to be understanding. But really they are just like anyone else. They only see us as whiners if we talk about our aches and pains and other symptoms. The important point Julie is that you know and you doctor know. That is all you need really. Be kind to yourself and try everything that can help you. Self help books, reading up on what helped others to cope, things that build you up and not tear you down. You don't have to try to make others understand. The only time they would, is if they had to cope with this condition. So rely on your own resources to give yourself what you need. 

Thank you hun for your response so appreciated

Juliect do you mind me asking how old you are?  you dont have to say. It is hard to meet people who understand us and the constant repeating is not fair. People sadly dont seem to listen as I have found out.  I am 41 and need to work and therefore need to get my employers to understand but all I get from her is 'my mother has it so I know all about it' wouldnt even give me the chance to try and explain about my absence from work.  My skin is also very dry so I try and moisturise at night but thats only if I have the energy.  Sometimes its all I can do to get up the stairs. 

Hey hun I'm 45 and I totally get it I've gone thru a lot of options I just haven't listed here but if you want to chat privatlybj can give u my email. The only way to approach the employer is with medical documentation. Stay positive

Yes unfortunately there is very little sympathy out there today in general Marie. So I believe that the less we say, the better. To address it as a matter of fact without explanation. You do your best and on the days you are really unwell, state it with confidence and that you may not be able to perform or even come in. If you were a Diabetic and you had a severe adverse reaction one day, they would not question your absence. Treat it as any other chronic illness. It is a fact, and does not need to be explained and pleaded each time. That is how I dealt with it when I still worked. I had to quit at 55 but I am proud of how long I lasted. We all have our limit my dear. All I am encouraging the dear ladies, is to give yourself the respect you deserve and to stop trying to make people have empathy. Many do not. You did not choose this condition! It is what it is. Your Silence is very powerful! 

Thank you Magpie.  I am not ready to quit yet at 41 as I have two sons still to support. Its lovely hearing from you though.  And you are right why should we have to explain and thank you when I go back I shall do exactly like you mention treat it as any other chronic illness and if I go in one day I shall explain what I may and may not be able to do, I am sure the equality people will soon have something to say about how my employer has treated me so far.