Trying to servive

No one sees the pain inside. I've had success with talking to someone that understands, and finding something that gives me some clear headed time. I ride my motorcycle and it makes me feel better. And I stay away from negativity.

Btw, I had horrible nightmares too. I got a dream catcher, ( I know sounds bizarre but it's worked). And I keep lights on. Go to sleep with the tv on something silly.

I have had PTSD from fire fighting and it is a bitch. The nightmares, flashbacks, depresion, anger, anxiety And What the ifs. The one thing you have to remember is that you are not alone. There are many people out there that have been through what you have been through. I left the department after 16YEARS not being able to function properly because of this disease. Please hang in there. Here is several things that have worked for me but first this is real important be careful of trying to self medicate ie: alchol and drugs etc. They may seam easy at this time and the best way to solve it but it will come at a long term cost. Some of the things that have worked for me is seeking a therapist and EMDR. If you are close to some of your brothers still talk to them, I know it may seam hard since we are always trying to be professional and we lock up a lot of stuff away in our heads. But it will slowly help. There will be ups and downs but always Remember to hang in there.