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Went to the doctors. Left feeling more hopeless.

Posted , 4 users are following.

daniel00221
daniel00221

Before I talk about my doctors appointment let me give you some background:

I've been depressed for around three years and it's gotten worse and worse to where I am today. Every day is just hell. I don't enjoy life at all. I'd say how I feel is a mixture of unhappiness, emptiness and numbness. Every day I think about ending my life. I'm just tired of living to be honest. 

I can't give any specific reasons for why I'm depressed. Sure, there are things that don't help such as having no money. And I mean no money. I don't have any sort of income. I live of my mother who is on benefits herself and has no money. It sucks being a burden, having to ask for every little bit of food because my Mum hasn't got money for me to just be able to go into the fridge and take whatever I want. 

I also don't really like living at home. My sister can be very rude to me and my brother who struggles with his own problems with mentall illness is back at home and he is hard to live with and that doesn't help as well.

I know however that if I woke up tomorrow with all the money in the world and living in a massive mansion that I still would feel how I feel. 

Anyway I went to the doctors today to get help for my depression. I haven't sought help for it before partly because I don't feel very comfortable going outside and interacting with others and when I've thought about going to the doctors in the past just I was overcome with nervouseness and worry and it was easier for me to just forget about it and not deal with it.

But yeah I went today (Mum had to book my appointment because I'm not comfortable doing something like today) and I just felt very sick beforehand and I had what I would say is a mini panic attack. Despite my nerves I managed to get to the doctors. 

So after waiting a while we're called in. I took my Mum with me btw to relax me as I wouldn't have been able to go on my own. 

I told the doctor that I've been feeling depressed for a while and am here for some help and told her that I feel very nervous and that this is the first time I've been outside the house in a year. 

What she did is she had me answer some questions and then said that I have depression which I of course knew and she then said to me that I can have some tablets and if I want I could go and see a pyscholigist or something like that. I said that I'll just have the tablets as it's taken enough of me right now to get here today and the less people I have to see the better. So she gave me a prescription and when she left the room my Mum told me to ask for a sick note so I can get the relevent benefit.

I asked her but she said because I've never worked before she doesn't see how a sick note would help me. Well, it's true that I've never worked before. I left school and never looked but I need to go and get a job. I can't keep living of my Mum it's just not possible and I don't want to. It make me feel like complete sh*t. Honestly, how can I be expected to go to work each day when up until day I hadn't been out for a whole year? I have to have my mother go out with me for godsake, how can I go to work like that. It's not like I'm living of my Mum as she's loaded and I'm loving it. No I'm dirt poor and my Mum is on benefits herself and has no money. 

Honestly, the whole appointment has left me feeling more hopless. I just feel stuck and don't know what to do. I'm honestly going to either be out on the street begging or I'm just going to have to end my life. 

Oh and the tablets she prescribed me, guess what? You have to pay for them. So, thanks alot doctor I told you I live of my Mum who has no money and you go and give me a prescription that I have to pay for. Thanks very much. More money my Mum has to spend that she doesn't have. 

Anyway just how I'm feeling,

2 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • laura08496
    laura08496 daniel00221

    Posted

    oh my god daniel

    what a bad spot you are in. you sound like you are sick and tired off this ilness, and sick and tired of your asking your mom helping you financialy (nice spelling!). i live upstairs from my dad. i cant afford rent. i feel so guilty all the time. i cant ever go back to work because of some brain damage i got because of shock treatments. i can barely do any sh*t on my own. and wow!! you've been inside for a long time. i know all to well how that feels like. oh, and that doctor who wasn't "hearing you" about the money situation. wtf!? some help she turned out to be....i hope she gets a dreadful cold and has no tissues to blow her nose. i am glad you have such wonderfull support from your mom. daniel, i am so sorry you are suffering so much. and i have no advice for you. i can only share similar expieriences with you so you are not alone. how i wish i could help you! please keep sharing your story. someone may just end up reading your comment, and have some answers for you. i hope someday soon you'll feel better. sorry i am not much help. but keep sharing. at least you can get some of this off your chest. and by the way, your comment helped me! i feel less by my self, so thank you for that! bestwishes to you my friend. good luck and hang in there. please!

    • daniel00221
      daniel00221 laura08496

      Posted

      Thanks for your reply. Everything just seems a struggle. Even getting help.
    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 daniel00221

      Posted

      Are you in the UK?

      I am going through a meds changed climbing the walls.

      My GP referred me to a psychiatrist I got an appointment for 31/3 but I didnt actually see the psych I saw a support worker my actual appointment to see the psych was 23/5

      I huffed and I puffed until I got to see the psych on 28/4

      You want something to happen you have to make it happen

  • louiselost
    louiselost daniel00221

    Posted

    Daniel, I'm so sorry for your feelings and the heavy burden you carry.  If you haven't been out of the house for a year, do you think you're suffering from agoraphobia?  That can only make you feel worse I know.

    Read about treatments (Anxiety Care UK), and I'm surprised the doctor didn't give you a free prescription after you told her your mom was on benefits.

    I hope the pills work though and you can get on with your life, and NEVER think about ending it.  You're young and you will fight this somehow towards a happy ending.  There is no quick fix for anything, but I'm glad there are SOME people here helping you address your problems.  Take care.

    • daniel00221
      daniel00221 louiselost

      Posted

      Hi Louise. Thanks for your reply. 

      I'm just really not comfortable at all when it comes to going outside and social situations. Like when it comes to interacting with others I avoid it at all costs. The telpehone rings and I wont answer it, knock at the door and nope I'm not opening it. I think a good example is on my birthday. I dread the idea that family might ring and say happy birthday because I just don't want to talk to them and feel very uncomfortable. 

      Heck, even sitting here typing to you feels very uncomfortable for me and I'm thinking about deleting this thread if I can.

      I'm really annoyed with the doctor to be honest. The whole appointment felt very rushed and when we left the doctors office and we was waiting at the reception to book another appointment and my Mum told me you have to pay for the prescription I told her just forget about it and not bother with another appointment. 

       

    • louiselost
      louiselost daniel00221

      Posted

      Hi Daniel, I'm glad you didn't delete the post after all.  If you can get a medical exemption certificate then your prescriptions are free.  Or also if you're an NHS inpatient.

      I hope you can get another appointment with the doctor to receive the medication that will help with your depression because you don't need that added burden with everything else that's been going on in your life.

    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 daniel00221

      Posted

      Daniel this is a forum and everybodies view and problems are welcome,

      Why would you want to delete you posting?

      The point I am trying to make is the mental health service in the UK is shocking The NHS is shocking and its been like that in the 16 years I have been fighting depression, I have had to FIGHT for every bit of care that I have got If you dont stand up and make a noise nothing will be done and you will be suffering for ever more

      Stay Strongcool

    • daniel00221
      daniel00221 louiselost

      Posted

      I did get the medication. My Mum ended up paying for it but that's not something she'll be able to do on a regular basis and it's just more money she really doesn't have that she has to pay out for me.
    • louiselost
      louiselost daniel00221

      Posted

      It's sad that some professionals don't take depression seriously - like a 'hidden' disease no one wants to talk about.  It seems that if you have a chronic disease you will get your prescriptions for free - but in this case not for depression which should have top priority.

      I hope somehow you can check into services that can enable you (for heaven's sake) to receive freely the medication you rightfully deserve.

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