Did I mention how much great, amazing pregnant sex I'm having, and have been for the whole 14 months I have been gestating these chosen twins? Did I mention how full and fecund and insanely hot I am? Did I mention I'm having this sex with Brad Pitt, who finds me more attractive every minute the more pregnant I get?
Because sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night just heartbroken that there might be a remote tribe somewhere that doesn't yet know how much pregnant sex I'm having - and that's the kind of injustice that will always fire me up.
I think it's why I'm so vital to the UN's work. Like when I went to Baghdad earlier this year to fix the refugee crisis. I remember walking through the heavily fortified Green Zone and I came across this little child. And he looked at me with these big, imploring eyes, and how can you not just tell him what he wants to hear, right? So I bent down, looked right into those eyes, and I said: "Probably five times a day. He's probably having great sex with me five times a day, little man, and when these babies come out we're going to call them something like Levee and Davos."
And he started wailing some words, but it was one of those moments when the language barrier doesn't matter. I knew exactly what he was saying. He was saying thank you.