Oh. My. God. A clip of Barack Obama swatting an annoying fly during an interview with CNBC has become an instant internet hit. Watch it. It is literally the closest thing to a miracle the modern world will ever see. His method is outlined below, along with more earthbound alternatives for us mere mortals.
1. The Barack Obama method
Brush the buzzing irritant that is not Hillary away and try to continue with your task. When the fly persists, stop. Gather your thoughts and energies. Focus. Bring the fly to land on your left hand by sheer force of will.
Fascinate the fly with your charm and charisma. As it gazes at you with its red compound eyes, raise your right hand and slap it down upon the enthralled insect. Sit back in silent acknowledgement of the fact that you are not just part-black, part-white, part-messiah but also part zen-freaking-master.
2. Mr Miyagi method, as seen on the Karate Kid
Sense the fly. Know the fly. Be the fly. Catch the fly between your chopsticks. A variation on the Obama method, only slightly less difficult.
3. The traditional method
Roll up a newspaper. Chase the flying insect around the house, swiping futilely for 20 minutes. Give up. Embark on methods 4-8.
4. Buy fly swatter
Chase the flying insect around the house, swiping futilely for 20 minutes. Realise that a flattened aerated spatula probably does not have quite the edge over a rolled-up newspaper that you were hoping. Break the fly swatter in frustration.
5. Buy fly papers
Hang them around the house. Congratulate yourself on being ecologically sound and keeping the house free of harmful chemicals. Watch as the house fills with flies instead.
6. Buy fly spray
Reason that an occasional burst of toxic chemicals and a good airing of the room afterwards will do no real harm to anyone. Spray at flies for 20 minutes. Get one. Watch as the tiny, germ-ridden carcass falls to the floor. Dance with pleasure. Hear the blood singing in your ears and finally understand that man is and always remains a hunter.
7. Buy electric fly killer
When you tire of sweeping up dead flies from the windowsill, and the kids' lungs have become dangerously congested, invest in a trap that lures musca domestica to its crisp-fried doom.
8. If you can't be Barack Obama or Mr Miyagi, be Simon Chamberlain
I was at school with him and once witnessed him swatting and,killing a fly in mid-air with a rolled-up newspaper. He raised the weapon, arched his body backward and then launched the hammer blow. It was the single greatest application of force I have ever seen by a human being and it worked. For this, and for once buying me a surprise Creme Egg from the school canteen, sir, I commemorate and salute you here.