10 truths that only dads-to-be will understand

1. You become even more intimate with your partner

Well, so to speak. Gone are the romantic days where you shut the bathroom door before going to the toilet. Now you know the ins and outs of her urinary tract, can identify varicose veins and spot swollen legs and ankles - and understand what they all mean.

2. The weekly shop has become a marathon

The expression that your partner is 'eating for two now' is, of course, a myth but a trip to the supermarket now involves checking ingredients on packets and trying to find where on earth they put the chia seeds and the prunes that do wonders for mum and baby.

3. You want to attack smug parents

You know the ones. When people with kids harp on about toddler tantrums or potty training mishaps and then just can't help adding: 'ooo, you've got all this to come.' You soon give such people a wide berth and vow never to utter those words yourself.

4. Hangovers become lonely

Once upon a time after a night out drinking, you and your partner faced the hair of the dog together. Now, though, she gets to laugh at your morning-after suffering, sympathy non-obligatory. It spoils the fun of drinking but is actually a great way to cut your alcohol intake.

5. Scan pictures all look the same

You are sure, nay certain, you can see the shape of your wife's nose on that 20-week scan picture but soon realise Rita from accounts is merely smiling out of politeness rather than in agreement. In truth, the NHS has six stock printouts that they roll out across the country - probably...

6. Even more people want your money

Never mind the grey pound. Your baby bucks are a target for all manner of paraphernalia aimed at babies - unborn and newborn. Initially you buy nonsense but soon get savvy enough to ask if spending £50 on a womb-listening gadget is strictly necessary. Clue: it isn't.

7. Mealtime paranoia

Is the chicken cooked enough? Is there blue cheese in this sauce? Though you quickly learn what your partner can and can't eat and how certain undercooked foods can be dangerous, your partner will still worry. Even if you have served up a meal worthy of Masterchef, you know to check and check again to put her mind at ease.

8. Tea rounds become epic

Not as in amazing but as in lengthy. It takes weeks to remember that your partner needs to be drinking decaffeinated tea and coffee and you find yourself experimenting with making your own teas by adding ingredients to boiling water such honey, fruit juice and cinnamon.

9. The realisation that your partner actually planned this…

Learning you're going to be a dad is a joy but also fills you with pure, unadulterated fear. So it's a shock to learn this whole baby thing has been part of your partner's life plan for ages. She still has her own worries, though - especially over the small matter of giving birth. Best plan: embrace your fears together.

10 …but she's sexier than ever

Women feel, well let's be honest, fat when they are pregnant but it is a well-kept secret in man-dom that when your partner is carrying your baby, she has never looked more attractive to you. You might brag in the pub about her increased sex drive in certain trimesters but you'd sooner die than admit that the urge to love and protect her has never been greater.

Adam Carpenter has worked as an editor and freelance writer on several leading national magazines. Amongst other titles he has written for Practical Parenting, Take a Break, Bella and Cornwall Today and writes a regular column for Writers' Forum. He also broadcasts a weekly show on CHBN Radio in Truro. He lives in West Cornwall with his wife and two young children. Pregnancy For Dads-to-Be by Adam Carpenter is published by Summersdale, £7.99


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