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No of course you don't want to live like this any more Dondon and I don't blame you.  You need to change,  but you are resisting all attempts to do this aren't you?

The litany going through your head instead of positive - I need to change is negative - I am bad,  I am stupid etc.  You are never going to be able to change unless you can accept this is what you need to do.  instead of constantly turning your face against it. 

You have to decide whether you want to give up or you want to fight.  Make your choice.  Only you can decide this I'm afraid.  

Do you want to give in?  Do you want to fight?   Answer this question and you are half way there. 

Love  Bev xx.

I have tried to change, I know you don't believe me but no one knows how hard I've tried.

Yes I want to give in, I have given in X

Hi I do believe you though as I know you have tried to change,  but only piecemeal and not the basics.

The basics are understanding that other people do understand what you are going through.

Accepting that you are at least as important as anyone else and that you do matter.

You need to do baby steps as I think you are trying to run before you can walk.   If you do very little things very slowly and repititively you are initiating bigger changes which will come of their own accord.  You need to start at the beginning and work up.   It's no good having unrealistic targets which I think you do.   

It's like learning how for example to walk.  You try and get up but you fall.  You then try again and fall again.  But you know from watching your babies grow up that eventually they succeed.   You will too but you have to be willing to start it the same way as a baby does.  

Still here for you my love.   Bevx

 

Truth is and I know your'll put me down for this but truth is no one gets its no one understands what I go through, the voices what I see what I've done no one can understand that not ever!

You will reply with I act like I'm alone in the world but that's just it...I am!

Others suffer from depression of course they do but honestly ? I don't think I have depression I am just me and changing who Yoi are is the hardest thing ever...and if I'm wrong then yes you can call me weak or have a go at me for wallowing in self pity, but this is me! I am a lot of things! God knows I am but I'm not a lair, I speak from the heart and I speak the truth...maybe that's why so many think I'm an idiot ! Guess they'd be right! Xx

I understand.  Nobody can ever see what is in you, what has happened to you, and only you hear the voices.  It does make you feel so alone.

Maybe it isn't depression in the clinical way, but you are certainly very, very unhappy and in a depressed state.  One thing you are not is an idiot.  You are a lovely person who is being persecuted right now and you are not finding the right way to an answer.

I don't have that answer love, but I sure hope you keep looking for it because we would hate to lose you.

Take care, you are so vulnerable and I hope you have someone who can protect you.

Patxxx

Thank you but there is no one to protect/help me only things/people that put fear into me! I know that makes no

Sense to you and god knows I wish it didn't to me either! I am alone! I've never been/felt more scared and alone in my life!

Dondon what makes you think I don't understand?  I do and I reckon most on here do too.  Everyone has their own pain and no one can fully understand someone else - of course not.  But we do all understand pain.

I am alone too - very alone both physically and mentally.   By the way what are you changing into?  A frog or something?     Been there done that got the T shirt.   (not a frog though).  Bev x

Because in your own way you have a go at me, I understand your reasons as I have learnt for a long time to understand people or at least try to but nobody understands me, they think I'm rude, I'm a liar or they tell me how bad others have things....I know that and I don't wish unhappiness on anyone but without trying to sound horrible and nasty, knowing others suffer and maybe more than me doesn't help me and doesn't make me feel guilty although I realise that's the desired affect! But truth is it doesn't! I wish no harm on anyone but knowing others suffer more Is neither here nor there for me! It doesn't make me

Feel better about myself...nothing can because I am a horrible human being !

I didn't mean that to sound heartless, I'm sorry xx

Hi Dondon what I was trying to say is that you are not the only person in the world to feel the way you do,  and that others can relate to that. 

I am not having a go at you at all - I am just trying to get you to see that you can be helped if you let yourself be. 

I don't want to upset you further so I will bow out now.   And it's not because you are a horrible or stupid person (before you go thinking that)  but because I can't get through to you and I don't want you to get any further upset.

Take care  Bev x

 

Xxx

I'm sorry Bev xx