[PLEASE HELP]: I feel like I might have anxiety but I'm not sure...?

Posted , 4 users are following.

I've been doing a great amount of research over a long period of time, and I feel like I have many symptoms of anxiety and even depression. I'm constantly having to tap my foot, wiggle my legs, pick at my clothing, twirl my hair, and express other forms of "nervous energy." I also get really bad anxiety whenever texting someone, especially when they're close to me (this used to be with everyone, but thankfully I've gotten better with that). Like, if I'm texting someone and they just randomly leave, I start to feel really anxious. It's to the point where I don't even wanna text with my bff of 8 years because I'm afraid that she'll just randomly leave like she's done numerous times in the past, even while knowing how I feel about that stuff (I know she doesn't mean any harm against me and forgets, but still...). Lately I've been halting our conversations texting, "I gtg" real quick, cause I'm scared of being let down. It makes me feel so stupid, ridicuous, overdramatic, and irrelevant. There isn't even a reasonable method behind my madness, other than the fact that I just don't like it. However, it used to make me anxious because I thought I was annoying to the person and they didn't wanna talk, but now that reasoning doesn't even seem to disturb my mind whenever something like that happens. Just me feeling anxious for no good reason it seems... and it makes me feel so selfish, weak, guilty, and annoying... I actually get that same anxiety whenever texting my boyfriend (if he randomly leaves w/o telling, that is) but I've somehow managed to open up to him and trust him to let me know, unlike everyone else. Aside from that, I also worry and freak out over such little things, and overthink. i.e: I might overthink something as small as a person's tone of voice, facial expression, words, etc. This also makes me feel horrible, because it seems like every time I express this to a trusted loved one, I just make them feel bad and it makes me regret ever sharing it in the first place. It's always been too difficult to hide my anxiety though... I don't know. I feel like just the opposite of most people who have a similar issue... most times these things are known for being hidden with a fake smile, and bottled in the person. But I just can't do that. And every time I try, I just blow up at the person making me that way like I already do because of my extremely short temper and impatience. I also had to present in front of a whole class today, and my hands were trembly, I was sweating and felt a random burst of heat, I was blushing, my mouth felt dry, and I just felt overall discomfort and anxiety. Usually when I have panic attacks for whatever reason (doesn't happen often), I have basically those same symptoms, but with that my heart races, I might cry sometimes, my body tenses up, and I start hyperventilating.....

I really don't know... I feel like I've had most of these symptoms since middle school but I've been too afraid to tell my parents so I could get an official diagnosis, mainly because they've sorta just brushed my issues off in the past and made me feel belittled. I'm scared to even let other people know whenever they make me anxious, because I'm afraud of being let down and afraid that they won't care. So I can't even get the proper help that I think I may need, and it just makes me feel so desperate and hopeless. These struggles I face make me hate myself more and more, giving me a sense of dysphoria and lack of productivity. I'm almost always too tired to do anything, and I wanna make friends but I feel like I'm the least important of the group and like I'm constantly left out and talked over. I just hate myself so much, because my loved ones deserve better from me and I feel like I can't even properly give it.......

I'm sorry, I know this is really long, but I just feel like crap and it feels good to let it out... if anyone actually read this far, thank you, from the bottom of my heart... I just really need help.....

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  • Posted

    Hey, 

    Sounds like you have obsessive thinking as well as a touch of OCD possibly. CBT has really helped me come to terms with a lot of social anxiety. My anxiety has contributed to me getting quite severe physical symptoms recently - and I have health anxiety so it's been just awful - so speaking as someone who was an overthinker, hair twiddler and nervous wreck when it came to what other people think, you have to try and put that stuff out your mind. I would give anything to have my physical health back now and my overthinking in the past year has led to me having severe stomach issues and headaches (IBS and acid reflux are linked to stress and anxiety). 

    I'm not saying the last part to scare you, I wish I had known the damage long term stress could cause and did get ample warning from people around me. It turned out for me living off caffeine and nervous energy when I was doing community work wasn't good for me and the anxiety I have purely about health now has been off the chart till recently. What I would advise you do is get some counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). You'll be taught coping mechanisms. They're great. Things like catarophising (what's the worst they can think of me?), mind reading and fortunte telling (assuming what people think of you when you're not sure) and worst case scenario thinking are all brought down to manaageable levels in CBT. It gives you a name for the thoughts you're experiencing, especially if your thoughts race.

    Nowadays I couldn't care less what people think, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just wish I hadn't put my physical health under fire which negative thinking, because I don't always get to enjoy my new found relaxing of thoughts when my body is playing up now! But when medication hopefully settles that down I can promise you you get a perspective that stops you from worrying what others think. It will get better. Your mind is powerful, and therefore you can change your thinking. Good luck.

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    • Posted

      Hello, thank you for the response!

      I think I can sorta relate to the physical symptoms of anxiety. I get frequent headaches... and I probably shouldn't be drinking so much caffeine either.....

      At one point about two years ago, I also remember having this really bad pain near my ribs (underneath and between my breasts), and I remember telling my school counselor about it and she thought it was an ulcer due to my anxiety. I never got it checked out, but it did go away. It just comes back on rare occasions, but not as bad or intense.

      I would go to therapy, but I'll probably have to wait til I can graduate and move out because my parents don't listen to me when I try telling them that I think something is wrong with my mental health and that I need help.

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  • Posted

    Yup anxiety. You arent alone. Maybe instead if texting just call and talk to people. I have bad anxiety also,not fun,but nothing to be ashamed of.
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    • Posted

      I would call, but it seems like nobody has the time for that anymore. I used to try calling my best friend, but eventually gave up because she was almost always too busy for that, and so were my other friends.

      I'll try not to feel shame from it, though. Because I never asked for this.

      Thank you for responding and for your suggestion!

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