1 year out, still feel horrible

Hello everyone,

It’s been just over a year since I’ve taken any medication, and every day for an entire year I’ve been suffering, hoping one day I feel relief and start to feel like my old self. I’m 38 years old, and never felt any of these symptoms in my life.

I was put on Celexa because after one year of marriage, I found out my wife was having an affair.  It absolutely destroyed me, as I was completely in love, extremely happy, and totally blindsided.  After a few months of being in the dumps with minor anxiety, my GP suggested anti depressants.  I was extremely hesitant to say the least, but eventually decided to give it a try.

I followed directions and started at 10mg for 7 days.  I felt ok for the most part (some shakiness, crying spells).  On the 8th day I started 20mg.  After a few days at 20mg I experienced the most severe and unbearable side effects that I can’t fully explain to anybody.  I had brain zapping so severe it felt like my brain was being electrocuted upwards of 12 hours a day.  I had major crying spells, memory loss, confusion, extreme difficulty reaching orgasm, and even suicidal thoughts.  At that point I was so scared I wanted off the meds asap.  My GP advised me to stay on, so I did for another 2 weeks, everyday suffering the same brutal side effects until I tapped out.  I was told if I wanted off, to wean down to 10mg for a week, then stop.  In total, I was only on Celexa for 21 days.

During the 21 days I went to the ER 3 times because the effects were so severe I thought I was losing my mind.  Each time to be told it’s just the stress of my situation and has nothing to do with the medication.  After a few weeks of stopping, I had bad insomnia, and some nights had extreme loud voices and noises in my head, almost like a horror movie... eventually that stopped, the brain zaps eventually stopped, and the other effects slowly subsided.  About a month later, however, I distinctly remember waking up one morning feeling completely detached from myself, and I felt severe tingling in both legs.  I felt so off I can’t even describe it.  I almost felt hyper aware of my own existence, mixed with a bad hangover feeling, grogginess, pressure in my head, and feeling very panicky.

The tingling in my legs lasted for another 6 months, and now is very minor.  Then I went through a phase where I had difficulty reading, and cognitive skills were poor, which lasted about a week or two, but eventually went away.  Then I went through a phase for another 2 months where I would wake up in extreme gut wrenching panic.  Thankfully that also went away.

However, for the entire year I have been living with constant panicky thoughts and have fearful/terrorizing thoughts about anything that comes to mind.  I still have the head pressure and sometimes get severe headaches every few days.  I have felt this way every day for a year now, with no relief in sight.

My wife and I are still together trying to make things work, but it just hasn’t been the same between us.  The affair destroyed us.  Everyone tells me it’s just the stress of the situation causing all these symptoms but I never experienced this before taking Celexa, so I have my doubts.  Does any of this sound like withdrawal even over a year later?  How much longer will I have to suffer before l’m back to myself again?  Thanks in advance

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