2 weeks - 20mg flux

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well its a real roller coaster rode. My best days were last Thursday night and Friday morning. Felt no anxiety and pretty upbeat. Then Friday afternoon I felt it all slowly drain away .....back to anxiety and depressed and low moods/ thoughts. I wake early morning now about 5 am , can't go back to sleep and my mind starts working overtime. Feelings of dread, and hopelessness. Sometimes I hate myself for having this. Been for walks and bike rides which help. Usually my mood picks up in the afternoon. Everything at the moment depresses me..please tell me it gets better!! 😃 some afternoons I'm a lot more relaxed but I'm writing this now in the morning. My head is ready to explode..lol think I need to go for a walk. What's it been like for you guys this week? Hope you are all doing good!! Let me know of any good tricks to make things a bit more comfortable. I'm drinking ginger tea in the morning to combat the sickness feeling first thing . Good luck everyone!!! We can all do this!!

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  • Posted

    This up and down business is quite normal as you're recovering.  Don't know why it happens, but it always seems to.  It's almost like your body is giving you little tasters and getting you prepared for what's to come :-)

    This up and down period seems to go on for some time - an odd hour here or there of feeling good followed by a depressed phase, then a day or 2 of feeling good and again followed by a depression.  These feel good times get longer each time and eventually stay.  You might get a depressed phase maybe even months after feeling good, but it'll pass.

    Each time you feel low, just let it be there and remind yourself that this is recovery and the good feeling will come back.  Try and keep busy, do things as normal, and you'll probably find you haven't thought of 'it' for a while.  Don't try and hurry recovery - it'll happen in it's own time.  It'll creep up so slowly you won't realise it's happening.

    It takes a long time to recover, and a lot of patience.

    K xx

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    • Posted

      Hiya Kate. Thanks for the advice!😃reassurance on this site keeps me going. Here I'm not alone with these crazy ups and down. Normal life is hard as people tend not to understand our problem and think of us as weak or neurotic. I guess I am trying to rush my recovery as I have to find a job soon. My company let me go on Christmas eve with a p45 in the post. I had recently changed jobs so they didn't have to keep me on. Bad timing with my depression I guess. The 24 hours last week when I had a good window was great and I cling on to the hope that those nice feelings will return. I do feel ashamed of how I feel as normally I am a strong outgoing person. Keeping busy does help. Sometimes I feel that there is a little boy screaming on the inside of me that no one can hear. Those are my insecurities at the moment. It's not all bad , afternoons pick up a little and on flux I'm a lot more active than when I was on mirtazipine. I dare not have an alcoholic drink as it may mess with the flux. Although sometimes would be nice to get merry and forget life for a bit...how far in your recovery are you Kate? What's it been like for you? Thanks for replying. Best wishes- pete.
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    • Posted

      Kates right. Ups and downs is how it goes. Hold onto the faith that you will be yourself again soon. I cry in the morning every so often and feel jittery almost all the time. Good days are infrequent but getting more frequent. Family sees a change but hard when you are in it to see it. Trying to do a little everyday. Got on the exercise bike for the first time in a long while. 5mins only but still. Hope u find the days getting better and better. Stick in there.
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    • Posted

      Oh how strange, I did a long reply and it's not here.  Wonder if I posted on someone else's post instead.  Am going in search of it.
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  • Posted

    Hi pete

    This illness-its a git isnt it?! As kate says ups and downs are quite normal for recovery unfortunately -it takes a while but things do get better! On bad days just ride it out, know youre gonna feel rubbish and just be kind to yourself, hide under blanket if thats what makes you feel better.

    Though you're totally doing the right thing with exercise, if you can force yourself to do a bit esp outside it really does help. Glad youve had some good days so that you ve seen the" light" at the end of the tunnel

    Theres a breathing techinique called 4-7-8, if youve not heard of it already look it up its a very simple thing but proven to help combat anxiety and help sleep. Give it a go.

    My character is like yours, strong n outgoing generally so feeling like this really knocked me sideways. Dr recommended a book called "depressive illness-the curse of the strong" which really helped me understand why this could happen to me and what I was going through. Still hard to tell people whats wrong but friends worth having will accept it and be there if you need them.

    Keep busy and distracted, take it day by day and dont be hard on yourself, youre not weak or neurotic its an illness youre suffering and you need to get better.

    Keep strong and look after yourself, hope more good days come soon.

    Vix

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