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-Hey guys, I've recently started on meds because I feel it's my only option left. I think I've been living with depression and anxiety for a couple years now but haven't really realized it-is that possible? It's feel it's been apart of me and in the background of my life yet it's just gone acknowledged.
I was going to get on meds my senior year but my parents attributed it to the circumstances I was under. I dealt with an intense amount of schwk, gf/friend issues, and could barely manage a direction for my future. So I survived the year and had high hopes of being free from my unhappy feelings and escaping the state of mind..
I went off to live on my own to attend college. It's been the most scariest/weird/awful year of my life. All the bull has cleared and it's now obvious that the problem lies inside my head. I'm tired all the time. I fake my emotions and am filled with numbness on the daily. It feels like an obligation/job/stress to talk to my friends and I feel I'm disconnecting from most. I feel hobbyless and don't enjoy anything and feel like I've really never have all my life. Worst of all are my unbelievably distorted thoughts. I'd see people walkin I the streets and think maybe I could be like them in my next life. I've grown so comfortable with suicidal thoughts it's scary. I always wonder what it feels like to be human because I don't feel lik I belong on this planet, I feel like a soulless flesh bag. I just wish I could restart somehow but am to scared to try and don't wanna hurt the people around me..
I too my mom, scheduled an appt, and now on 20mgs of Citalopram. Thing is I don't know if I can be treated It's been 3wks and 5dAys and I haven't felt any effects aside from yawning nd headaches. I hear pep say I wanna be back to my OLD self. I wanna feel happy AGAIN. But I can't remember the last time I've ever been happy and don't kno if I have the capacity I don't feel I have an old self to go back to.. I feel so hopeless and numb.. I really hope it can change me. :;(
sorry bout the length, I juss wanted to get it all out there
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