20mgs of Cit; can I be helped?

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-Hey guys, I've recently started on meds because I feel it's my only option left. I think I've been living with depression and anxiety for a couple years now but haven't really realized it-is that possible? It's feel it's been apart of me and in the background of my life yet it's just gone acknowledged.

I was going to get on meds my senior year but my parents attributed it to the circumstances I was under. I dealt with an intense amount of schwk, gf/friend issues, and could barely manage a direction for my future. So I survived the year and had high hopes of being free from my unhappy feelings and escaping the state of mind..

I went off to live on my own to attend college. It's been the most scariest/weird/awful year of my life. All the bull has cleared and it's now obvious that the problem lies inside my head. I'm tired all the time. I fake my emotions and am filled with numbness on the daily. It feels like an obligation/job/stress to talk to my friends and I feel I'm disconnecting from most. I feel hobbyless and don't enjoy anything and feel like I've really never have all my life. Worst of all are my unbelievably distorted thoughts. I'd see people walkin I the streets and think maybe I could be like them in my next life. I've grown so comfortable with suicidal thoughts it's scary. I always wonder what it feels like to be human because I don't feel lik I belong on this planet, I feel like a soulless flesh bag. I just wish I could restart somehow but am to scared to try and don't wanna hurt the people around me..

I too my mom, scheduled an appt, and now on 20mgs of Citalopram. Thing is I don't know if I can be treated sad It's been 3wks and 5dAys and I haven't felt any effects aside from yawning nd headaches. I hear pep say I wanna be back to my OLD self. I wanna feel happy AGAIN. But I can't remember the last time I've ever been happy and don't kno if I have the capacity sad I don't feel I have an old self to go back to.. I feel so hopeless and numb.. I really hope it can change me. :;(

sorry bout the length, I juss wanted to get it all out there

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  • Posted

    William, 

    I have felt before when I was at my lowest that I had never been happy and how could I ever be happy in the future. The truth is, I just so low and negative and I couldn't remember all the happy times. The happier you get (or shall we say less low), the more random happy memories from your childhood etc. will start to come back to you and make you smile. 

    Stick on the meds, maybe ask the doctor to increase your dosage. 

    Also, have you tried therapy? 

    I have to study now but I will check up on this discussion later this evening.

    Stay strong, we're here for you! smile 

    anonymousgirl xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Willian,

    20mg is a starting dose, and can make you feel rubbish for few weeks before any better. If after 4 weeks or so you feel no better, go back to your doc, you have room top up the dose or , if doc thinks, try a different drug.

    Problem is that the drugs are very person specific, and what works for some wont wonrk for others. Perservere, I've been on this for 10 weeks now (10mg for 6 and 20mg for lasy four weeks), and would say that i am just starting to feel slight benefits.

    Don't be too downhearted, as my doc keeps saying, "if this doenst work, we still have other options up our sleeves, this is only Plan A".

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  • Posted

    Hi William

    I just wanted to send you some hugs really. You sound so low, but you WILL be happy again. Your life is your life and it is for living. The real William is in there he has just been surpressed by your depression. The meds will help and I would certainly ask for some therapy. 

    All the best, you've made the first step to recovery by reaching out for help. 

    Good luck

    Liz xx

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  • Posted

    William

    Yes, you can be helped I promise you. I have felt all what you described. I used to get people envy, I would walk past strangers and wonder how they looked happy. I felt like I was in a glass box looking out at everything and also didnt want to be here. Along with panic and anxiety. I took meds and they worked.

    Unfortunately its not an overnight fix, its gradual but it does work. Like the others say, give it time,  if this doesnt work another drug will. But please have faith in yourself. Nothing is infixable. Let us know how you get on, or chat just for support.

    Hugs xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi William I was on citropalm but somebody posted on here about a book it's also an app it's so worth a read gave me a totally different aspect on how I was feeling not all of the book related to me but well worth a read I can promise you biggrin it's called At last a life by Paul Davis good luck x 
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the support and advice fellas smile

    Yea, I've been pretty low for awhile and am just ready for change.

    If it doesn't get better by the 4th week I'm gonna call my GP. What other types of ssri's or meds do you think would work? And do you think increasing the dose would actually provide benefit?

    I've did therapy my during hs and have stay connected with him for about a year. I'm recently seeing him now as well. I feel the prob's beyond talking. Like I can recognize all the negativity/distortions but I can't do anything about it, my mind spits the same continuos crap. And I go blank when I talk to peps, I just feel so dull.

         I'm excited and have hope about the meds yet I just wish they'd work already!! AHh I'm so close!! Idk I'm one step closer than I was yesterday and each day I'm striving/trying, so there's hope smile

    I'll be sure to check out that book, thanks pal :D

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  • Posted

    I feel exactly like you, I have never had a period in my life were I could say, "I'm happy!"

    Citalopram did help me though, you start to feel the positive affects after at least 6 weeks and things start to look brighter. I've had to up my dose after a year on them,  as I was starting to feel odown again and now I have decided to combine citalopram with therapy. Maybe you should try therapy too.. It could be really helpful to talk to a professional who understands how you're feeling.

    Hope you start to feel better. smile x

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  • Posted

    I believe that any antedepressant should be used along with talk therapy.  It's not a goal to just feel better but to find out why you feel so bad in the first place.  I was always anti-antedepreants and have had years of talk therapy and while that alone helped, these pass few years have been hard and I started taking Cit a year ago.  Please seek a a professional to get to the bottom of your pain!
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