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My senior year in high school I performed cpr on my father. I broke everyone of his ribs in the process and can never get the image put of my head of my father laying on the group helpless gasping for air. This image prevent me from sleeping. Over the past 4 year my life had been filled with one sh*tty situation after the other. My mother was diagnosed with breastfeeding cancer and died, my father head a heart attack and was in a drug induced coma for a month so his heart could heal. Shortly after these event took place my grandfather died. A man who played a very key role in my life. He had stage 4 lung cancer and didn't tell any of us because he didn't want people to worry because my dad had just had a heart attack and her didn't want the attention. Two key people in my life died within the span of 3 years. The final blow came recently when my supposedly best friend of 12 years called me and told me that he hated me and that he was only friends with me for so long because he though it was funny and he told everyone what I told him in confidence. Turns out that I was just a big joke ro him and that I mean nothing to him. I have reached the bottom of the barrel and don't see the point in moving on. I'm depressed and feel unloved. When I'm alone with my thoughts I scare myself and want to get away from th but I cant. What should I do? I don't even feel safe around myself at this point. I need help.
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