21 years old and at the bottom of the barrel

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My senior year in high school I performed cpr on my father. I broke everyone of his ribs in the process and can never get the image put of my head of my father laying on the group helpless gasping for air. This image prevent me from sleeping. Over the past 4 year my life had been filled with one sh*tty situation after the other. My mother was diagnosed with breastfeeding cancer and died, my father head a heart attack and was in a drug induced coma for a month so his heart could heal. Shortly after these event took place my grandfather died. A man who played a very key role in my life. He had stage 4 lung cancer and didn't tell any of us because he didn't want people to worry because my dad had just had a heart attack and her didn't want the attention. Two key people in my life died within the span of 3 years. The final blow came recently when my supposedly best friend of 12 years called me and told me that he hated me and that he was only friends with me for so long because he though it was funny and he told everyone what I told him in confidence. Turns out that I was just a big joke ro him and that I mean nothing to him. I have reached the bottom of the barrel and don't see the point in moving on. I'm depressed and feel unloved. When I'm alone with my thoughts I scare myself and want to get away from th but I cant. What should I do? I don't even feel safe around myself at this point. I need help.

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  • Posted

    Hi Cory...Sounds like you have been a really tough time,especially for someone so young.Life can be so tough at times and I am certain all this pain you are experiencing is transcient.But for at this moment in time,at this very tricky time of year,perhaps it would be prudent to call The Samaritans?You do need help and please call your G P's surgery and make an urgent appointment,for the new year at least.In the interim,please call one of the helplines like The Samaritans.Take care of yourself as this will pass.Sally x
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  • Posted

    Hello...Cory

    Sorry about the things that have happened....it's not going to be easy but what I think you need is God....he is the only one who can understand what you are going through.....he loves and wants to help u feel better and comfort you from all your misery....the God I am talking about is Jesus Christ....he will never leave you nor forsake you

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  • Posted

    Hi Cory, You have had a tuff time with death. As for your so called best friend you are better off without him. It must of been so hurtful for him to ring you and tell you he hated you. Death is inevitable during our lives, we all experience it, but especially when it is close family it is exceptionally hard to deal with. See your GP and have a chat, it may benefit you to have some berevement Counselling and explore how you feel. Berevement can take a while to come to terms with. Your so young too. Look for some good friends you can trust and start to enjoy your life. Hope this helps.

    Elizabeth. 

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  • Posted

    Cory you have coped with so much in your life and I think you must be an exceptional person. You also  saved your Dads life.  I think you have so much to feel proud of.  I know your friend has hurt you to the bone, but he is an idiot, and not a friend at all.  I think you may well have post traumatic stress disorder which can be helped with good counselling.  It worked for me very well.

    You need to get help urgently, however you can do that, do it.  Don't dwell on the ex friends comments if you can possibly help it.  We have all discovered in our lives that there are some people who we thought were friends who turned out to betray us.  We all feel appalled and small and helpless when someone who was close once becomes  emotionally vindictive, but we then get our equilibrium back and hold our heads up high and walk away realising that some people are just like that and if they no longer have your respect then you don't have to take their comments on board. 

    Please get the help you deserve because you need some help to get through this.  All of us who had been been through half of what you have, would need help to get through it.

    We all care about you here, so I know you will get the support you need.  Keep in touch and tell us what action you take to get help.

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