24 little hours

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What a difference a day makes? If anyone is nice enough to read this post please forgive me if I make any typos? It's usually this phone but right now it may well be me? Went to go pub this morning but ended up in library, sorry-24 hours ago I eventually grew a set and after 16 yrs called time on my relationship? Me bird is like 5ft nothing I'm 6-2in in pretty decent shape but was brought up not to raise my hand to a female no matter what? She had a pretty dreadful life til met me and was abused by her exes so wasn't used to someone like myself so when she hit me I excepted it, stuff happens, she'd always apologise and I'd always forgive. The way it goes I suppose. Anyway I went to see her cos what kind of lowlife does things by phone/txt. Everything went amicable, sorry she was drunk when hit me? Never done it sober in the 16 yrs? Sorry again but she hardly drinks but I got her a flat and right facing lives a lovelly but lonelly girl whose alcoholic and has Tina as a friend now? Anyway done and dusted and went to go pub 2day as I said? Couldn't face it, went in library and then back home? Msg after msg off Tina with apologies and fort eff it and went pub? Not being used to it I,m pretty wasted here but the thing is, my friends who haven't seen me for so long were like, wow havnt seen you in ages or believe you had a breakdown to any money on ya til Friday? My head is back in a mess, after 16 yrs 24 hrs ago did I end the best thing that's ever happened to me or have I broken those shackles that was keeping me down? What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours? So if anyone reads this and is kind enough to reply pls advise me should I stay with her and except the beatings when she gets drunk "through her neighbour" or stick to my guns cos after a while I,'ll get over her but no matter what I would never leave her without so in essence I will be giving someone whatever and be on my own and if meet someone else woukd still look after her which would prob cause problems? Whatever anyway, moral of the story is, I should not of gone out, I should not of had a drink and most of my so called friends are A holes?

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  • Posted

    Think you should stay away from anyone who is violent towards you. And the same goes for so called friends who are a holes. Why do you think so little of yourself that you would waste your time with an abusive person or a person who is using you or not respecting you? Surely it is better to be at home on your own than be with such a person? And yes I do know. I got a divorce from an abusive man - years ago - I had no money, no support, no job nothing. But it was the right thing to do.

    The thing is NIGHT OWL if you show people that you do not respect yourself enough to be picky about who you spend time with or how they treat you then they will not respect you either. You are enabling them and making it easy for them to to have a victim. Either as a whipping post or for amusement or because nobody smart and strong would go anywhere near them and they have to make do with someone weak.

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    • Posted

      Awww, thanks hun, I,m drunk now hun because not used to drinking, part own a pub but that's business? It's really hard to explain hun? When I met Tina she was reckless what ever and in those days there was a video shop by where I used to li e so I went to see owner cos difficulties and all that and thought where it was be nice to open a deli or cafe so went to see if could sort something, he owed bank ex amount and they was gonna foreclose so made sense I pay his bill give him a few quid and everyone's happy? When in shop some skatty bird walked in, very pretty but pretty rank, I said hello and tha she had btl vodka hanging out her pocket I,'ll never forget it, anyway when she left, didn't want vis she was just pissed, Jay, the owner said she's a lovelly girl her but who the eff would go with her for more than the hr or two? I thought that was awful and set out to find out who the he'll she was? Found out she was living in a squat, been beaten up by most of her partners and was stuck in a bit of a rut? Tit me seemed her out, my friends own properties so got her a flat and went from there really and it was like finding an old rusty penny in the street cleaning it up and finding out it wasnt a penny but a very rare krugerrand? As violence goes if my family knew she would be hurt and I couldn't allow that? As in me being afraid? You are right? Terrified of a violent woman only because I can't hit back? No one on this planet could intimidate me angel except for every woman on it? I've heard people say they smacked their bird but they deserved it? I can't think of any reason to strike a woman, leave yes, raise your hand, you are not a man. Sorry that's my 2 cents anyway?
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  • Posted

    Be strong.  Violent behavior - from a male or female - is never acceptable.  You should get out of this destructive relationship.  I think over time you will get over her.  You seem to have a loving heart but enough is enough!  Of course, I'm not in your shoes and only you can make this decision but I feel she is hurting you - physically and emotionally.  I'm so sorry.
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    • Posted

      Thanks Vic angel, just hard tho hun, I don't mean to put her down I think it's because of the way she was treated by others that she acts up now and then and I,m definitely an easy target when comes to women hun? Ha, funny really, met her and she had nothing really, got het a flat off a friend and many years later got her her own flat, I've taken her a lot destinations around the world, in Tunisia she got drunk and beat me up and I just left moved to different hotel and went next day and paid damages? Shes come on so mu h angel she's a good girl but demon drink is her downfall and who an I to say you can't drink? She knows herself and always apologises. I,m sorry hun, ive just invested so much in her and I know that she knows that no matter what I,m an easy target and would give her anything? Haha think that maybe part of reSin my family took power of attorney? Ha, thanks angel, appreciated.
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    • Posted

      Being badly treated in the past is not an excuse to be nasty or abusive to people later. And if she cared about you she would have sorted out therapy or something to stop hurting you. Not carried on doing it and using that excuse.
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    • Posted

      Hi carm, I suppose you are right hun, I try see best in everyone a d I woukd.never allow anyone to disrespect her, the power of the pen you see angel, I dont know you lovelly people yet I'm here spilling my guts to you all, funny as it may sound ive never fell out"argumentively" with any of my exes. Hopefully I,m a decent lad but often my own principles causes distress to others? I've bought a vagrant (so to speak) a meal and been told off because they're probably winos, who cares I didn't give him money I just didnt like the thought of him going hungry, at the same time I bought some lad a breakfast and he went mad because he didn't like blackpudding? How was I to know? Anyhoo, it was my money so if wasting it what the hell? By other peoples standards I know there's something wrong with me as I care about such mundane things when I notice others not giving a damn, if I could change I woukd of by now, I wish I could sometimes but other times I'd hate to be like some of the people I observe? I,m sorry all, this is the drink and why I dint like drinking?
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    • Posted

      If you were a parent and your son asked you to give you £1000 so he could spend it on heroine you would say no bcause you cant afford it and because it is better for him. Going back to someone abusive is the same. It makes it easy for them to continue to be abusive and you pay a high price for it. But maybe it is more about how you want them to love you and care for you an d kid yourself that if you keep forgiving them they will turn over a new leaf and start to respect you and be nice to you eventually.
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    • Posted

      You are so right hun? In my sister's dying days o abandoned her? How sad an I? I nursed her for months and in her final days I abandoned her? I couldn't take it and it destroyed some part of me that will never be replaced, I was a flower power child growing up way after the 60s, I made a shilling and my sister started swearing which she never did? Couldnt understand why and took her to hospital where they diagnosed a tumor on her brain? I sacked everything and nursed her for what seemed an eternity, my family are nice people but I being the youngest was left to tend her abd did so for such a long time but I left her to them not able to take anymore then I got a phone call saying Susan's gone? Susan's gone where? I let her down and now I'm crying txting this but you're probably right I help others more now trying to make up for being a txxt of a brother.  
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  • Posted

    Hello night owl it sounds like this relationship is going nowhere any abusive partner who uses violence is never going to change as you have accepted this behaviour in the past so why should they change now they always are very sorry after the event and even as you have finished with this relationship they will still try to get you back with promises of it not happening again but you have heard it all before you can't have any kind of relationship with her as you will be dragged back into it again how can you still carry on supporting this kind of behaviour she has her own problems and will have to deal with them alone that's the only way she will change I'm sure she has many issues that she is not dealing with that's why the drink comes into it, but it doesn't solve problems as you have seen first hand today would have been better to go to a gym and have a manic workout or run for miles ( not literally) you will know who your friends are or maybe to time for some new friendships either way you have done the right thing you now have to carry it through that means ignoring the texts and getting on with your life you have escaped the shackles and are ready for something different it's hard when you have been in a relationship for so long but in all that time nothing has changed so it's time for some you time take it easy and no more days in the pub find something better to do with your time something that you enjoy

    good luck

    sue

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    • Posted

      Hi sue, first time I've used or said that name since my sister died? How poignant that you answered my call as since my sister my life has been on downward spiral? (My business, sorry) your name screamed at me from my screen and your words were spot on and you've opened my eyes, you are right angel and I'd be a txxt if just abandoned her? I dint want her back don't get me wrong but you are right when you say she has her own problems? She didnt have an easy life I believe hun, her own parents don't talk to her, I was gonna marry her once, booked trip to Mauritius and all that and her warned me against but at same time said to her she would ha e more black eyes off me than hot dinners? I've proved them wrong and they now adore me, what kind of person would I be to leave someone who needs help? I won't back with her and will give her anything within my me and but you're right she must have her demons which after 16 yrs I haven't discovered? Thank you so much angel. Ps your also right about the drink cos have tears in my eyes now whike writing this? Appreciated.
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    • Posted

      Hi again Night Owl. It is - unfortunately - not that simple.

      If you continue to be there for her and see her she continues to think of herself as your partner and abuses you. You are in a way simply staying in the relationship you claim you ended but did not end. And she has no incentive to go to a therapist and change because you will be there regardless.

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  • Posted

    In your reply to Sue you said you "wouldn't be back with her".  I know that was hard to say and even harder to do after 16 years, but I think it's the right decision.  You are a good person who deserves better.  Good luck
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    • Posted

      Thanks Vic? So confused hun, I have codes I dont break, I'd never raise my hand to a woman, I try to do my best in everything, I look after my elderly neighbours to be told by Tina let them put their own bins out? So ironic that by trying to, not even trying just instinct that I try help others but by doing so I upset the rest? Just glad everyone's not like me hun, sometimes I feel like taking myself out of the equation, I wake up if get some sleep and try make a difference in some way, minute things but things all the same. I would seek help gladly only I dint want to be like others who strike their women, litter the streets, not care about anyone or anything? It's just that I may take it a little to far and literally try help everyone? Thanks hun.
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    • Posted

      It is the right decision. But it is very easy to say you won't get back with someone. Very different to follow it through. If you are weakening on the first day it is even harder.
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    • Posted

      Just had a moment there hun? Must be the drink even tho I only had a couple. I left someone once "my sister" I didn't know and was late? I've never been late for anything ever since and I've never left someone in need? Understandably you think I,m having second thoughts but I,m not? I won't take her back but if shes used to apologising and me taking her back and now all of a sudden I don't, that would be bad? To ignore her woukd be downright rude and woukd make me the lesser man, I wouldn't be hurting her as much as I would be hurting myself? If she needs and I try provide but from a distance then surely I,m the better man and if she finds someone or I do we can still be friends? To leave her when she thinks she'll apologise and I'll be ok and find out I,m not, I think I would deserve my head kicking in. I,d like to leave her thinking I was the good man I've always been and not a shxt who turned his back on her because she got drunk one night? Weird me i know? Ha thanks hun.
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