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Hi, I have been reading through posts and decided to post my own discussion about my experiences so far.
I noticed I am quite young compared to everyone here so my experiences are obviously different. I've suffered for as long as I can remember from social anxiety and never really said anything about it and just got seen to as a the 'quiet kid'. I would always prefer to be at home and not outside as I was worried about my appearance and what other people would think as well as my hobbies and interests (I don't do anything outside of sitting inside all day). Anyway, I am a bit off topic.
I was due to start University and had the typical nerves that you'd experience although these were quickly escalating and they were the worst feelings I had ever had in my life. The constant panic of making a mistake and worrying about meeting so many new people overwhelmed me and I dropped out and became quite suicidal during this period. I am only 18 and being at my age whilst being a man I am considered to be weak and I just need to snap out of it because that's what people my age do right? I got prescribed 10mg of Citalopram by my doctor after a couple of appointments to assess how I was coping. If I am honest the second appointment before I started taking my medication I felt a bit better, although I was still quite anxious and depressed and got diagnosed with GAD. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I was on my 2nd week of 10mg Citalopram and I didn't feel any side effects at all, "Hm, they must be working.." I thought. Oh no, no-no-no-no. Lets go to the third week, all the side effects hit me like a bus. I was crippled and bedridden they were that bad, constantly crying, worrying about family dying even though they're in perfect health (touch wood), diarrhoea, nausea, loss of appetite, weight loss, and panicing. All of these suddenly at once it was terrifying. I foolishly decided at the time after getting these side effects to up my dosage to 20mg as the doctor said I could increase the dosage to 20mg when I was ready, I don't think I was and when I went to the doctors a week after going through what I can only describe as hell on earth I was told to decrease back to 10mg and also got prescribed 2mg of diazepam for when I was getting the absolute worst of my symptoms.
I have noticed that on evenings and nights a lot of my symptoms do subside and I am able to manage myself more, although I do get the thoughts swirling around in my head and slight panic+restlessness. Although mornings are the absolute worst right now. I take my medication in the morning too and I am not sure if it would be better taking them at night instead?
I am just a bit worried that I didn't have any side effects for the first 2 weeks and my anxiety dropped before taking the meds somewhat and now I have extremely bad anxiety through the day.. I keep feeling like I made a massive mistake going on SSRI's and I have ruined my life and I am going to feel like this forever, I guess I am looking for some form of comfort because right now I am at my wits end with these side effects and thoughts like: "Should I just quit the SSRI's?" , "Are they going to make me feel this way forever?" and "I can't stop thinking about the anxiety!".
Thanks for taking your time to read this,
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