7 Weeks TKR Hesitant to Attend Mother's Funeral

Posted , 11 users are following.

Iam 7 Weeks TKR Knee ìs Still Painful Swollen Disturbed Sleep and ROM 90°

My Mother of 86 Years Old Passed Away it was expected 😔

Funeral is Monday and 4 hour round trip

Iam so anxious about travelling and attending

I cannot sit for more than half hour And Have to "Ice" often

My Consultant advised me it would not Do Any Harm (Medically)

to Attend But of Course Decision is Mine Mentally

Thanks For Reading

Any thoughts would be appreciated

M

3 likes, 14 replies

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    *cannot sit in car*
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  • Posted

    Yeah it will be hard to do the trip BUT take longer stop often stretch out put a pillow on the floor yo put your bad leg on but some Biofreeze gel Go to the funeral you will always wished you pushed yourself long term no harm will be done xxx
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  • Posted

    I sat in a car for 3 hours each way soon after my double TKR. Discomfort during was tolerable. Post trip was awful. Your Mum won't care either way. Look after yourself lovee.xxx

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  • Posted

    I went to my father's unveiling 4 weeks after my double TKR. I sat in the back with legs up and we had a portable wheelchair so I could sit. It wasn't easy, but I never would have missed it. Do whatever you can to be comfortable and go. 

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  • Posted

    So sorry for your loss. It is likely to be challenging, but you have to live with your decision, if you think you will regret it, I would go, if not, well don't. But the fact that you have asked people's opinions means you have some doubts.

    ?I don't know what your relationship was like, but I know I would want to go if it was me, after all mothers go through labour pain to bring us into the world and there is no choice about that, however painful. But equally, a loving mother would understand if you are in too much pain to make it. Assuming it is not a plane journey - would you have to drive? As that might be tough, be easier if a passenger.

    ?If you do opt to go, allow time for comfort stops and leg stretches, take lots of pre frozen ice packs in an insulated box (ask for someone to freeze them back up for the return). Take strong pain meds if doc says you are OK to. Take some cushions  and use whatever walking aids you have - even if you don't at home now as it takes the pressure off the knee walking and people will be more careful around you. Has the doctor suggested you use travel compression stockings? 

    ?Could you stay somewhere overnight so you don't have to do the return journey same day? If you go, be sure to take it easy after to allow your knee to settle and maybe book some massage, a visit to a pool or something soothing as you will feel tired physically and emotionally. Whatever you do, take care of yourself, you are still in early recovery from a big surgery.

    ?

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  • Posted

    Follow your heart.  I attended a college graduation one week after.....it was tough but I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

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  • Posted

    Hi michywisy

    I am so very sorry for your lost.

    I am 9 weeks post tkr with a very swollen and painful knee. During this time I have had to make several 3 hour car trips to see my surgeon. It is painful but i stop often which helps a little bit with the pain and stiffness but has not damaged my knee in anyway.

    Since I have a manual transmission vehicle I did rent an automatic for the rides

    However, at home I do drive mine. While it is not fun and somewhat uncomfortable I am able to do so and my doctor has assured me that it has not hurt my knee by doing so.

    Please don't worry. You'll be fine. As I said just take frequent breaks if you can.

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  • Posted

    I am so very sorry for your loss Michywishy.  If you feel that you can get there without hurting yourself, go, but if you feel that the pain will be too terrible, then don't.  7 weeks post TKR is still very early.  Whatever you decide, don't feel bad. 

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  • Posted

    Sorry about your mother. My mother was exactly that same age when she died. It isn't easy at any age.

    I hope you don't have to be the driver or it might be next to impossible

    Plan to stop every hour and ex exercise the leg. Ice it at every opportunity. See if yo can have a wheel chair available. You might not like the effect. It it would be so much easier on you than trying to stand and walk around. Be sure and have pain meds handy....you will need them.

    Best wishes

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  • Posted

    So sorry for your loss. My mother passed away two days after my tkr whilst I was in hospital so I understand what you are going through. My mums funeral was 2 weeks after my op and I had to use a walker that I could sit on. I agree four hours travelling I will be difficult but if you sit in the back with your leg elevated on pillows and break your journey to alleviate the stiffness I'm sure you will be fine. I understand it's a personal decision but if you don't attend the funeral you may regret the decision. My thoughts are with you. Take care.

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  • Posted

    Here is my story.

    I attended the funeral of our dear friend, Bill, four weeks after my first TKR. The five hour round trip and the twenty stairs up to the sanctuary were indeed challenges mainly due to the extreme swelling I had with that leg.

    I KNEW that I would attend NO MATTER WHAT, however, because our friend and his wife, Javey, were always SO HELPFUL and kind to my mother, their neighbor, for so many years.

    Yes, I had a tough time sitting with my legs NOT elevated for all those hours in the car. Yes, the steps were QUITE challenging!

    It was worth EVERY MOMENT!??

    Javey and her family were SO APPRECIATIVE that we had made the long trip --especially since I was just four weeks out of surgery. WE were so inspired by all the people there and by hearing Bill's family and friends sharing so many things about Bill's life that we never knew. The church choir was very comforting, and the minister had a wonderful sermon that helped everyone there connect with Bill, Javey, and our own family members, many who had also passed from this world.

    I personally felt proud of myself for overcoming my pain and discomfort to be there to comfort a very special friend who had just lost HER best friend, her husband, to cancer.

    I hope this helps a bit.

    I am sorry that you are having to decide what to do.

    Sending prayers to you tonight.??

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  • Posted

    Hi Michywishy - My deepest condolences in loosing your mother.

    I traveled by plane at 8 weeks post TKR. It was a 45 minutes ride to the airport, going through security and once I got to my destination it was another 45 minute drive. I had no problems. However, if you are driving yourself - 4 hours is a long drive. If someone else is doing the driving then you can sit in the back seat with pillows and ice. Put bags of ice in a cooler. Rest your leg and elevate it with pillows. Take your pain killers you might need them. I had a 3-hour drive from the hospital to my house and everytime I had to go see the surgeon. It was 184 miles one way. You have gotten good advice from the group. If you really want to be there. Sometimes we make decisions that we regret later. So if you have in mind that perhaps you should be there and your doctor and PT ok it - then go for it. Like someone else said stay overnight. Don't rush back and then the trip is only 2 hours. I use to drive 1/12 hours round trip for my PT sessions. I did fine. However, you are the only one that can make the decision. Best of luck if you decide to make the trip. Best wishes in your healing process. Keep us posted. J21370

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  • Posted

    Sorry that you did not get my reply. I posted it over a day. I don't know why the moderator is holding it. I was telling you about my experience. However, I know that whatever decision you made is the right one. J-21370

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