A Letter To My Ovaries on Your Retirement

Posted , 4 users are following.

Just to make you laugh in all this hell.

A letter to my Ovaries (and Hormones) - on your Retirement

Dear Ovaries

How well I remember the day the two of you first started working for me. It was not a good start. You were young and restless, and egged on by your friend Hormones, you first suddenly appeared as crop of spots on my face... with an overtime bonus of hairy legs and greasy hair. Soon you matured and were taking on extra hours, working late into the night to change my childish, happy smiling nature into something altogether more evil. Oh yes, I laugh now when I remember how, if you were deprived of your bonus, or even your lunch break, I would resemble Linda Blair in the Exorcist. And hah! How quickly I forget the wonderful moments..... the day you all organised for the Tit Fairy to arrive, and the glorious time I was briefly visited by Slim, Hourglass Figure and Glowing Youthful Skin. After a bumpy start, we all settled into a good working rout

ine, and would only cross swords as you took turns to bombard me once a month. Then, after a number of uneventful years while you stuck to your faithful routine - you Ovaries took a long break while I had my first child. (And thank you Hormones, for working long hours to keep everything ticking over in their abcence.) Fast forward to a couple of years ago, when our happy comfortable working life started to show the first cracks. You would often take a few days off work without asking permission. Then you would turn up for work, late or drunk. It seemed that you just didn't care. Soon, the abcences turned into weeks. The Temp agency sent 'Weepy', 'Tired', 'Fat' and 'Sweaty' to fill in, even 'Joint Pain' came for a few months - but it didn't work out. Then they tried to send in all the other 34 'Helpers' too....including 'Dry Skin', 'Saggy Arse', 'Wrinkles' - even 'Flushy', and 'Missing Libido'....but we had to face facts. You were all tired out, and it was time for us to part. So tonight, as I bid you farewell and reflect on all you have done for me, I want to thank you. Thank you for faithfully releasing that egg every month for all those years without so much as a nod of acknowledgement from me. Thank you that, knowing you were reaching the end of your useful working life, you briefly came back and put on a burst of extra activity, even if it did mean I went a little loopy and almost got divorced. All of that that is behind us now. Yes, I even forgive you for 'Changed Body Odour', who you presented as one last final hellish replacement. And as you leave the building and switch off the lights....may I just ask you one last favour.

Don't ******* come back.

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • Posted

    Definitely the best post I've ever read on this site. Ever. Touche ! Sheer poetry. !

    Just one question.......why did you use an 'asterick' to emphasize the final expletive ? Is that a way to get around being censored ? Seems to ******* work !

  • Posted

    Hi Lesley, thanks for the post, it is great and I hope loads of people pick it up and enjoy it.

    Good to start today with a chuckle for once ... bless you, Fanny Jane.

  • Posted

    Actually - I did write THE word, but the site has cencored it - probably quite rightly..!

    Thanks for the comments smile

  • Posted

    That's better. They've copped on with their unabashed 'astericking ' ( have I spelt that right ? ) ! You know, I think you may have defeated your own purpose here and inadvertently immortalised the memory you obviously wished to forget forever. Is there a National Ovary Remembrance Day ?
  • Posted

    I loved this, especially when I really needed cheering up today, cheers hun xx

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