Advice needed!

Posted , 4 users are following.

What do you do when one of your family members is quite a significant trigger to your depression?

I live with my sister after my mum and dad seperated and of course I'm grateful she took me under her wing and is looking after me, but at the same time she treats me with upmost disrespect. I've never felt so demoralised sometimes by the way her words affect me. My sister isn't violent but she's 'vile' verbally. It's hard because she's family and I'm living in her home rent free, but does that give her the right to treat me how she does?

I'm currently employed part time and inbetween work I clean the house as my 'board payment' if you like, and she'll get in from work around 3pm and no matter what she'll find something I haven't done right, if she has anything positive to say (which is very rarely) it'll quickly be followed by something negative. It gets to the point where I begin self loathing and then come the suicidal thoughts. I feel like there's weights pushing down on my body.

How can I tell her? 

1 like, 14 replies

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm living with my sister also since the start of this anxiety/depression episode. Sometimes she can be a little moody and I have to figure out if it's directed at me because I'm in her house,under her feet or just because she is having a bad day. However,my sister doesn't verbally abuse me and is very grateful for all I do around the house.

    Why not leave her a little note. Don't mention all the bad things she says. Make it a nice note telling her how much you appreciate her letting you stay and blah blah blah. That way she will read it and feel good about herself for being oh such a wonderful person but after the self admiration she will probably feel a pang of guilt because you are able to be so nice and yet she is so horrid xxx

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    • Posted

      It is constant. She'll come home from work and literally do nothing, she'll say it's because she's been at work all day, yet when I go to work I'm still expected to do everything. I don't mind at all really, but it's never ever appreciated.

      She also refers to me as a liar and it drives me crazy because I don't lie, like sometimes I feel as if I'm being made to feel 'mental'. 

      People have told me it has to stop but no one quite understands how nasty and vindictive she can be, I feel so awful saying this because she's my sister.

      She's Self Employed and when she decides to take a holiday, I cover for her, but she doesn't appreciate that either and I do it for next to nothing, but it's a waste of time talking about it because she's that harsh with her mouth I end up crying.

      Argh, so frustrated and sick of being taken advantage of!

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    • Posted

      I know. For the time being all you can do is grin and bare it then. She doesn't seem like the sort you could approach and have a decent,fair conversation with. She may twist it all and make you feel worse. I can understand how hard it must be for you. I keep my mouth shut a lot because right now I need to be here,not for me but for my son. While I am unwell I want other people around him to distract him from seeing how ill I am on certain days if that makes sense. 

      Like I sister is a bit moody and can be a bit abrupt. Normally I would have a lot to say but at the minute I can't rock the boat.

      i just let it go over my head and think that I won't be this way forever and won't need her forever and my time will come xx

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  • Posted

    Maybe your sister have pressure or she is depress Im not saying she has the right to hurt you verbaly but tust me nothing better than communication ...communication is the key to solve many problems wish you all the best dear and take it easy smile
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  • Posted

    I understand this is difficult for you living with your sister. You are walking on egg shells and i know what that feels like. Usually when people treat other people verbally abusive it's because they are unhappy themselves, it doesn't make it right thou. I wouldn't try to talk to her as it could cause a row and your in her home rent free. Usually i would advice that you talk to her but she might ask you to leave and where would that leave you. Ignore the comments hard i know, but if she gets no response she may give up. Be nice to her, ask her how her day has been, show an interest in her and see if it makes any difference. If this doesn't work we can think about how to talk to her about her treatment toward you. 
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  • Posted

    Today is a new day and all that and she hasn't managed to be mean just yet. Maybe it's just stress as she runs her own Catering Company?  And she's having 'man' troubles - but I don't want to make excuses for her. Manners and respect cost nothing do they?  

    Not feeling very good this morning, hate how I have amazing highs and then comes the 'crash'. Any tips to get through it? I usually struggle to get out of bed when I wake up in that state, but once I'm out and moving about it's fine. I've got up and tidied the house and now I've got nothing to do until I leave for work at 11:50! 

    Thank you for the support. x

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    • Posted

      Have you any hobbies? I read alot, take a trip to the library. Go for a walk in the park it's a beautiful time of the year to see the trees changing, the leaves dropping, admire your surroundings and the fresh air will be good for you. Take care enjoy your day.
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  • Posted

    I really don't think that's fair at all. This group is for support. If you don't agree with something or feel you are unable to add anything positive,then the simple thing to do is skip past that post.

    On here we write a little of what goes on,what we are going through. Not the whole story. 

    Flipflop says she has depression and I take her word for it. Who are we to judge on just one post.

    Talk about kicking a dog when it's down.

    People should be a little more considerate. We are all trying to get to the same place the best way we can and sometimes what may seem trivial to one person may feel like theend the world for another.

    Being judgemental is very unhelpful when aimed at somebody with depression.

    Please consider you words wisely when dealing with others who are very vulnerable and lost xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you Gillian, really surprised by her response as I came here to seek support not to get beat down.

      I didn't want to have to explain my life experiences but I don't want to get judged on that one particular part of my life.


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