Posted , 6 users are following.
Ok so the last 5 years of my life in small....
Met a bloke, was warned off by many ppl that he was bad news but I fell for him..
He then used me for sex and then ignored me until he wanted to use me again. Stupidly I let him hoping he would want me..
Fell pregnant, he left me was pretty nasty towards me flicked fag in my face tore scan picture up in front of me abusive texts about how he would love to break my nose blah blah
I then went into bad depression and bled through out pregnancy which I might add he did not once come and to hospital to see the baby was ok and I hadn't lost it.
Rest of pregnancy I found out he was sleeping with his ex again which made me feel awful,
His family begged me to have him at birth I agreed and always loved him so felt awful having him there he sat there striking my hand the hole labour,
Next day he took my baby in car seat and walked to car leaving me to walk on my own, he dropped me home n left us. When baby was 6 weeks he came and got abusive and police was called n did nothing.
When she was 6 months I got back together with him hoping for a perfect family , stupid I no.
He left me n came back and forth for the next few years.
I'm a mess now and I don't no what to do ? Stay with him or just get rid?
I can't have friends or go to work I feel isolated, my family don't like him. He won't go to any family does but I have to go to his there's no commitment 4 years down line, says he will move him and it never happens. I'm so confused I don't want him with anyone else
0 likes, 43 replies
richard89308 Numb
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He obviously has some power over you so be careful when you decide what to do as the reaction may be a violent one.
tess33005 Numb
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If he's so neglectful and abusive you need to run in the opposite direction.
I don't understand why the police didn't do anything - when you say he got abusive, what actually happened? Did he hit you or threaten you?
You have a baby now and the baby has to be your priority, darling. Surely you don't want you child to have an abusive father? That's a recipe for a sad, dysfunctional child.
You're worth more than this, and yes, I've been through this, and yes, I finally got rid of him.
It was the best thing I could ever have done, honestly.
Who cares if he's sleeping with somebody else\/ \he obviously isn't committed to you if he's doing that!
He also isn't committed if he didn't keep his promise to move in with you. And be grateful for that!!!!!!!
How much money has he given you towards the things the baby needs?
I'm ever so sorry if this sounds tough and wasn't what you wanted to read, but you don't need a nasty so and so like this in your life.
Love from Tess
gill16647 Numb
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jo57386 Numb
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wayne1962 Numb
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1/Â Isolate victim from family and friends
2/ Threaten victim with some sort of loss creating fear
3/Â Monitor and control victims movements/contacts
4/ Belittle victim undermining confidence causing victim to question her own logic
5/ If victim shows any backbone, relent on cruelty for a moment and make empty promises for the future
6/ Promises of commitment are not forthcoming or acted upon
7/ Threaten violence if victim does not conform
8/ If victim reveals/reports the emotional/psychological/physical abuse, belittle them to authorities ( i.e. new mother/hormones/mentally unbalanced.)
8/ Lie, lie,lie and lie some more
Numb, you are not a person to that bully. His life is about totally controlling yours. You are his property to abuse as he sees fit. His success is reflected in the fact that you say you love him, that you are now isolated, that he has provided a permanent shackle on you nin the form of a precious child, and that you do not want him with anyone else.
Get out now. It will be difficult at first but time and distance will help you see things with more clarity and you will be aghast at the prisoner he made you. He will not change and you won't change him.
Get out now for the sake of your child who is an blank canvas that should never be scrawled upon by a selfish, controlling bully. Find support and advice in womens groups/shelters and/or consult a therapist.
Get out now.
tess33005 wayne1962
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Numb
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The day he came n the police was called he was shouting and threatened me and hit my car a few times but the police wouldn't do anything . It has made me poorly being with him , my anxiety is so bad and depression and I get migraines. Just want a normal family life like everyone else . It frustrates me to why I'm not capable of having one. He started paying for her when I said about going to csa although at first he said he would rather go to court than pay money. He obviously thought about this and pays her 80 pound a month . He's earns quite a bit with his job. I dunno I could go on and on. It's frustrating X
tess33005 Numb
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If he earns 'quite a bit', as you say, then ask the Child Support agency to intervene and get a realistic level of Child Support. You can tell them that he's violent and aggressive and they'll make sure that the pair of you won't have to meet to get this sorted out. Also, try to find a single parents group in your area - also a domestic violence one - try google - I think you'll be surprised at what comes up.
You ARE capable of having a normal family life - but not with this loser.  love Tess
wayne1962 tess33005
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Numb - at the risk of sounding like we have some sort of congratulation club going - Tess is right in raising a very important point.
No matter what shade of beast the father is, he has a financial responsibility for the welfare of the precious life he helped bring into this world. You MUST tell any groups/negotiators that the father is a physical risk to you and the child. If you decide to arrange visits between father and child please make sure it is a controlled visit where there is at least another present - someone on your side. Men of his nature do not take kindly to the arrangements by others for his "property" (you and the baby) and it is the most dangerous time in the aftermath of seperation. Don't arrange to meet alone with him outside the rostered arrangements.
And again, just like Tess said, you WILL have a normal family life. It will take time, and you must allow yourself time to grieve what is lost. You and baby come first always. The right man will come along - we're not all bad.Â
Â
lisalisa67 Numb
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Numb lisalisa67
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Someone said to me the other day arnt I gutted that my life has gone no where , no friends no more no job never go on holiday never go for dinner just me my house my baby n him who still lives with mummy and won't commit to me.
I hear what your saying I just don't no how to answer it at all
Maybe it's just that I fell in love that's kept me here , or I'm scared I'll be on my own forever or no one else would want me.
Frustrates me Coz I was never this person 4 years ago I was out going confident always out with friends always happy and joking about but also happy in my day life doing courses at college etc. I'm 35 years old now! N I've gone backwards n stopped n it scares me. Your question has depressed me lol
lisalisa67 Numb
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jo57386 Numb
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tess33005 Numb
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Try to feel positive - there are other men around who are good people, so you'll hopefully find one some time.
Is your bloke sending messages of apology, and saying he'll never do it again?    Love Tess
Numb tess33005
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I've been asked to see my family today and I'm sitting here not knowing what to do sit at home and look at the walls or get out I feel guilty ya no for going out even if it is just for coffee
lisalisa67 Numb
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