Advice pls

Posted , 6 users are following.

Ok please give me your thoughts 

I am a 47 year old Male and sex drive has gone down over the years weight has gone up and most of the other things  associated with the menopause has happened including a feeling of self confidence 

 I have somehow managed to hide this from my wife for the last 2 1/2 years recently came to light in the bedroom not manage anything at all came out she was angry that I liked her for such a long time which I can understand I explain to her it was hard and frightening for me to try and come to explain this as I don’t feel like a man any more as you ladies have been thought this or are going through this can you please give me some advise as she now saying devorice and I do truly love her she thinks it is a reflection on how I am sexually attracted to her I have told her repeatedly in all the size and shapes she says she has been I have truly never seen anything but her and have always wanted her At all times I am going to  Sexual psychotherapy and to an endocrinologist to get testosterone replacement therapy

Many thanks for any help and advice 

0 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • Posted

    This has all gone down hill over 4 years and yes our physical side was fine before this above average I would say 4 times a week 

  • Posted

    Hello

    I can totally relate to what you are going through, I am 54 and my husband is 53 (or 2) I have lost count! I am.post menopause and I truly believe my husband has had menopausal symptoms in the last few years. Like you he lost his libido (probably when I was about 50) I noticed that he disnt want physical contact so much with me. He has always had quite a high sex drive so for him to cool off from me made me feel like he had gone off me and perhaps there was someone else! I myself have never really had a high sex drive but I missed the physical contact and closeness. He too had gained abit of weight and lost his confidence at work (it didnt help he had to go to another job he hates after being made redundant). It has taken me some time to accept that our physical relationship isnt quite as it was and that im not to blame because he doesnt want to be physical as much

    I dont know what advice to give but I just wanted you to know that you arent alone in feeling this way. Sadly we are just in this hole at the moment where we arent really physical. I did try in the past to take the lead but felt rejected when my husband didnt really respond and he would blame his weight or something..

    • Posted

      Thanks it nice to know I am not alone as there seems to very little for men and lots for women out there and most say no men on the forums so thanks for your words 
    • Posted

      You should get him to go to the doctors it’s only a simple blood test to start the ball rolling it’s cost me my marriage by sticking my head in the sand and it not worth the hurt for that 
    • Posted

      Yes I have said about low testerone before but my husband has always backed away from the doctors but he has recently taken an health mot which I booked. I will persue the testerone therapy. He complains of feeling tired alot of the time and not sleeping well do you suffer from that at all?
    • Posted

      Look I will be blunt as it’s the only way so I’d offend anyone I am sorry 

      Weight gain 

      Can’t sleep well 

      No energy 

      A  Erection is let’s say at half mast 

      I used to have a body that was well  muscled and easy to maintain that has just gone in 5 years 

      I have all the text book Symptoms more or less

      But most worrisome is the lack of self confidence I look at every other man I think they are better than me that my wife would rather be with them than me I know this is my problem but I can’t shake it 

      I hope this helps your husband don’t be ashamed us men hold to much in it 90% of our problem but it easy said than done please surport him as I don’t feel my wife Surport’s me but I have lied for 2 and half years 

    • Posted

      The testosterone test is only done I believe under the Ed tests ( erectile disfunction ) which the doctor I went to ordered separately from the normal ones 

      I hope the hrt for a man works well as I would love to be back to half my function 

  • Posted

    Ashamed,

    My husband is 54 and his libido has dropped and he gained weight too. His started when Inwas going through my worse symptoms. My libido dropped and he said he just stopped caring about sex because I didn’t care about it. He’s faithful and we have a good marriage but we talked about it and that helped. You may want to get a physical though, sometimes it can be a sign of diabetes. Men should have a forum too, I am sure you have changes you go through as well. Good luck to you!

  • Posted

    Hello 

    I’m 48 female and my husband is 39 and I’m Beginning to lose some libido .  All I can say is talk to your wife and reassure her that’s is not her and you are going to see a doctor and include her all aspect in your life and hope she will understand. Just keep going to your doctors. Hugs and we are here 

  • Posted

    Thanks you  ladies for your kind words I am at the doctors had a blood test and getting all the test done needed also going to psychosexual therapy to try and help me with my self-esteem issues in that department On a personal note I noted one of you ladies had a 10 year age gap between you and your partner this is very similar to me I have a 10 year age gap I wife is 10 years younger than me so for her it’s very hard to understand because clearly she still very active in that department I want to be I do you reassure but the liar to me keeping a secret for the last 2 1/2 years she seems to say is too much I will just carry on trying that’s all I can do I do love  on a personal note I noted one of you ladies had a 10 year age gap between you and your partner this is very similar to me I have a 10 year age gap my wife is 10 years old on me sofa her it’s very hard to understand because clearly she still very active in that department or wants to 8 I do reassure but the lies to me keeping a secret from last 2 1/2 years she seems to say is too much I will just carry on trying to  reassure and sort this situation out I do love her to bits  but the deceit I had Maybe too much I just hope of amend my read maybe too much I just hope of a man may read this and learn something 
  • Posted

    There is no reason to be ashamed.  Your wife, on the other hand, is acting like a self-centered child, and seeing what you are going through only in terms of herself.  If anyone needs therapy, it's her.

    Keep up the treatment and the psychotherapy. I know you love her, but as you start feeling better about yourself, you might see her behavior in a different light.  Best of luck to you! xx

    • Posted

      I'm glad they helped.  Please remember that men have a massive amount of testosterone compared to women!  If you have low testosterone, you will suffer from a lack of self-confidence, and even depression, that's not necessarily because you have mental problems.

      I suggest you do some research about low testosterone yourself.  Knowledge is power, and you need to be able to collaborate with your doctor in your treatment, not just open your mouth and let him pop in a pill.  You need to explore the side effects of taking testosterone supplements and determine if taking the drug is worth the risks to your health.  xx

  • Posted

    Yes, just carry on and continue to talk with her.  We are all aging and it's a process. You can also talk with a therapist about this and they would help you to get your self-esteem back.   Try to do something for yourself that makes you feel good-- hobbies?  We have all gained weight and I know it's tough and you mentioned you lost all your muscles..  You can slowly get back into it if you want to. I enjoy swimming and walking. No need to feel ashamed just do what you need to to take care of yourself!!  When I was younger, I never thought I would have any of the 'older people' issues but here I am.  I do my best to research and find a solution or something that helps. This is all we can do to live a happy and healthy life.

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