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Well guys, I feel lucky to have found this site. First of all sorry If I make mistakes, English is not my main language. Well I just don't think I still have fight in me... Well I'm not a freak, I'm a normal person, I hang out with people, I go to college, Im with people, I date... But the thing is I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong or look wrong. It's like I'm feeling what the other person thinks of me and It makes me feel uncomfortable. I was thinking If it is maybe my parents fault... But I don't wanna rush with conclusions.. I am gay btw, and since I was little I gestured and had somewhat gay manners and they were always like: Don't gesture like a girl, walk straight like a man, do this and do that. And my mom was always comparing me with my cousin.. Like I was less of a person than my cousin was. Not saying that my mom is a horrible person, I know she loves me... They don't know Im gay and they are not gay friendly but well that's it. But I think some of the things she did wrong while I was a kid stuck with me, and as a result I'm a very shy and closed person sometimes, well most of the time. I hate myself sometimes that I get embarassed from common situations, and I hate myself that I don't always say my opinion, It suffocates me... I can't get naked in front of someone because I get self conscious. I'm 22 years old and I don't know who I am... Im different when Im with my family and different with other people. I'm just not acting like my natural self ever. It hurts me and sometimes I just feel tired and lay in the bed for hours without any life energy... I am frustrated about the way I look, I've never looked myself in the mirror and said: Wow you are beautiful... I only see flaws...I've tried meditating, but sometimes that frustrates me... I wanted to take pills or something for my depression... I just wanted to share my story...I dunno..
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