afraid to die

i went to the ER yesterday coz i am having stabbing pains on the left side of my chest and my left arm in feeling weak...i thought i am having a heart attack and feeling very anxious...the doctor then examined me and ask for my family history  so in the end he said im having hypertension and unstable angina and prescribed meds for the blood pressure and the chest pains...he said that i would be in that meds for a lifetime now that i have to accept in even at the young age coz i inherited my father's sickness...honestly i am not convinced of the diagnosis coz i failed to mention that my bp isn't really that high on normal days and the chest pains come and go though he also said that if the chest pains come and go it is why it is called unstable angina and it will never go back to normal since i have it already. on normal days my bp range from 120-130/80-100 so that isn't that bad i think...what i think i really need is the reassurance that this is just anxiety...the truth is im afraid to die that's why every weird feeling i get i automatically think that there's something wrong with me, or that i am sick and the "what if's" thoughts came rushing in and my mind is racing...that when my heartbeat started to race, then i fell dizzy and more thoughts will came till i cant contain it and feel like fainting. i can't stop the "what if" thoughts and everytime it stumble my mind it caused me to what i believe are panic attacks...my body is in constant pain: back, neck, head and lims...usually accompanied by numbness and tingling sensations...sometimes there are cold spots in my chest too...i always feel bloated, belching, gagging, stomach pains and sometimes choking feeling...my stomach aches as sson as i finished eating and is usually followed by diarrhea. there are times that i feel so alone even though i am surrounded by family and friends that i know trully cared for me... and i have trouble sleeping since i got this weird feelings...i am afraid to sleep whenever i feel these symptoms coz i'm afraid i will never be able to wake up again... i tried laying down and deep breathing whenever i feel my hertbeat in starting to race and it helps a bit...reading also helps as it takes my mind out of what i am currently thinking...i tried taking melatonin 3mg last night and i don't think it is good for me as all i can feel if my head is spinning and i wake up every hour...we are trying to get an appointment to a psychiatrist on april 4 hoping they can tell me what's going on coz i feel like i can't deal with thgis no more and feel like losing my mind...and i hate it! i just want it to stop now coz i can't be myself...i want to try doing exercise but i am afraid it will make my heartbeat faster or even cause a heart attack...also whenever i go out..i feel dizzy that's why i stay in most of the time...i have difficulty concentrating and seems like my mind is at random thinking of all kinds of thing..most of it makes me anxious too! can anyone please give me a good advice on how to deal or lessen this until i get checked by someone or therapy coz i feel like i am loosing it...

0 likes, 70 replies