Afraid to die and afraid to live life like normal people do.

type in Google, anxiety linked with intelligence! A report will come up which links anxiety and high iq,  a Dr reports that anxiety is what evolves us as humans and without the worriers the human race would not be where we are!  It also mentions that people suffer gad are more likely to preserve there family's than non sufferers.  Now this sounds mad becouse your the odd one feeling pain others don't and can probably that lead you to things that others wouldn't!   The reason I mention this is becouse your post like most other real sufferers is putting your family in front of you,  your worry may be based on leaving these guys and not being abnormal as other parents are breezing it along!  Maybe I read you wrong but your concerns are for good in life and preserving something.  Your anxiety may manifests in self abuse ways but your intentions are correct and connecting with your real fears may help you handle yourself.   Take. Some pride in the fact your are caring even though it's manifesting itself in self destruct.

might be totally wrong but hope you accept a bit of advice from fellow sufferer

Correct it does, and your anxietys are real!  Don't medicate to deal with real issues and take sol lice in the fact that you care.  Trust me I know situations and people and I have learnt myself, I have been a bad boy ten times over and I ain't perfect now. But your strength in convictions is you!  These days everybody feels abnormal for not reacting in a Socially normal way.   That don't make you damaged that makes the surrounding parties blind, keep your integrity and core being and all the other pains will let you sleep at night,

also (going back to your post). It's hard to feel normal when ppl can watch tv and relax or chat to people you can't be bothered with, or feel instantly comfortable in situations that unnerve you.  But please don't mistake general comfort and ease with being normal. Correct you may feel odd sometimes when you feel you shouldn't. But them same friends and surrounding parties need you to show them the reality of how it is.  Life is a balance and having strength in your convictions will scare people,  but don't put a lid on it otherwise you will explode, teach them a little bit, becouse I ain't being funny someone who thinks a lot ahead. I'm goin on soz