After a big day, I want to give a little thanks..

Posted , 7 users are following.

Or a 'big' thanks actually.

Today was the day that I officially graduated from University, it is also the day that one year ago...I was terrifyingly violated and attacked. 

I became so depressed following the attack and found solace on this site. It was so hard going to University and working on a dissertation with so much going on in my mind. I hated myself, I didn't want to live, I self harmed every day and I didn't see how I would make it to the end of the day let alone year. 

But, I did it. 

I graduated, I finished University and I moved away. 

I'd love to say all is great now but unfortunately I am still battling depression on a daily basis however, for today - I want to take away the negativity that I usually spout and thank everyone on this site who has listened to me, supported me and guided me throughout the last twelve months. I never thought I would find such insightful and caring people but I am so glad I did as without you all, I do not know that I would have made it this far. 

There is a very long road ahead of me (of all of us) but, together we are making it, step by step; day by day. 

Thank you and all of my love

Fee xxx

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  • Posted

    Just do what many of us do , take each part of the day as it comes , for some they can get motivated quicker then others in going out , mixing with friends , family , others are slower ( like myself ) , medication can suit some but not others so we often find ourselves changing AD's until we find that one that suits our body and mind , you are doing really well but don't rush things , if you need some "Me" time then make sure you have some time to yourself , don't let anyone who doesn't understand depression , anxiety , etc get you down - they are not worth it . Depression , etc is a challenge in life - some can beat it , others cannot but cope with it . Please take care and well done on getting this far xxx
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    • Posted

      I feel I can't beat It, 3 weeks now of

      Sertraline, 2 months of sever depression and anxiety, you say it took a year and still not good, I feel doomed, I've got kids , feeling I want to just die everyday is no way to live.

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    • Posted

      Hi lattifa 3 weeks isn't very long to be on a new med so give it more time to start really working.  If after 5/6 weeks you don't feel any change maybe the dose needs upping or you would be better off on another med.   I had to try 2 before I found sertraline.  I started off on 100mg but went up to 150mg and now I feel quite a lot better.   Most people can be helped by meds (not all I must admit) so hang on love and have hope.  Bev x
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    • Posted

      Thank you Bev, its hard, I keep thinking ill be one of those that cant be helped, oh god its so hard, thank u for your kind reassurance, I will try and keep positive 😢
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    • Posted

      My antidepressants have been put up Venlafaxine 225mg in the morning , Venlafaxine 75mg night time , Mirtzapine 45mg night time along with Phenergan which the doctor gives me to take as well as and when i need it , i have never had Sertraline so i cannot really comment on that but i have had over 17 years a variety of AD , you need to go to your doctor , explain how you are feeling , this past year i have been under the local CMHT - sometimes they help other times i feel worse , have been in hospital a few times this past year with OD's , in July i was diagnosed with a physical illness which came as a shock to me as there was no reason for me to have it ( CT scan could not reveal where it originated from ) so my mental health went down hill further , i OD again then i got the team leader taking on my case at the CMHT - he has been very good , if i am feeling suicidal he will come here to talk to me , take away any medication i have leaving me with just a weeks worth , i get flashbacks from something that happened in August which has caused a major problem as it means i have unsettled sleep or like last night i didn't sleep at all because of a upset i had yesterday with someone i didn't know at the CMHT ( my chap is on leave this week ) - a lady who wasn't very nice while talking to me on the phone so i ended the call with her as i cannot cope with phones , strangers i don't know , was shaking all over when i ended call with her , took me all afternoon to settle just a little bit , i find that i am going one step forward , two steps back and because of what happened yesterday , not having the gentleman who i normally see has made me write a suicide letter today , most mental health workers are understanding to phobias like mine but you get some who are just not nice . I am early 50's now so i am not bothered if i live or not but you have children , they need you , 3 weeks is not long enough for a medication to make any noticable changes in your mood , this i know because of the medication i am on hasn't lifted my mood even at the higher dose , it can take time to find the right type of tablet that suits you , go and see your doctor to ask if there is any therapy available in your area , if your doctor is not very understanding then see if you can see another one in your surgery . You can get some useful brochures from MIND charity - Understanding Depression , etc , they are very interesting , you can find them on their webpage .please take care , you will probably find others on this forum will be able to help you more then i can xxx
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    • Posted

      Thank you Maria, I know the feeling of just wanting to die, and yes you are right I have lovely children, they are my world, but I feel guilty as they deserve better, I never was like this untill 2 moths ago!! I really feel for you, you are on lots of meds and it doesnt seem to be working?? I'm on the waiting list for CBT, I have told my Dr, and she is the only Dr I like, I moved a year ago, and changed surgery, I wish I stayed with my old surgery, had a really good Dr there. Maria, plz dont say that you dont care about living, I dont know if you have family or friends, but I want you to fight and stay alive and one day come through this as I'm sure anyone else on here who has read your words will agree. Plz be strong and show me and others it can be done. Xx
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    • Posted

      Don't ever feel guilty about the way you feel as long as your children have your love , that they feel safe in your arms - that is all a child needs - your protection of them against the bad stuff in the world . That is good that your doctor understands how you feel , is good at her job - that is sometimes rare in this day and age even with all the news coverage of mental health illness , i saw a male psychiatrist at the CMHT and i didn't like him , he was watching my every facial impression , i have problem with breathing when i am anxious and he would make comments on that , he lowered my night time tablet , his unkind comments in his report he did each month to my doctor ( i got copies ) made me dread going to see him , he has moved recently to another CMHT in the county and i was so relieved - he told me once that any emails i sent to the CMHT would be ignored despite the distress i had over that - i had to ring the centre even though they were fully aware that i have a phobia just answering a unknown caller on my phone .they have a lady there now as psychiatrist and as soon as i walked into the room it was different , a more relaxing air to it - she didn't sit at the desk making notes like the man did ,the lady psychiatrist was much younger then the man - he must have been in his 60's , it is important to have a good patient , doctor relationship in order to be able to express your concerns , etc . CBT is good as you will be able to explore why you started feeling like you do , talk through positive thoughts against the negative thoughts , yes i have family and friends who have been along side me these past months and i do try and be positive but sometimes those who are there to help you don't understand some problems we have like speaking on the phone - i just got told that i would get used to it - they didn't suggest that they would ring me - for me to answer the phone then suggest - let me know they are just going to ring so i can prepare myself for it , the gentlemani am seeing now allows me to email him and he emails me so all good there , but that nasty women who rang me yesterday was so blunt in her talking - very unsettled me . I tend to watch television . dvds when i am home until i feel sleepy enough to go to sleep , do colouring in Colouring Books for Grown-ups - they are good at easing my anxieties - i often do those prior to home visits , i did some in the car last week when the gentleman who is seeing me took me to the centre to see the new psychiatrist and the psychiatrist was impressed . You take care , you will get through this , focus on your children , if you are still concerned about the medication then your doctor can up the dosage or find a different one that may suit you better , we are all different and we all act differently where tablets , etc are concerned , thinking of you xx
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  • Posted

    Aw bless you Fee.  I am so glad you made it and managed to graduate with all that you have to deal with.   I feel like a proud 'parent' smile   Good on you.  Onwards and upwards now.  Love Bev xx
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    • Posted

      Thank you Bev <3 

      you have been a constant means of support to me for the past few months and i appreciate it so much!! 

      thank you for all you have done, i hope that you are well smile xxx you="" have="" been="" a="" constant="" means="" of="" support="" to="" me="" for="" the="" past="" few="" months="" and="" i="" appreciate="" it="" so="" much!! ="" thank="" you="" for="" all="" you="" have="" done,="" i="" hope="" that="" you="" are="" well="" smile="">

      you have been a constant means of support to me for the past few months and i appreciate it so much!! 

      thank you for all you have done, i hope that you are well smile xxx>

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    • Posted

      You are welcome Fee.  I am very proud of you (that's not meant to sound patronising - I really mean it).

      My depression ok at the moment thanks,  but did my back in a week ago and only just now starting to recover a bit.    x

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    • Posted

      Aw thank you so much smile I honestly don't think that I would have made it to graduation without the support of yourself and many others on this group and for that I am truly thankful! x

      I'm sorry to hear that rolleyes I hope you make a full recovery soon! Physical injuries always make things worse! xx

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    • Posted

      You are more than welcome fee.   I wish the internet had been available when I was at Uni back in the 80's.   I know how stressed this makes you feel and I used to be the same then.  

      Back is improving thanks - but not fast enough for me!!   bev x

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  • Posted

    Well done FEE...you are very very COURAGEOUS, it is awful what happened to you...I understand ( I was violently r...d twice..).

    You will never forget but you will learn to live with it.....bravo...big warm hugs to you lovey.xxx Deirdre xxx

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    • Posted

      Dear lattifa, oh bless you...sertraline can be very effective....I have been on 200 mgs for very many years...they literally saved my life...please don't give up on them yet...they take a while to have their full effect....in the meantime, please tell your GP just how terrible you feel, he may be able to offer you other forms of help...I so feel for you lovey.. but don't lose heart....in my THOUGHTS and. Prayers.....big, warm and sincere hugs.....Deirdre xxxx
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    • Posted

      Thank you Deidre for your kind words, I have told the Dr how I'm feeling, and I've been to a& e feeling suicidal, but they all say need to wait for meds to work. They gave me a bit of diazipam to calm me , but Dr said she will not be giving me anymore, I just want my life back, me back, for the sake of my kids, its just despair,I'm onj 50mg dose of sertraline, 3 weeks now, I feel okish in the evenings, but I dont sleep! I'm scared of AD, I dont know what ill do if these dont work, I'm so scared
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    • Posted

      Dear lattifa..try not to. be worried about antidepressants, they are very safe and used by many....once you get used to sertraline, the dosage can be increased....you must make your doctor realize just how BAD YOU FEEL...casualty also..also I cannot understand why the Dr will not prescribe you more diazepam...if it helps, then you need it...I wish you well..and peace of mind...bless you...big, big warm hugs to YOU LOVEY...Deirdre xxx
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    • Posted

      Thank you very much Deirdre smile 

      Being attacked in that way is devastating and it feels like you will never gain any self respect or hope back but, there are positive days. You have helped me a lot. Thank you <3 xxx>

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    • Posted

      Hey Lattifa, Sertraline can take at least 5 weeks to start making a difference - sometimes you have to try a few different meds to find one that works. I hope it starts to improve for you, are you having counselling? 
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    • Posted

      Yes, I asked for it, came back normal, but I'm now thinking is it to do with my mirena coil coming to an end?? As I've read about this. Thanks fee xx
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