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I'm a 36 year-old (very old) woman. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression basically all my life, since I was 17. Therapy and medication helped me during my 20's, as well as having two (consecutive) stable relationships.
After the end of my long-standing relationship two years ago, things have been going downhill, in a downward spiral that is sucking me in, gradually clawing at everything I once was, leaving me feeling a mere shadow of my former self. I have stopped taking my antidepressants around three years ago, without consulting my therapist (who, in the meantime, had pretty much abandoned me) quite abruptly. It was one of the worst decisions of my life. I had a severe withdrawal syndrome that left me with the impossible decision of either starting a therapy with antipsychotic drugs (the possible side effects of which do nothing but increase my anxiety) or getting worse everyday, alienating friends and family from my life. I'm too terrified to take the antipsychotic drugs, but my current therapist - though understanding my concerns - has nothing else to offer as a solution.
I feel constantly suicidal but, like many other people living my predicament, don't have the strength to follow through in my pursuit. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again.
Everything I cherished, loved, was passionate about doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I've grown to be just a weight in my loved ones' lives; they can't put up with me a moment longer.
I have been meeting only horrible, horrible people over the past two years: stalkers, people who have taken advantage of me and then left me when I wasn't needed anymore, people I thought were my friends or were interested in having a semblance of a relationship with me, but then disappeared.
I feel too old to start over; I have no motivation whatsover to do so. Please, please help me.
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