Am I a bad person?

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Ive been extremely depressed for some time now and its taking all my energy to carry on with uni without failing.

I have two friends who I became very close with last year but they don't get on well with my flatmates (itit's a long story). I have tried to stay out of this as much as possible and continue seeing my two friends as much as possible but as my depression got worse all ive had the energy to do is occassionally drag myself into uni and sleep. As a result I havent been speaking too or seeing my friends as much, and that means all my friends not just them two. I have told them that I have depression In the past and one of them is a mental health nurse. Despite this, when I became more illusive because of how low I was feeling I recoeved texts from them saying have you forgotten about us..to which I said no and explained I just felt low.

Then a week later I went home for christmas without seeing them before I left and I recieved a text saying that I had "been a dick recently". Thats when I had it out and explained how low I had been feeling and laid it all out on the table and apologised. I cried the whole way home on the train because I felt so bad and it nearly sent me over the edge. But I still didnt get an apology from them or a "I understand" they just changed the conversation And brushed it under the carpet.

Since then

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  • Posted

    Sorry it broke..but since then I have TRIED to see them every week and maintain contact but over the laat couple of weeks I sank even lower and have not spoken to anyone.

    Now they've text me again saying "so are you just ignoring us then?" And deleted me from the group message!!

    It sounds really childish I know but its really getting me down. Am I a bad person?

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  • Posted

    From what you've said I don't think you're a bad person at all. I think you've been very brave and considerate of them by opening up and telling them how you are feeling when all you really wanted to do was hide away.

    I'm really sorry they haven't been more understanding. I guess it's more difficult for people to sympathise and understand when they can't see the reason for you feeling down (or comprehend that there is no specific reason). For instance, I doubt they would act the same way if they knew you were feeling low because you just lost a relative or had had a physical illness. I suspect they do care about you (and obviously want to see you and have more contact with you) but just don't understand how you're feeling.

    If it is a case of simple ignorance on their part maybe you could point them in the direction of some websites that explain depression and how to help people going through it? Maybe try explaining once more that it's nothing against them, you're feeling low and would appreciate their understanding and support (or at least appreciate them not having a go at you for not being in touch).

    If things still don't improve it may be time to find some more understanding friends as I'm sure those kinds of comments aren't helping you right now.

    Take care of yourself x

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  • Posted

    I agree with Michelle too!  I am 57, and I've had depression and anxiety on and off for a number of years.  I have generally found that some people just don't understand but also that there are always people around, sometimes people you would least expect who do understand and who can be very supportive.  I hope you have seen a doctor and are getting some help that way, also do your family understand?  Some people can be very unkind so it may be wisest to let them go.

    Please try and get some help from a doctor, you don't have to take tablets if you don't want to, but there are things like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that can help you.  Good luck.  Your doing well to still be doing your uni course.

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