Am I crazy, overly sensitive? Weak or depressed? I'm desperate for feedback please

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I'm 23 years old diagnosed with both hypothyroidism & endometriosis my period's a bitch a bloody beast I have every symptom in the book for endo & dysmenorrhea and they're all extreme and I suffer with great agnony from each one of them every.single.damn.month there is without a doubt an uncannily distinct pattern with the two weeks before my period and my unfortunate inevitable evolution to becoming ill, sick to my heart, fed up, extremely short tempered, exhausted, an awfully cranky moody insomniac beast on the verge of being bipolar to say the least I cry for no reason all i cry for thee dumbest reason and I'm exceptionally good at reminding myself how much my endometriosis condition has intervened with my life and ruined it and ruined me along the way and with my low thyroid and my ever thinning falling out hair and significant weight gain of 40+ pounds has drained every last drop of confidence and self-esteem from me before I knew it I became so drawn back stuck in an endless whirlwind that keeps pulling me back, further down deep into failure and hopelessness and defeat and it just seems to be an ongoing struggle for me and it's wearing me out terribly my thyroid level keeps going down no 6 months would go by when I get an adjustment to the hormone replacement drug called Levothyroxine two months ago I got bumped up AGAIN and I don't see the "getting better me".... all

I get so alone and anxious or stressed or depressed and it kills me bloodtests show no stress levels yet I feel that I'm one hell of a disturbed overwhelmed human being I tried vitamin B complex supplements and positive thinking but all I see is a scared frustrated tired alone soul and society has these standards for women to be happy go lucky all pink and rainbows and latty-daauh >_< it just doesn't happen and i find myself going about a routine of a life seeing that people around me are either incapable of supporting me if they know how i really feel and love me so much that they are unable to see me in any kind of pain and discomfort so if i'm honest it will throw a whole dynamic out of whack and then there are people who love me less but don't have empathy or compassion in them to merely begin to fathom and or understand or feel or empathize with me whatsoever and finally the salt to the wond and the insult to injury are the ones who care to know just enough about you so they can judge you and ridicule your pain mock your weakness abuse your kindness and loyalty celebrate your down time frown upon your happy times and best of all use your down time to help raise themselves some more into further arrogance and abnoxiousness i took care of everybody but i forgot myself and it hurts yet i tell myself i deserve it what the hell is wrong with me? anyone remotely relate to a word i typed in this absurdly pathetic rant? it="" just="" doesn't="" happen="" and="" i="" find="" myself="" going="" about="" a="" routine="" of="" a="" life="" seeing="" that="" people="" around="" me="" are="" either="" incapable="" of="" supporting="" me="" if="" they="" know="" how="" i="" really="" feel="" and="" love="" me="" so="" much="" that="" they="" are="" unable="" to="" see="" me="" in="" any="" kind="" of="" pain="" and="" discomfort="" so="" if="" i'm="" honest="" it="" will="" throw="" a="" whole="" dynamic="" out="" of="" whack="" and="" then="" there="" are="" people="" who="" love="" me="" less="" but="" don't="" have="" empathy="" or="" compassion="" in="" them="" to="" merely="" begin="" to="" fathom="" and="" or="" understand="" or="" feel="" or="" empathize="" with="" me="" whatsoever="" and="" finally="" the="" salt="" to="" the="" wond="" and="" the="" insult="" to="" injury="" are="" the="" ones="" who="" care="" to="" know="" just="" enough="" about="" you="" so="" they="" can="" judge="" you="" and="" ridicule="" your="" pain="" mock="" your="" weakness="" abuse="" your="" kindness="" and="" loyalty="" celebrate="" your="" down="" time="" frown="" upon="" your="" happy="" times="" and="" best="" of="" all="" use="" your="" down="" time="" to="" help="" raise="" themselves="" some="" more="" into="" further="" arrogance="" and="" abnoxiousness="" i="" took="" care="" of="" everybody="" but="" i="" forgot="" myself="" and="" it="" hurts="" yet="" i="" tell="" myself="" i="" deserve="" it="" what="" the="" hell="" is="" wrong="" with="" me?="" anyone="" remotely="" relate="" to="" a="" word="" i="" typed="" in="" this="" absurdly="" pathetic="" rant?="">

1 like, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    hi you will be ok just go to your doctors
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  • Posted

    Whew! I hope getting all that out helped a little bit. Of course most people don't know what you're going through ... only you know your own story, your own body, and your own mind. I do hope that you are under a doctor's care because I know there are cures for at least the physical symptoms you are experiencing. Talking to people about how you feel will definitely help ... just stay away from negative (snap-out-of-it) types.
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  • Posted

    Hi this is not absurd or pathetic and I bet you feel better having got this off your chest don't you?  

    I do feel for you having chronic health conditions especially at so young an age and I don't know how you cope with it.

    Unfortunately there are always people who want to knock you in life and put you down - it's pathetic and just makes them feel better.  The answer is as far as possible to stay away from people like that or rehearse a couple of sharp retorts to say to them.   Don't tell anyone you don't know or trust about your health conditions.  If you have to for some reason don't go into any detail as you don't owe anyone any explanations do you?

    Be more selfish and concentrate on putting yourself first instead of others sometimes and be your own best friend.

    I will give you a good example of this - I suffer from a skin disease which causes abcesses and can make me limp.   I only tell people I trust about this as otherwise I would get all the jokes and laughter from those who want to make fun of me.  I tell them I am just tired or have a bad back.

    The only other thing I will say is that regardless of your own problems everyone else has them too and some give is essential to those you love - it can't be all take.   Not saying you do that but just it is something to be aware of.  

    I hope this helps a bit.  Bev x      

     

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    • Posted

      It ansal did bev thank you so much it was never about taking at all I've always been a giving person but it's about time to get a tad selfish and focus in getting/ feeling better otherwise that'll be the biggest disservice to myself thanks again @):-
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    • Posted

      You are welcome love.   Treat yourself to the care and attention you would normally give to others ie be your own best friend.  I have found that in life you can only ever rely on yourself and a bit of selfishness is essential for your own happiness.  And don't forget that if you are happier then so is everyone around you.   It has a knock on effect.  Take care  Bev xx
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  • Posted

    Hello Madmoiselle,

    I hope, like Ellen (again) she's pretty clued up, that after writing all this down you may feel like some weight has lifted from your shoulders. Paul, tho blunt, does have a point that your doctor should be able to be help with the physical symptoms. It's easy to say you'll be fine but the only one who knows how your coping is you. Don't worry your not crazy, Overly sensitive.

    The fact your aware of what is happening, makes you the strongest person. Never ever feel your weak hun. X

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  • Posted

    Hi mademoiselle,

    hypothyroidism is a difficult one, as it's often under treated. Docs will often prescribe to get you to the baseline of the normal range rather than any higher, and if your levels are constantly dropping it could be that you aren't taking enough T4, which could account for really quite low moods. Could you go back to your GP or contact your endocrinologist and tell them everything you've said here about your spiralling mood? I'm sure that the 6 month gap is a maintenance period on the assumption that the treatment is working, and they wouldn't object if you said it's not and you need to see them urgently. It might be worth getting a T4 test from your GP so that there's no delay once you see the endocrinologist. I assume someone has investigated whether there is a reason your thyroid is under-performing? Have you had T3 tests as well? 

    Perhaps you could ask where in the normal range your T4 is, and suggest that as you keep dropping out of the normal range between appointments that they prescribe to push you to the top of the range so that if you drop you will not become unwell? Perhaps keep a diary of symptoms?

    Do be assertive with doctors (without being confrontational) because no-one will care about your health as much as you do. If you find a doctor is unsympathetic ask to see a different one.

    For now, don't worry about being 'crazy/ over-sensitive/etc' and try to get your biochemistry stable. If you're still acting like a loon after that come back and join the rest of us! I suspect you won't be, and that a lot of these thoughts will go once your hormones are corrected. 

    I completely sympathise with not being able to talk to anyone about your mood; I've been protecting people from myself forever. There's usually one person who will give you a hug if you say you're feeling low, but I tend to save the real misery for the doctors (or forums). It's pretty isolating but better than losing people.

    Is Mirena or tranexamic acid a possibility with endometriosis? Either would lighten your flow. 

    Good luck with the doctors and let us know how it goes x

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    • Posted

      As for you my friend the things you said have hit home for me because A I will be changing endocrinologist the prize following me thrives in philosophically elaborating rather irrelevant aspects to simple questions I ask about my condition and he always follows his own suspicions and bias then later on he's proven otherwise to me that doesn't seem professional to say the least so definitely changing to one of the best endocrinologists in my city very prominent in his field and I'm excited about that I have an amazing gynecologist following me as well and THANK YOU for understanding me that's exactly what it's like for me preferring to open up here rather than hurting anyone else

      According to the most recent bloodtests I am in normal range for both T3 & T4 and after three months of the new dosage there already is an improvement with my levels hopefully I'll soon begin to see that reflect in the symptoms I've shared with you all here

      I'll discuss my treatment plan this September with my gynecologist as I'm still recovering from a recent Diagnostic Laperoscopy for endo i'ma suggest both of the drugs you mentioned as well as some other ones that I came across in my research and we'll see where that goes

      Thank you a million Claudia, as far as I'm concerned you are a saint and your words were exactly what I needed to read at such sensitive time may you be graciously rewarded for your kindness my dear in genuinely appreciate what you've done for me <3 >

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