Am I depressed?
Posted , 4 users are following.
I was 18 when I got pregnant. My partner and I had been together for 5 years now. He cheated on me many times and always sorry whenever i found out about it. Then I started to change. I don't know how it happened. I just became more and more thoughtless in everthing. Like I could not care less even if he insults and verbally harrass me every chance he gets telling me that I am a very numb person and he is ashamed of me. From what I can remember I adored him so much before. I tried to my best not to anger him. But he always explodes with every small mistake I make. I just don't know anymore. I think i'll go crazy. Am I depressed?
1 like, 6 replies
frazzled allyson11662
Posted
The entire affair seems depressing but I think you're on the right path. Detachment sometimes is a self defense mechanism so that you can't be hurt any more by him. I think your feelings are prob. very natural under the circumstances.
Sounds like he has a problem that he's not dealing with but you're doing well. Don't let it get you down. You seem very strong.
Take care of you.
allyson11662 frazzled
Posted
Thank you.. He does not seem to understand me no matter how much I try to explain myself. He Just gets angry and insult me telling me I am worthless. What scares me is that sometimes I belive him. That I am that kind of person. I am avoiding depression because I am a mother of two kids. There's no other choice but to be strong. I just needed to get this outta my chest. *sigh
srk904471 allyson11662
Posted
you are right.
You got to keep calm and strong, no matter what happens externally. take care of yourself please, by being happy and free of worries. love yourself unconditionally. and of course, be reasonable in behaviour. and expect same from him. mistakes are part of life. it is ok to make mistakes. But problem is that of net emotional deficit in your relationship balance position.
Try to put some love and cheerfulness into actions. why? because that is what life is. and dont expect in return. This is for sake of your own mind. If u can, though very difficult, it will be so much better.
At same time , find some activity that u can fall in love with.
What I mean is, there should some source of love and happiness in your life.
to summarize, You heart must be center/source of happiness and love , irrespective of externals and circumstances. It is easier said than done. this is very difficult but may give it a try.
Of course, no doubt, you are right and free of any blame.
what i have stated is some steps to improve situation , and way out of numbness (which is put by nature in you to avoid shocks & pains due to his bad behaviour) and make your heart a channel for flow of love.
relax and dont worry. take it easy.
allyson11662 srk904471
Posted
srk904471 allyson11662
Posted
you got to protect yourself from that toxicity which is around so often.
only by being happy, you can give happiness to kids.
:-)
wayne1962 allyson11662
Posted
Hi Allyson - of course you are numb. You have developed that as a survival strategy. Depression? Why not? You are suffering endless ridicule from an intimate other. Your first step is to get support for you - a therapist, counsellor or psychologist. The next step is to separate your self from him. Get away from him. You deserve better than this. Don't believe it when he tells you otherwise. You have to change the dynamic here. It may seem difficult, but each step will become easier as you forge a new future for yourself. Go for it. You will look back and wonder how you let anyone diminish you like this. Use the rage.