Am i depressed and have anxiety? Please help me.

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I apologize for the length but please read all of it; 

So this is how everything triggered; 

I made a mistake in my relationship about 3 months ago and when I told my bf, he cried and because I hurt him so much, it brought on a massive amount of guilt and so on, (no i didn't cheat). I couldn't eat for days, was severely depressed to the point where I couldn't think about anything other than taking my life. I didn't eat s**t for days and was constantly crying and very sensitive when I was around him cuz, you know, I hurt him. So now.. the guilt has passed (returns occasionally), but I'm stuck feeling depressed and anxious ALL the time. It's like I'm programmed to feel this way, that what had happened was so traumatic that it stayed within me. Kinda like that.

Here's what i feel and deal with everyday now; I'm anxious around and thinking about certain things with my bf, (which I've never done before anything happened). I have bad obsessive thoughts about my health, like that I have cancer, even thinking I'm going bald because the stress lately has been making my hair fall out. I'm pretty sure I am going bald cuz my hair is breaking off too much. I have a fast heart rate almost 24/7. I don't enjoy doing things I used to enjoy doing. I have so much damn trouble getting up to eat, or to even eat at all. I constantly think about taking my life, fantasizing about putting a gun in my mouth.. and how much easier life would be when I'm dead. When I think about my future, Its blank.. it used to be filled with plans with my boyfriend. Now it's just blank... like i won't exist in the future. I'm starting to sleep less and less. I worry so much about everything. My brain NEVER catches a break anymore. I'm always thinking thinking thinking. One thought to the next to another thought. I feel horrible. Part of me thinks, I don't have any problems... and that everything I think it's 100% true. 😞

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Chantal so sorry that you are having so much pain and yes it does sound like anxiety and depression though I am no doctor. I think that you need to call a counselor and consider antidepressants. Especially since you cannot eat and now it's affecting your sleep. I would get appointments as fast as possible. You cannot have done anything bad enough to go down as fast as you are. Give yourself a break Chantal all of us make mistakes I lived the first of my life trying not to make mistakes trying to be perfect and I nearly went nuts. I did not think I could stand any negative consequences. You are just like the rest of us! Human. Cut yourself some slack. Can you make amends some way to your bf? There has to be something that you can do to make an amend but first things first is stop your spiral downward!! Will you call the pros and get back to us? Diane

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    • Posted

      I went to a doctor and told her my symptoms but she said she won't refer me because I need a family doctor for a referral. I don't have one and it's hard to get a spot if you call one because they're not always accepting new patients 

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  • Posted

    Chantal I understand we use to have that kind of insurance system. Can you start calling and call until you get in with a primary doctor. Tell them it is urgent!! Well you get back to us and let us know how you are doing?? Diane
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  • Posted

    Hi Chantal - sorry to read of your situation. Are you still with your boyfriend?
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    • Posted

      Hi again Chantal. I take it that you are not having any relief from when you first wrote in. Are you still having thoughts of taking your life? Have you started the process of trying to get a primary doctor. Are you in the UK? Can you go to an emergency room at the hospital? I'm sorry to throw so many questions at you but it's my way of wrapping my arms around you and giving you a hug. Have you told your boyfriend how very seriously depressed you are? Chantal he is still with you he obviously cares about you. Try working on getting to a doctor. Please. Will you keep us posted. We all care. Diane

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