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Am i depressed or not?

Posted , 3 users are following.

anna42310
anna42310

Hi

ive suffered serverly in the past with depression n alcohol abuse n self harming. I came off medication 4 years ago now. Ive had a traumatic past but felt i had pushed that to the back of my mind.

im now happily married have 2 small children 3 n 16 months.

problem im having is my hv n gp think im depressed again but im not sure.

some days i struggle n some days i think im fine.

but ii feel constantly spaced out. Have no energy to play with kids. Obviously i tend to all their needs but dont feel like playing taking them out etc. 

im often turning to drink once the kids r in bed to help me feel better about my stressful day

I feel irritable all the time

im also thinking about self harming again but have managed to fight the urge so far

im so confused as if i have people with me ie husband etc the black fog seems to lift a bit.

any advice would be lovely

 

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • kalax
    kalax anna42310

    Posted

    Stop seeing the drink as a stress free way it wont help with your past history I have a 2 and half year old and it's stressful so I can't imagine having to young kids my first advice is if when your partner is of work take some time out for your self even for and hour somethink you enjoy mine is my music and each time you have free time make sure you do somethink you enjoy it's hard and if your feeling down you need anythink to lift your spirit drink is really not your answer. If you feel your urges are strong how did you help with it the last time you suffered with it maybe go back to your doctors and see if you can speak to someone it's easy to speak to your partner but talking to someone new who keeps it professional I found was best for me they listen and you may come across what is making you feel like this I hope you find a way to shift this feeling and will soon be able to enjoy doing more stuff with your children x 
  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman anna42310

    Posted

    Hi Anna, 

    I think that it sounds like you are falling into depression again. But it's great that you have noticed earlier. The black shouldn't have to "lift" when your husband is around for example, it shouldn't be there at all! And definitely irritability, turning to alcohol, the urges for self harm, feeling spaced out - those are all symptoms of depression. Tell your husband/someone you can trust. Consider seeing a doctor and telling them how you feel and perhaps getting cognitive behavioural therapy and/or medication. 

    All the best,

    anonymousgirl

    PS We are here for you! Hope you feel better soon! Welldone on getting to this stage so far and beating depression before, you can do it again! :D xx Keep in touch and let us know how  you get on! :D  

  • anna42310
    anna42310

    Posted

    I've been to the docs and they have prescribed me Fluoxetine 20mg and referred me to a mental health team. Problem is I don't want either of these. I don't really know what I want but I don't like the idea of tricking my mind with pills but I also don't want to drag up my past sad

    I still feel quite low. I feel like everything is happening around me n I'm not in control. I found myself self harming last night I've scratched my leg. Why I don't know n I regret it now! 

    • AnonymousWoman
      AnonymousWoman anna42310

      Posted

      Anna, it's OK and it is quite normal to resist help but trust  me, things will be better once you start to deal with them. It's scary and I know you feel out of control but this will help you regain control of your life. 

      Therapy can be really enlightening and positive. I used to look forward to therapy every week. It's a time to be listened to without being judged, realise and work through some emotions and learn how to avoid having those emotions by changing your thinking patterns.

      Things will get better. Try to stay calm, talk positively to yourself " I can do this", "Things will get better" "I'm here and I'm OK." "I'm alive and I am me and that's OK" etc. and just try and stick with taking your meds and going to therapy. It's for the best. 

      I was scared of going on meds in case I'd get depressed but they did actually really help and  I have never found myself tempted to abuse my medication in any way. And don't worry it's not, "tricking your mind" at all, you will still be fully able to think for yourself, the meds will just help lift that black fog a bit and help you see things in a more positive light!! 

      Stay strong and stay calm. We are here for you 

      anonymousgirl

  • anna42310
    anna42310

    Posted

    Thanks for the quick reply.

    I think it's all the side effects that are putting me off the tablets their are sooooo many.

    I'm sitting here at the moment thinking that perhaps I'm not depressed perhaps I'm ok. 

    This has all gotten out of hand it originally started by me telling the health visitor I was struggling with the children n now somehow I've ended up being diagnosed with depression n being prescribed pills and therapy n now back to self harming! 

    What I it's all just got out of hand but really I'm fine but I've forgotten what fine feels like coz everyone is saying I'm not fine?! Does that make sense?

  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman anna42310

    Posted

    I think if you are starting to self harm again, that you are depressed. The reason why you're doing it now, even though you hadn't been recently and even though you've just started with therapy and meds is that it's like cleaning a wound out, it stings at first, but it'll help the wound to heal. That's the way I see it anyways. Therapy and medication are not so easy at the start but it does get easier. 

    Stick with it! And chat to your doc about side effects if you are worried about them! You will be alright! 

    And in the meantime, we're here to help you get through

    anonymousgirl

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