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Am I struggling or have I convinced myself I'm struggling?

Posted , 4 users are following.

ellzbellz
ellzbellz

Hey everyone I'm new here and this is my first post which i'll try and make as brief as possible but need to explain how I've been. i'm on a long waiting list for counselling and need help and direction while waiting.  I'm not too sure how to begin but thanks in advance

So basically cut long story short, I'm 19 y/o male and i've been so up and down with my mental health for the past few years. when i was in secondary school i struggled fitting in a bit and remember being fairly timid and anxious (i've been that way since i can remember) however nothing too debilitating really... my friend group were a few years above me in 6th form so i hardly seen them around school in my last 2 years.

I remember waking up one day when i was about 14 and everything looked foreign and different, my relation to everything felt 'changed' or different in someway, almost alien feeling, as if something was missing. was scary and overwhelming and remember it persisting everyday strongly for more than 6 months. my mum didnt understand so had to deal with it alone

fast forward a year or something and i somehow found a new crew who were more into things i liked and started going gigs etc. The horrible weird feeling slowly faded into background while i was out networking/meeting people for next couple years or so.

Fastforward to now, I will describe my main issues i deal with present day.

When i'm in a social situation, I become self aware and my face muscles lock, my eyes twitch from nervousness, sometimes i stutter, i find eye contact really intense, i feel stupid all the time infront of people because i know i'm acting a bit weird. I've been struggling with feelings of guilt and undeserving of my family and been in low moods persistently (want to refrain from using word 'depression' to avoid self diagnosis), i've felt helpless, i've had intrusive thoughts about health concerns, i'm sometimes paranoid about cancer and heart attacks and so on. All of these issues i've been experiencing like a carousel for about 2 years.

What makes this more confusing for me is that I can be fine in myself for a couple days or so, then go straight back to being in hellish headspace again for days, and then back.

I guess my main questions are A) Do you think i am making all this up in my head B) if not, what do these issues sound like?

So sorry for long writing I'm just tired of being tired and need hope and answers. Thank you

2 likes, 1 reply

1 Reply

  • srk904471
    srk904471 ellzbellz

    Posted

    first, you need to cheer up/ relax and do not worry too much, because you are not alone.. a significant percentage of people have suffering similar to yours..and yes! there is solution.

    with regard to your query (A) whether you are making it in your head, well no. , it needs to be solved..

    there can be good days and bad days.. and these can be unpredictable..

    so daily set a routine and assign 30 min daily to your brain .. first thing in morning and do some meditation. slow and very calm breathing exercises .. attain that deep calmness and maintain that calmness throughout the day.. 

    when you feel that you are moving away from deep calmness, it may be beneficial to attain that calmness during the day..

    wish you all the best 

     

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