An update on my current mindset

Posted , 5 users are following.

I made a post about a day or two ago about how my grandfather passed and my long term partner walker out on me. Since that post I have plummeted severely. I had a breakdown yesterday and was considering to take my life but I called the Samaritans and it helped me a lot and I was greatful for the service. But today I feel even more of a burden on people. My mother lost it at me and started talking about how she had had enough of everything and everyone and how she just wants to leave for like 2 weeks and get away from me and everyone around her and that just broke me. I’m already feeling so useless and worthless after the break up and I’m just so lost in myself. I look In the mirror and i don’t know who I am anymore. The thought of being a single mother is too much. The thought of doing all this without my partner is terrifying. I know he is suffering and isn’t in the right head space but I’m just so worried about him all the time I can’t actually handle the situation. I want to explain more of what he’s been threw before people start to think he just up and left. He is currently in the middle of a masters degree in college. He drive to and from classes everyday at around 6 am and makes the 2 hour journey to the campus. He is holding down a job and our child at the same time. He took it all on himself and he broke and he is in a dark place and  I can’t save him at all. I feel so hopeless. I wanted to save him and I couldn’t and I eneded up getting lost myself. I held down our son by my self for the last 3 years, never asked for a penny, fed him, washed him and his clothes, potty trained, made him sleep in his own bed, told him how much his daddy loves him and after all I did he still left me. He left our family. I wasn’t enough. I’m not good enough. It’s breaking me. He said he doesn’t love me anymore but i can’t accept that it’s tio much to even think about. I hope it’s all coz of his depression and he will come home to us again. We were together for 7 years, I’m 22 and he is 21. I love him so much even after all this hurt..

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  • Posted

    Wow, you have suffered a lot of loss. You are very young. You have a lot on your plate.

    You need support. He suffers from depression

    You may need to seek professional help along with finding assistance for you and your child.

    If you are a single mom there should be programs for you and your child. You will need to only concentrate on the two of you.

    Your mom needs space right now. Allow her some time.

    Please try to get profressional help for yourself. So that you will be able to care for both of you.

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. That is sad.

    Your partner, well, they need help too.

    But please, try to take care of yourself and your child first.

    Please seek help and assistance.

    You can always come back here to talk and vent.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your words it means a lot, I am getting the help I’m seeing doctors and I’m on medication atm and organising counselling. I have had funding from the state for my son so money isn’t an issue, it’s the abandonment and the doing it alone without my partner is causing me so much pain atm, it’s very hard to focus on anything else 
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  • Posted

    Honey, you obviously care deeply for everyone around you and it's driving you to distraction that you can't help. The situation might be out of your control, and your mental health is suffering, but that's what you need to focus on most at the moment, yes? It might feel impossible right now, but honestly your son needs you. Have you been to the doctor's yet?

    The only other thing I can think that might help is joining a group locally where you can watch your son and talk to other mothers? Don't panic about talking to other people - you'd be surprised how much others are dealing with, and how it helps to know we're not alone!

    Lots of love to you xx

    P.s. You're right to give your partner time, he will be back when ready xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for your words, I hope your right that he returns soon. It’s not just me that he’s pushing away, he has pushed away all of our friends too. He’s not a bad guy what so ever, he’s very hard working and just the most wonderful kind person I ever met. He was never into drinking or drugs and he loves our son very much, it’s just so unlike him that he walked away without even talking to me or trying to fix anything, it’s honestly just heartbreaking. I have seen doctors yes, I’m doing everything I can to get better for my family and friends. Just I need to vent more like I’ve just been knocked so hard, the pain is unbelievable. I have tried to talk to other mothers as well but sadly there isn’t many in my area, I live in a very excluded part of Ireland so I’m pretty much the only person as young as me with a baby, but I have many friends around me that are just as worried about my partner as me and they have been so great with supporting me and helping me and I’m truely greatful for them. 
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    • Posted

      It's so good to hear you have supportive friends, angel. It sounds like you're already doing all the right things to try and keep sane through all the madness. This site is SO good to have a rant if you need to vent all those impossible feelings. We all care and are hear to listen, and hopefully help. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the amazing souls that follow these posts.

      Lots of love and keep us updated xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply and I am truely greatful for this site it is helping me a lot and I will ofc keep everyone updated. I am having a really bad day today, my grandfathers month anniversary is today and all I want is my partner to be beside me and to help me and I’m struggling. I pray he is safe and is getting the help that he needs right now. I’m so worried about him.
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    • Posted

      I'm not surprised you're worried about him, having left so suddenly... With no conversation!? There's no explanation apart from his state of mind, but that's no consolation right now, hey? I know what your darkest fears are but he is on a mission to complete his masters no matter what. Have faith. Your lives will always be intertwined. It's unusual for both people to have such trauma at the same time, though? Generally one person in the relationship has a hard time, the other props them up, then the same caring and understanding is returned in the opposite situation. No wonder you're in limbo, and that's only One thing going on in your life. You also have a loss in the family. One loss at a time is enough to deal with, but you have two with your partner leaving. So far you are doing really well at keeping things on a level, seriously! You already know that he can't handle life with any more complications, so now it's up to you to carry on till he's ready. When does his degree finish angel? The next few months could be spent rebuilding relations with your Ma - that's whenever you're ready of course xx

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    • Posted

      His course finishes sometime during the summer. It’s so rough tho, he’s missing out on so much with our son and with our lives in general. He has isolated himself compleatly, all his friends, everyone has been pushed away. I talked to his mother on a few occasions but honestly she has no idea what’s going on coz he’s in the college doing a thisis. I’m so scared he will never recover from this. That he will never love me again and I will be stuck forever I’m limbo and I could never move on. I just want the father of my son and my soulmate back. 
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  • Posted

    I’m sorry your partner hurt you so bad. It must be painful and hard to deal with. But, please take into consideration that he is experiencing depression, going to school and working. 

    I’m sure he loved both of you, but he is young and may not know how to deal with all of the responsibility.

    Right now please only worry about your son and yourself.

    It’s very hard, but you can do it. You are doing many things to improve the lives of both of you and that is fantastic.

    Be proud of yourself. Your doing it without your partner!

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much for the reply and talking to me. You are right about my partner and I know he is suffering, it’s just watching it happen is so so hard coz all I want to do is save him but sadly when I tried to do that I eneded up getting lost myself and that very hard to cope with. I feel no hate or resentment to him i love him very much and miss him desperately, I want him to come home to us, he’s missing out on so much to do with our son and I try to give him hope by sending pictures and videos of him but I get no response and it’s heart wrenching honestly. 
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    • Posted

      I would keep sending the pictures and videos. That is very thoughtful of you to do that. I’m sure he appreciates that.

      He can only

      Help himself. He will. It just takes time. 

      When you least expect it, he will call you.

      I know it hurts deeply, but you may need to move on for the sake of your sanity and for your son.

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    • Posted

      I pray he will. He is loved by so many and cared for and I just feel like he feels he’s so worthless and I have no choice but to try and save him. That’s just what makes me, me. I may have lost a lot of what makes me feel whole but I managed to hold onto my fight. The one thing that actually makes me, me. 
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    • Posted

      The thought of moving on is too much as I still love him so much. Like it hurts how much. We did everything together for the last 7 years. That’s alot of time and I did so much for him and I can’t just let that go. That’s not my nature. I am greatful for all the external support I have tho, it’s been unbelievable how so many people have come up trumps. 
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  • Posted

    Hey tara, i can imagine exactly how you feel love, you spend such a long time with someone you don't expect to ever leave just like that. I suspect your significant other is suffering from "Burnout" . Look it up he seems exhausted having a family and doing his masters it can all become over whelming at times. Read up about it and let me know if you think he falls into that category very few people know about Burnout and he probably doesn't even know it's what he's experiencing. I always had a good relationship with my partner aswell and then he just started drifting when he got his job and was constantly working and tired and we broke up. I miss him truely but i've accepted defeat because truely you can save a soul that doesn't want to be save. Meanwhile look after yourself, i hopw you pull through this with an even softer heart who still has a lot of love left.

    Maryannn

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    • Posted

      I appreciate all you said, I really do, but there was something so wrong with the whole situation, he was so broken and lost and to see him as he just kept shutting himself away, it was the worst thing I ever witnessed. I truely believe he is the only one I will ever love that way, it wasn’t a childhood romance or a fling, it was so real, the realest realest thing. I was never jealous of him talking to any other girls or I was never ever worried about him going on nights out with his friends on his own, I had nothing but pure trust in him, 100% trust I’m him and his abilities and we worked so well together for such a long time even when we were so young. Somthing I’m my heart and I’m my head is screaming at me to keep holding on coz he isn’t well at all, he has stopped seeing people and is completely isolating himself from everybody, all of our friends, his son, his family have no idea how severe it is. He is seeking help from the last time I spoke to him but it was a meer text, he cannot face me, he can’t face anyone. He said beyond a conversation Beyond our son he “cannot think” it doesn’t make any sense at all. 
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    • Posted

      And yeah I looked up burnout there that’s for advising that, it’s honestly so hard to tell if it’s that specific thing, I know he began to shutdown his emotions around the time my granda got ill before the Christmas. Like he was so unempathetic, it was so out of character for him, he didn’t even go to the funeral with me, it was so distressing. But I believe there are a few things in there indeed he has fallen into. 
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    • Posted

      Hey Tara, you have been in a relationship for many yrs, i can understand why its hard because you always had him there as a support and a lover.

      Men tend to hide alot of their emotions from women because they don't want to appear weak. I've been exactly where you are i know how much it can hurt. Helping them a lot of the time tends to drive them further away because men isolate themselves to solve their problems or time is exactly what he needs right now to heal himself, to him his problems may feel bigger than him because only he really understands his struggles and you guys are both really young, when i was younger i thought i knew alot about life and love it was only after i went through my first heart break it really opened up my mind, saw life very differently, people always say time heals all wounds and whilst it's veryy true i know when i was in your position i didn't want to hear it, you may very well never forget, you might no one ever really knows, but in order to save someone sometimes you have to set them free if you truely love him and want to help him if he needs you be there to listen. Don't forget yourself in the process cuz your health is also very important and your kids'?.

      Maryannn

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    • Posted

      I am trying my best to hang in there but right now I am struggling so much I want the suffering to just end. I’m so over this year and this month it’s just been the worst time of my life. 
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