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An update on my current mindset

Posted , 5 users are following.

tara96740
tara96740

I made a post about a day or two ago about how my grandfather passed and my long term partner walker out on me. Since that post I have plummeted severely. I had a breakdown yesterday and was considering to take my life but I called the Samaritans and it helped me a lot and I was greatful for the service. But today I feel even more of a burden on people. My mother lost it at me and started talking about how she had had enough of everything and everyone and how she just wants to leave for like 2 weeks and get away from me and everyone around her and that just broke me. I’m already feeling so useless and worthless after the break up and I’m just so lost in myself. I look In the mirror and i don’t know who I am anymore. The thought of being a single mother is too much. The thought of doing all this without my partner is terrifying. I know he is suffering and isn’t in the right head space but I’m just so worried about him all the time I can’t actually handle the situation. I want to explain more of what he’s been threw before people start to think he just up and left. He is currently in the middle of a masters degree in college. He drive to and from classes everyday at around 6 am and makes the 2 hour journey to the campus. He is holding down a job and our child at the same time. He took it all on himself and he broke and he is in a dark place and  I can’t save him at all. I feel so hopeless. I wanted to save him and I couldn’t and I eneded up getting lost myself. I held down our son by my self for the last 3 years, never asked for a penny, fed him, washed him and his clothes, potty trained, made him sleep in his own bed, told him how much his daddy loves him and after all I did he still left me. He left our family. I wasn’t enough. I’m not good enough. It’s breaking me. He said he doesn’t love me anymore but i can’t accept that it’s tio much to even think about. I hope it’s all coz of his depression and he will come home to us again. We were together for 7 years, I’m 22 and he is 21. I love him so much even after all this hurt..

1 like, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • hypercat
    hypercat tara96740

    Posted

    Hi Tara I have read your post and all the replies and just want to say that you looked after you son all by yourself for 3 years and if you can do it then so could he have.

    I also wonder if,  no matter how you were feeling,  could you ever have walked out on your son?  Just a couple of things to think about.

    I wish you all the best.  x

    • tara96740
      tara96740 hypercat

      Posted

      I could have never. But my partner I feel has just been compleatly fogged over with this pressure and depression and that he has just compleatly lost site of what’s truely important. He has prioritised the compleatly wrong things and he has let go of the things that are truely important. That’s so heartbreaking. I did every last thing for him without a single complaint coz I knew how much he wanted that masters. I held it together all on my own with my own family and it’s hard coz it feels like he has just thrown back in my face and In my family’s  too.  I was happy even tho I only got to see him for a few hours at the weekends. I was happy even if I got the smallest amount of cantact from him. I did everything and he still walked out and I just feel like a failure and worthless. I just don’t know what to do. 
    • carmela45627
      carmela45627 tara96740

      Posted

      Tara,

      His classes end in the summer? Summer is coming up. Maybe once that time comes he will be able to cope.

      Maybe at that time he will come back or call you.

      I’m sure he feels badly about what he is doing. But if he is suffering from depression he can’t help it. He would need professional help.

      If it is from too much responsibility, after classes end he should feel better,

      You may need to be patient with him.

      You may want to just keep doing what you are doing and be patient and wait to see what happens.

      If he doesn’t come back or contact you, I’m sorry, but you may want to live your life with your son.

    • tara96740
      tara96740 carmela45627

      Posted

      I hope to go god he’s getting help and he will come to realise what he has done. This has compleatly and utterly broken every last fiber of my being. I need him here with me. My grandfathers memorial mass was this weekend and all I wanted to do was scream coz his support was the only thing I wanted. What I needed. I’m suffering so badly today like I actually cannot function. I am in so much pain. I really need someone to help me today but I am alone and scared. I’m sorry I don’t want to drop this on anyone.
  • tara96740
    tara96740

    Posted

    Thank you everyone who has been replying to my post, I am truely greatful and I hope people will stay with me as I continue to post here. It means so much to me and I feel like it does help even if it is just a small bit. You all are wonderful people and I will keep up the good fight and keep you all updated. ❤️
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