Another month, another wave of Depression

Posted , 7 users are following.

It's been a few weeks since I last made a post, or maybe it's been a few months, I don't quite remember much about anything anymore. 

Since my last post, I said I'd try and go with a better outlook on life and try to just survive through it until I go to uni in just under a years time, as Uni will be a new beginning in a new city. Since then, things have only gotten worse.

Work: People there seem to be against me for no real reason, and I just cant win with anything I do. It both tires me out mentally and physically and really makes me feel down. 

Friends: I said last time that I had no real friends left, and that hasnt changed. They've nearly all left me for whatever reason. I'd say I have two real friends left, and I told one of them everything that was making me feel so depressed, and they didn't help - simply left me to it without any real input. The other friend is trying to help, but it's hard for us to meet up and do anything since we live cities apart and we both work. 

My life has gotten worse, and my drinking has only gotten worse too. I drink when I wake up before work, when I get home from work, and throughout the day on my time off. I drink because I dont feel anything other than complete desolation and sadness, or just numbness.

I use the term "depression" perhaps wrongly. I've always thought I was depressed since it all began, but for the past few months I havent felt anything. I mean, I literally dont feel any emotions other than either complete sadness or complete numbness. The loneliness is killing me. I drink because I think it might help me feel something, but it only makes me worse.

I'm posting this because, again, I need to get it off my chest. I don't expect anyone to take the time to offer help, hell, I don't think theres much that can really be said to me that'll help other than whats already been said. I just feel completely lost again, and I just don't want to go on anymore.

Thanks for reading.

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Sam please dont feel like you are alone in all this, your are not!! I have suffered depression for many years and totally understand the isolation that comes along with it.  I have had a bad week where I have totally felt alone so I registered on here for someone to talk too, I noticed right away that I am no way on my own with my feelings and others are exactly the same as me.  I separated frmy husband two years ago and apart from my two kids and parents I feel like I have no one that I can confide in or share stuff with.  Things will get better, have you been to see your GP about how you feel? Drinking isn't the answer but you know that already so thats good.  Counselling can help too, talking to someone outwith your circle can help. Take Care

    Gillian xx

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    • Posted

      I signed on to this website for the same reason. I'm sorry to hear about your ordeals   rolleyes I used to have counselling but it didn't help at all really, but I've yet to speak to a doctor about any of this. I find it very difficult to tell anyone about it, hence why I use this website.

      Thanks for the reply smile

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  • Posted

    Hi Sam 

    i understand that drinking blocks things out and helps temporarily but you need the right medication to help you I know how you feel don't give up and go and see your gp    Things will get better and you will be a stronger person for it xxx 

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  • Posted

    Sam, please know that you are loved and cared for. Sometimes people that have never experienced depression don't know how to respond or support us. It doesn't mean they don't love or care about us. They don't understand why we can't just stop and move on with our lives. Well, it's easier said then done. I sincerely hope you will keep plugging along and come here for support. I know it's not the same as a physical person there but we are "real" and we understand. As for the drinking... I use shopping as a feel good device. Sometimes it gets me through! Hugs! 
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    • Posted

      My parents love me, I know that. Other than them I have one real friend who cares, but they live miles away and its hard to keep in touch which is why I'm always so lonely. You're right about people who haven't experienced depression, they don't know what its like and I guess it's difficult for them to know what to say. I dont hold anything against them for it. I appreciate your support, so thank you for that =) and hey, if shopping helps you get along then it can only be a good thing! 
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