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It's been a few weeks since I last made a post, or maybe it's been a few months, I don't quite remember much about anything anymore.
Since my last post, I said I'd try and go with a better outlook on life and try to just survive through it until I go to uni in just under a years time, as Uni will be a new beginning in a new city. Since then, things have only gotten worse.
Work: People there seem to be against me for no real reason, and I just cant win with anything I do. It both tires me out mentally and physically and really makes me feel down.
Friends: I said last time that I had no real friends left, and that hasnt changed. They've nearly all left me for whatever reason. I'd say I have two real friends left, and I told one of them everything that was making me feel so depressed, and they didn't help - simply left me to it without any real input. The other friend is trying to help, but it's hard for us to meet up and do anything since we live cities apart and we both work.
My life has gotten worse, and my drinking has only gotten worse too. I drink when I wake up before work, when I get home from work, and throughout the day on my time off. I drink because I dont feel anything other than complete desolation and sadness, or just numbness.
I use the term "depression" perhaps wrongly. I've always thought I was depressed since it all began, but for the past few months I havent felt anything. I mean, I literally dont feel any emotions other than either complete sadness or complete numbness. The loneliness is killing me. I drink because I think it might help me feel something, but it only makes me worse.
I'm posting this because, again, I need to get it off my chest. I don't expect anyone to take the time to offer help, hell, I don't think theres much that can really be said to me that'll help other than whats already been said. I just feel completely lost again, and I just don't want to go on anymore.
Thanks for reading.
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