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So, i dont want to appear as one of those suicidal people that cry for help on here as ultimately in my stable mind I am logical and do not see suicide as a genuine solution.
My story however goes back 6 years ago from a 2 year drug addcition that tore my life apart.
I have suffered from depression for about 4 years now, but never wanted to make it an issue because of personal circumstances, and just tried to "live with it"
The prompt that made me seek help was back in January when i tried to take my life by means of an overdose.
From that, I decided to approach my GP, and was referred to counselling (i did not disclose the attempt on my life)
The counsellor immediately advised i ask for antidepressants after hearing the start of my story, and as such i went on a course of citalopram, which i stuck with for 8 weeks going up to the max dose with no effect.
Throughout this period i felt extremely down and different, and wasnt responding to counselling.
They switched me onto zoloft 50mg, and am currently in week 2... with ups and downs
What i have withheld from GPs and counsellors throughout this process is the suicidial thoughts, and stuff relating to that. On the weekly surveys, I always tick the "never" box, as i just dont want to be classified as that sort of person, and i also dont want that on my medical record! I also have the impression that if you hint at that.... I could well be sectioned, and nasty intervention stuff like that may ensue.
I have repeatedly had thought every other day recently of how useless my current situation is, and after 4 years of suffering am getting fed up of this, having had no positive response from citalopram, and limited response thus far from zoloft.
I am currently feeling very down, and again having thoughts that i would be better off dead. In my rational mind, i know i probably wont act on this (although my actions in january still worry me), and have an awareness of the transcient nature of thoughts.
I'm not looking for attention or comments of "hang in there"... as i have told myself this for years and am still "hanging in there" evidently, so these comments would be taken with a pinch of salt.
However, i am currently faced with more and more dark thoughts, and if this zoloft doesnt solve them, I am going to be left in a very hopeless position.
My question to you is this : What happens if you disclose to your GP that you have had suicidal thoughts? I hate being assosciated with this as i pride myself in being logical and know that at my core this is not what is for me, but it concerns me that recently the lows i've been feeling have become extremely prominent, and i worry that after my hopes of citamopram sorting out my issues have been dropped, that zoloft will lead me down the same route, and I will be left hopeless in a sense (as i am in no way willing to take some of the more surpressive drugs prescribed for depression that I have read about... essentially zombifying you!)
Should I tell my GP about these thoughts? Will I be rushed away in a white van if i do? If that is just a myth.... then what could they do differently in terms of treatment that i am receiving having not disclosed these feelings.
Sorry for the long post. But i am not really an emotionally open person, and feel extremely reserved and distrustful about disclosing this sort of information to a forum, let alone a GP which will permanently stamp these isssues on my medical record!!
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