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Hi, my names Laura and I'm 21. I have had anxiety problems since I was young, and because of it I have only just got my first ever job.
Since I left college when I was 18, I have done nothing with my life, simply because I would get panic attacks just leaving the house, even when the phone rang.
If I had to make a call, I would have to go on the toilet several times before hand, and I'd get myself into a blind panick.
It has taken me so long to build my confidence up but that is only because last year I took it upon myself to care for my nan and grandad. By doing this it made me feel proud and that I was doing something good with my life.
Sadly they both past away which did knock me back a bit but I remembered how helping them helped me.
January this year, I applied to work in a care home, and I got it.
I was a nervous wreck but I got myself through it.
I have done 8 shifts now but despite trying my hardest, I finally cracked and ended up having a panic attack at work and crying I front of everyone.
I have thrown myself into the deep end completely because of several reasons:
- My partner who has been supporting me(financially as well) since I was 18 finally snapped and said he can't be with me if I don't work because since he's been with me ive never worked. I understood completely what he was saying and was so thankfully for everything he's done for me, but what I was going through, I couldn't exactly snap out of it.
- My partners mom and my brother were extremely angry with me for not working and said I was faking being a nervous person. Which made me really upset because I never enjoyed sitting in the house on my own everyday scared to leave the house or scared to use my phone or open the door.
- I knew I was good at being a carer and thought it was the best career for myself to go in.
- other jobs I couldn't get because I had no experience (most never even got back to me)
- I was fed up of the way my life was going, I want to work, I've always wanted to work.
At work they only allowed me to shadow someone for 1 day and even on that day I was left on my own wondering what to do.
I have asked other care assistant and even the nurses various questions on how I'm meant to do things but they never give me an answer or they look at me as though I'm stupid.
I want to do my job the best I can, but when I don't know what I'm doing, I just end up trying to figure it out myself.
I understand it's busy but when I ask these questions they aren't normally doing anything.
I find myself walking up and down the corridor like a spare part.
I'm good at caring but no one has really explained the order in which they work.
I feel drained, I feel like crying everyday, my heart just thumps away rapidly.
I just don't know how to control myself!
So, after the rant, I just need some advice on how to control my emotions when I'm at work.
Cause I have to take myself to the toilet and have a slight cry but I can't do that forever.
Are there any techniques that are useful?
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