Anxiety and my life so far

Posted , 15 users are following.

Hi my name is Phil and I'm 23. After reading all you're posts I thought I would tell everyone my story.

I have had anxiety ever since I could remember. I always felt more nervous than the other kids at school in certain situations and just thought they were as nervous as me but just didn't show it. I used to mask how I was feeling with trying to be the class clown and always being naughty. All through my school life I avoided any public speaking etc and missed a lot of school faking illness. I came away from school at 16 with no qualifications and hardly any friends as I used to make excuses to them as why I can't got to a party or hang around on the park etc so ended up pushing them all away. I also quit playing rugby at the age of 15 after 8 years of playing. It does hurt knowing that I had to quit the sport I love because the anxiety was getting worse.

So after leaving school I decided to google why I was always feeling nervous and I came across anxiety but didn't think much of it and thought it was just me being silly and I should man up. I have had a few jobs since leaving school but didn't last very long because of the anxiety. I have not worked but 3 years and don't claim benefits as I wouldn't be able to go through the whole interview process.

I pretended to be this confident funny kid at school but really I was just a scared child. Thinking back now I probably misbehaved as a way out seeking attention and help. My parents are quite laid back and have just gave me money over the years and have never really asked questions but now they are starting to struggle with money etc so I need to do something. Plus seeing all my old school friends that have jobs, cars, houses, girlfriends etc make me realise that I need to sort my life out as I will be 24 in October.

All I have done for the past 3 years mainly is stay at home and work out on my weights/exercise and watch tv. My neighbours always tell me I'm a good looking guy and I should have a good looking girlfriend by now but its not as easy as that. That's the problem with modern day society, just because some is supposedly good looking it doesn't mean they are a confident person.

My whole life has just been one big lie. I would be here all day if I was to go through them all. If a situation comes up and I don't want to be in it then I will just lie to get myself out of it.

Anyway after 7 years from leaving school I have now decided to try and get my life back on track and have booked myself into my local GP which is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8:30am. When I phoned reception the woman who answered was very understanding and gave me the first appointment of the day so I didn't have to think about it all day and there wouldn't be many people waiting at that time in the morning so I could go straight in. It does scare me tho reading some of the other posts about people going there whole life and still having problems. I just want to be normal. Have a boring 9-5 job and eventually get my own place.

Anyway that's my life so far, I hope things improve. If anyone is interested I will keep you updated with how things go!

Phil smile

1 like, 43 replies

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  • Posted

    Hi Phil!

    Welcome to the forum. Have read your post and am so pleased you've taken a huge step forward. Hope you found the support you need . The receptionist sounds very understanding.

    Do let us know how it goes.

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  • Posted

    I feel ya Phil, I basically had to give up football which I had played since I started walking, annoying stuff. Just know better things wait in the horizon, good luck mate.
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  • Posted

    Hi Phil

    You could have been talking about me when you speak of school

    I remember feeling anxious , but I thought it was only me that felt that way & I was different & there must have been something a matter with me , but back then there was no support or help like there is now so you kept it all to yourself

    I am so pleased you are asking for some support

    Maybe make some notes the key points you want to mention to your GP so you don't forget !

    Good luck & please keep us updated as well as coming on & asking for some support or just knowing people are listening & they do understand can help

    Take Care

    xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Phil. I can relate to how you feel. I myself went to the doctor last week after months of finding an excuse not to. I am very interested how you get on at Dr and after, make sure you let us know. Good luck, we're there with you in thought. X

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  • Posted

    Thanks for the support everyone! And the useful tip about making notes, I have just done that now.

    Knowing that I have to actually go tomorrow is starting to dawn on me. I am actually pooping myself! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. But I will go with laugh LOL.

    I know if I want to get my life back on track then I have to just get on with and go tomorrow.

    What did the doctor say to you Diana? I hope it goes well for you.

    Phil

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  • Posted

    What ever you are feeling Phil is totally ok. I nearly didn't go but know I can't go on like this as I seem to be getting worse with no help or support. She was very understanding, sympathetic and said how sorry she was that I felt this way all the time. She has put me on Citalopram and suggested I contact Mind, but I am being referred for counselling anyway, I have to go back next week, like the first time wasn't bad enough. After my anxiety and panic attacks being thrown in my face by my husband in an argument I know I have to sort it. I suffer with rashes and blotchy skin when anxious which makes me worse, I just want to hide so people don't stare at me. You will be ok at the doctor, before you know it you will be back home. A friend once said to me 'remember to breathe'.. I laughed, but it is very true. So, as silly as it sounds Phil, remember to breathe. X
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  • Posted

    Its just the build up before the actual event event that's the worse with anxiety. I'm sure once I'm actually in there and sat down with the doctor I will be fine hopefully!

    Well at least you did end up going. Ohh that doesn't sound very pleasent. I just get really sweaty and start to feel sick. In my first ever job interview when I was 16 I was actually sick inside the interview. Thanks, I will try to remember to breathe! I once read a book on breathing, exciting I know! The thing I took from it was concentrating on breathing and the mind will block out anything else, so let's hope it works tomorrow.

    Keep me updated Diana with you're progress smile

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  • Posted

    Best of luck for tomorrow, I really hope you come away feeling more positive smile

    Please let us know how you get on x

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  • Posted

    Hi Phil, it's always comforting to come across someone my age who also has anxiety problems. Sometimes it can feel like a very isolating illness. You feel like you can't tell other people. Or at least I feel like that.. which has lead me to have to make up stomach bugs and migraines quite often smile I just finished uni and am really struggling, transitions in life always freak me out so much. I'm waiting to see a cardiologist as I've been having a lot of heart palpitations which is hopefully my anxiety but what to do before then, I'm not really sure!! Like you I have supportive parents but do feel guilty about being like this.

    Hope your doctor appointment goes well! My GP is great with my anxiety problems as he knows my parents and grandparents history (He's their GP too). Anxiety disorders seem to run in the family!

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  • Posted

    Hi Phil,

    Just wanted to share a bit of my experience. I've not had panic attacks and anxiety all my life, mine started mid teens and I've had them ever since (I'm 24)

    I put off going to the doctors until just over a month ago, always made excuses not to go, or felt better at times so didn't see why i should go and felt like i would be wasting their time.

    I always felt that when i had a panic attack or anxiety that i could handle it, and technically I've have been, in my own weird way i guess, but it finally got too much for me and i wasn't handling it at all, felt like a flood gate had opened and i couldn't close it.

    whenever i went through a bad patch i would disconnect myself from all my friends, make excuses, never go anywhere and just sit in with family, due to this I only have 2 good friends, who know about my panic attacks and anxiety and support me.

    Fortunately, and unbelievably to me, I've also managed to hold down a relationship for the past 3 years (longest relationship I've ever had) He has stood by me all through this even though he doesn't really fully understand what i was going through, i am really lucky to have someone like him.

    The point that changed my life was going to see my doctor and commiting to the medication they gave me. I tried 2 antidepressants before finding the right one for me, so again i guess I'm lucky i didn't have to try loads as they all take around 4 to 8 weeks to settle into your system and you start to feel the effects.....im also on a beta blocker to stop the physical symptoms of panic attacks and anxiety. Both these medications have enabled me to start leading a normal, panic attack and anxiety free life and it feels so good after not thinking i could ever get them sorted.

    I am so happy to read that your seeking help instead of suffering in silence, and i promise you wont regret it.

    Please keep us all up to date with your progress, and if you have any questions or need any advice i hope you will trust us all to give you honest and detailed answers. I truly do hope that we hear your situation has improved in the next few months and i wish you all the luck with any treatment you decide to undertake.

    Best wishes

    Danielle x

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  • Posted

    Fab post Danielle.

    Thinking of you this morning Phil, you too can do this.

    Denise smile

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  • Posted

    Morning Phil, how did you get on at the doctor? Really hope you made it there and all went ok. X
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  • Posted

    Hey everyone smile its nice to know others my age are starting to speak out about anxiety! Thanks for all the supportive messages.

    Danielle you're story is very similar to mine!

    Well I did end up going but the doctor was half an hour late so it wasn't nice wondering why my name hadn't been called it but once I got in there it was fine. He was very understanding and talked me through the process and what options I have. He's put me on some medication called lustral/sertaline 50mg and I'm to take one a day. I have an appointment in 4 weeks time so he can see how I am. Also he's requested I have CBT and see a councellor to talk about my problems and I should receive a letter from both of them in the next few weeks. So glad I went, its made me feel slightly better about the whole situation. I hardly slept last night thinking about it but glad its out the way. Once again thanks for all the supportive messages and I shall keep you all updated every few days with how I'm going!

    Phil x

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  • Posted

    That all sounds like a positive start..Well done you for going. I hope this is the start of a happier and less stressful life. Keep us updated Phil. X
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  • Posted

    Hi Phil, I'm so glad you went 😊 and now your on the road to recovery. I am due to start taking CBT classes in the next few weeks and so looking forward to them.

    And trust me i know what you mean when you say just going to the doctors made you feel even the tiniest bit better, it did me too, also just knowing the fact i was getting help.

    Just a bit of advice, if you're still having panic attacks or bad anxiety go back and ask for a beta blocker, they really do help get you through the rough patches whilst your medication has time to settle in.

    Please keep me up to date with your progress, it would be nice to talk to someone basically at the same stage as me now.

    Keep in touch

    Danielle x

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