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Anxiety at an all time high

Posted , 4 users are following.

rebecca34807
rebecca34807

Hi everyone, 

I was recently diagnosed with anxiety, after ending up at hospital with what the doctors thought was a heart attack. I have never suffered anxiety before and it all started in January this year when I broke up with my partner. 

We had been together for almost 4 years, we met online about 5 years ago and chatted for a year before meeting. I am originally from the North of England and he lived near London. After almost two years of long distance, I left my job and friends and family and moved in with him. Things were really good. We got on so well, like we had known each other forever. 

After he finished uni, we moved into his parents, while he looked for work and then moved again when he found a job. I hen found a job and am happily settled. A total of 4 moves in the last 2 years, all of which were to benefit him and his career after uni. Which I didn't mind as I wanted him to be happy.

Over the last year we began to bicker a lot, sex was non-existent and we kinda weren't like a couple any more. Then in November last year he had to have surgery and was in hospital and recovering at his parents for a couple of months. He came back in home in January and told me he didn't have romantic feelings for me any more and we broke up.

About a week later I had my first episode. I couldn't breathe, my chest felt tight, I was dizzy, sweating had palpatations. I phoned 111 and they told me to get to hospital as soon as possible. I text him, as he wasn't home that evening to let him know, in case he wondered where I was and he came to the hospital to make sure I was ok. I had a chest x-ray and ECG and everything was fine.

Ever since then I have suffered really bad spells of anxiety, and it is at the point where I am now anxious all of the time. We decided to try again a couple of weeks ago and things have been going well. However, the anxiety is getting worse. I also suffer from PCOS, and have constant worries about my health and weight.

I have started to diet and excercise, and am hoping the fitness will help with my anxiety and PCOS. When I met my partner I was 4 dress sizes bigger and have lost a lot of weight. I know I need to lose some more, but as I am trying and it is working, I am relatively happy with the results. Having been a size 26 previously, I think I have done well so far to get to a size 16/18.

However, having talked about diets with my partner, he said he had something to tell me yesterday, but was worried I would get upset. I told him he had to be honest with me and he told me. Basically he said he isn't and never has been attracted to my weight. And he can't be fully into the relationship unless I become skinny. He wants a girlfriend he can lift. What kind of crap is that?! He said that he's not said anything for 5 years becasue he didn't wanna hurt my feelings. But he finds it hard to eal with. He knows its hard for me with my PCOS to lose weight, and although I ave lost so much already it isn't good enough. He then told me all his friends can be lifted up by their partners - they're all probably a size 8/10. 

Now on top of all of my other worries, I'm now wondering why he stayed with me all this time. And if it ever meant anything to him. I just don't know what to do, and have no one to talk to.

I have recently been given propranolol, 10mg tablets and can take up to 6 a day. So I will see how I get on with these, hopefully they will help with the symptoms of anxiety. 

P.S. Sorry for the long message!

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • wifeymamalei
    wifeymamalei rebecca34807

    Posted

    I remember when I first for an anxiety attack, I too thought it was a heart attack; I called 911 and they took me to the ER only to be told it was an anxiety attack.

    I got it in 2009 when I was 28 y/o

    I still get anxiety but I had a bad one in 2015 and then just this passed wed night.

    I hate this feeling coz it ruins your day and I'm scared to do anything but I have 3 kids and I work, I'm a wife so I have things to do.

    You would think it would distract me but I still get anxiety.

    Last night I was diagnosed with having generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks. So now it's a pronounced diagnosis and just not anxiety.

    I joined this forum hoping to share my stories and hearing others who have and are going through the same thing makes me feel better to know I am not alone on this.

    Thank you for sharing your story!

    • rebecca34807
      rebecca34807 wifeymamalei

      Posted

      The first one was the worst for me, not knowing what was happening, then I was panicking because I thought I was having a heart attack which just made it ten times worse.

      I hate the feeling too, I am scared to do a lot of things and worry about the smallest things to the point where some days I just want to stay in bed! Most days it's just a constant feeling of worry for me, but there are the occasional bad attacks. The last one I had was last week when I was at work. 

      Are you taking any medication for it? 

      It is definietly good to know we are not alone! And it's good to get it off my chest to. If you ever need to talk you know I'm here smile

       

  • jane75220
    jane75220 rebecca34807

    Posted

    I WOULD SAY Good riddance and to make a clean break, a fresh start. Also diet for your sake. You will meet someone better.
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