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Hi, my names Nick, I'm 17. I don't really know where to start with everything. I havnt been diagnosed with anxiety although I do believe I have anxiety or at least anxiety tendencies. I've always been a very worried person and I often have OCD tendencies (I had CBT for OCD a few years ago) but in the past 2 years my anxiety has been unbearable. I've finished school now which was a big relief as I always felt most anxious at school, although I feel anxious all the time. I tend to obsess over people and get extremely attached. During the last year of school, I thought about suicide a lot, and I cut myself on three different occasions. I also started to have either panic or anxiety attacks, I'm not sure what differentiates them but they would always happen when everything got too much. During them I wouldn't be able to control my breathing, I would feel very dizzy and on one instance muscles in my arms contracted and I could not relax them, always being followed by awful headaches. I felt so alone in the world and like I wanted to just disappear and then I met this girl online and we went out a few times and I got extremely attached to her as I do with everyone. My feelings of anxiety didn't go away but they became bearable and a month passes by very quickly. Recently she has barely been talking to me and I understand you can't control people and I would only want her to be with me if she wanted. But in between the times we speak, I feel like I did before I met her, it's unbearable, I feel like I'm breathing but I can't breath and like I'm going to break down crying 24 hours a day. There have been a few girls over the past 2 years which i have felt like this over but I can't seem to get over them and now it's as if I'm going back into this dark hole which I can't get out of and I feel so scared.
I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, and I have said a very brief overview of how I feel, and i know I haven't said anything in the right way but I'm going to post it how it is because I've been thinking of posting for many months now and I don't think I will ever do it if I don't do it now. I wrote this to reach out to someone.
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